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Sep 2010 30

By Malloreigh

Dating is immeasurably frustrating. It’s not like the dating pool is huge to begin with – sure, there are lots of people out there, but we all have our tastes, our proclivities, our peculiarities. Sometimes we fall in lust with someone totally unavailable; sometimes the opposite happens; sometimes we like someone enough to date them and only find out after we’ve given away our hearts that they are fake poser liar cheating assholes. Ahem. Sorry, it’s not like I’m speaking from personal experience…

So imagine dating; imagine how difficult, how awkward, how soul-killing it is. Now, throw being a vegan into the mix. I’ve been on a few dates with people who chose to be totally offensive and disrespectful of my eating preferences. That, my friends, is a dealbreaker – so the next time you’re on a date with a vegan, don’t make any of those tacky jokes, and don’t try to feed your restricted-diet potential lover a bite of your steak at dinner – it’s just rude.

But wait, it gets better. Some vegans choose not to sleep with meat-eaters altogether. Some vegans go so far as to only sleep with other vegans. It’s a phenomenon called “vegansexuality” – and I think it’d be more common among vegans if it weren’t so damn hard to find other eligible, attractive vegans. But despite the extra effort involved – a vegan-only dating diet can be worth it in more ways than one. See, when your diet is poor – and this includes not only meat, but soda, alcohol, cigarettes – it affects your health, which in turn – pay attention! – affects the way you smell and taste. (Sometimes, it also affects your asshole factor. See above.)

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Sep 2010 29

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