by SG’s Team Agony feat. Atlea and Setsuka

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: So I have a little bit of a dilemma and I’m hoping you girls can help. For starters, I’m a 23-year old lesbian from New Jersey. I have never been in a healthy relationship. I was with a woman, we’ll call her T, from May ‘09 to Jan ‘10. It wasn’t exactly a healthy relationship, but I was in love with her. She treated me like shit. She cheated, lied, and was always out partying. I dealt with it because I didn’t think I could do any better. After she left me we didn’t talk for a while, but she always seemed to find a way back into my life, and me being me, I let her.

This August will be a year since I hurt H, and I have not given up trying to get her back. I have apologized to her so many times I have lost count. I realized I still love H and I would do anything to get her back. Problem is she barely talks to me. I know I hurt her, I know I was wrong, and there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t wish I could change that. She texted me about two weeks ago and said she was bartending at a new bar in my hometown and said she would like to see me. I went and the moment I saw her, my heart dropped. That was the true realization that I still love her. Ladies, please give me some advice. I would do anything for her…

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by Aaron Colter

Hang on, before getting bent out of shape over the title, let me first explain that I’m not condoning or approving the haphazard looting of small businesses in England. The reason I like the London Riots this week, however, is two fold.

For starters, seeing pictures of people with their brooms held highly in the air is about as British as I can imagine as an American. Shit, it’s damn near Mary fucking Poppins. It’s also inspiring.

The fact that people will come together to clean up their community following the events earlier this week is a positive thing, despite the circumstances that lead to the effort. I sincerely hope people get to know one another better, speak with local shop owners, and don’t forget how important working together as a neighborhood can be, even when there’s not a disaster to overcome.

Second, I hope the riots in England teach us all something – society has to change or it will destroy itself.

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by Laurelin

I’ve never thought of myself as a particularly crazy person. I don’t yell or scream at people I’m dating, I’m not jealous, I don’t nag, and I don’t get upset when ex- girlfriends are still in the picture. I was horrified by the female lead in He’s Just Not That Into You, and I am a firm believer in the idea “if it’s not fun, why do it?” Relationships are supposed to be fun. If it’s not fun, why the hell are you still dating? I’m not a crazy girl. Or, at least that’s what I have been telling myself for as far back as I can remember. I guess if you break it down, I’m just as crazy as the next girl. I just hide it damn well.

I have been caught being crazy once about six years ago, and let me tell you, it whipped me into shape. As much as I like throwing myself under the bus when I write these articles, what I did was so absolutely insane that I can’t even think about it without my cheek burning in shame. All I know is that I was busted, and the look on my boyfriend’s face when he caught me red handed was enough for me to realize then and there that acting like an untrusting maniac was the most un-sexy quality a girl can have.

I had stepped out of the room and he had jumped on my computer to check his e-mail, and as I walked back into the room our horrified eyes met over the glow of the screen and my heart fell like concrete into my stomach. The digital age makes it too easy to have access to whatever you want, and I had left whatever I wanted to know about him right up on the screen for him to find. It was all there, e-mails, conversations with ex girlfriends, everything. He should have broken up with me on the spot, and I’m not sure why he didn’t. I guess I got lucky. Unfortunately, that experience engrained something in me, and from that moment on I didn’t act anything but totally laid back about everything, ever. I didn’t ever want anyone looking at me the way my boyfriend looked at me that day.

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by Brad Warner

A few people have responded to my blog by comparing me to this or that teacher and saying those guys are much better because they encourage their followers to help others. One reader advised me to get over myself and, “learn to live for others.” It’s good advice, to be sure. But what exactly does it mean?

One of the complaints often lodged against Zen is that it’s a selfish philosophy and practice. Spiritual teachers of other schools are always talking about how we should give to others, help those in need, lend a hand to our brothers and so on. But when you take a look at Zen literature there’s not a whole lot of that. Oh, Dogen Zenji talks a bit about compassion and sometimes you hear the Metta Sutra, the Buddha’s words on kindness, chanted at Zen temples in America. Although elsewhere in the world this chant is more associated with the Theravada school than with Zen.

Zen, on the other hand, tends to seem self-centered. Rather that hearing a lot about how we should be of service to others, the standard canonical texts of Zen appear to focus on what we need to do to improve our own situation and state of mind. They do sometimes make reference to helping others and saving all beings. But these references are almost always a bit abstract. They say we need to help others, but don’t go very deeply into how that might be done. This focus on the self is ironic considering that Zen is often portrayed as a practice aimed at eradicating the self.

But have you ever glanced up randomly when you’re on an airplane ignoring the flight attendants safety instructions? When they tell you how to use those oxygen masks they say that you should first secure your own mask before helping others. There’s a good reason for this. If the plane is losing oxygen you’re going to be too woozy to be of service to anyone else until you first get your own stuff together. This is the way it is in life as well.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Aadie and Lexie

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: Got a problem that’s been on my mind for a while. I’ve been married for the past 8 years, and my partner has never been quite a partner in the sense of taking on or handling the usually shared responsibilities: paying bills, cleaning, parenting, etc., etc. I feel as if I’m constantly putting out fires started by her — without the help of a partner. Being the dedicated person I like to be, I always muscled on — I hate quitting.

Anon-o-moose!

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Smythe and Casca

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: There’s this guy that I’ve been into since I meet him. After I broke up with my BF we started to fool around but haven’t kissed or fucked. I thought he was into me and so did everyone else, so I finally told him I liked him. He said that he wasn’t interested in me like that. It’s been about a month since I told him I liked him, and I’m not over it. I don’t even understand why I liked him in the first place, or why he showed that he was into me but said differently. Could you please help make sense of all this? I would like to move on but it seems like I can’t.

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by Laurelin

Driving down the quaint streets of Chatham on Cape Cod is always a reality check for me. The gorgeous colonial style historic homes with vast lawns and wrap around porches lay quietly by the sea, so perfect in their rustic yet modern décor, looking as though a horse drawn buggy would be a better fit in the driveway rather than a SUV. I have always wanted a home like that. I want something old fashioned by the water, somewhere were I can drink sangria on the porch with my husband and look out at the sea. I could stare at these houses forever, just dreaming of a life that right now, seems so out of reach.

I left a seaside town to move to the city, traded the ocean in my backyard for a concrete ocean and non-stop traffic, horns and sirens. Constant college party screams and shouts lull me to sleep instead of the waves and the cry of seagulls. Instead of tasting salt in the breeze, you might get the occasional AC water drip from the apartments above you. I am used to this city life now, and I do miss it when it’s gone, but I can’t see myself retiring and settling down here forever. For me, right now, this is what I have convinced myself I need. This city has always catered to my single needs. Even when I had a boyfriend this city did nothing to help “us” live a quieter happy couple life. We’re late nighters. Our only consistency in life was the same bar stool we would sit in after work. We had no place in a place like the Cape. We didn’t belong there, we belonged here in this tragedy.

It’s a much different story than just city life vs. country life. To me it’s like two different worlds. Move me to one of those houses on the Cape without me feeling like I’m completely done with this city bar scene and I would be lost. My only question –– is it going to be enough? What am I waiting for? More money? The perfect person to bring with me? If I wanted that life so badly things would have been different. I could have moved home to Rhode Island this year but I couldn’t do it. I was supposed to move to San Diego this September, but the thought of leaving Boston just became too horrifying for me. It was just easier to stay, to keep doing what I’m doing. Why stir the pot when things are pretty much alright the way they are? This city has become the ultimate enabler, allowing me to live a crazy life from which I want no rescue.

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