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May 2012 28

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Lyxzen

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Lyxzen in A Sunny Day In Portland]

Q. So my relationship is still new but already it feels like it’s losing its fire. I’ve actually known this girl since I was 17, but she was in a relationship at the time and we ended up losing touch. At the beginning of the month we found each other again online and at first she didn’t know who I was because I’ve changed so much. I keep hearing from her friends that she really likes me, but I just never get the same feeling that she wants me that I felt when we first started being together. I really like her and I really don’t want this to be like all my other relationships where the girl leaves me after a few months. If you have any advice on how to help me keep her around I would greatly appreciate it.

A. Spring has sprung and love is in the air, eh? The beginning of a relationship is so awesome. Butterflies in your stomach all the time; flirty texts, instant messages, and phone calls just to say “hi”; talking to your friends about the object of your affection so much that it borders on being annoying. I’m about a year and a half into my current relationship and I’m still guilty of all of these. Feels good, doesn’t it?

I say soak it in and stop stressing. Not every relationship is going to follow the same pattern of butterflies and giddiness, and some will end up settling down much sooner than others. Regardless of your worry about the flames dying down, your lady’s friends know her best, and if they say she’s into you – you’ve got to trust that. Sounds like you’ve turned out to be a pretty good catch if she ended up falling for you all these years later.

I do want to lay down some Dr. Phil talk on you, though. I’m picking up on insecurities on your end, and a lot of them. Maybe you didn’t like the old you before you changed, and that’s okay. We’re all ever-changing, but only you can decide if you’re growing as a person or devolving. Or maybe it’s this pattern of your previous girlfriends ditching out on you after just a few months that has you mentally preparing yourself for the same thing to happen this time.

Either way, these insecurities are preventing you from just relaxing and enjoying your time with this awesome girl. If all you’re able to do is stress out about how to keep her interest, I promise you that you will lose her interest. I’m sure men have the same sense, but I know for a fact that women can pick up on a lack of confidence pretty easily. It gets exhausting trying to convince someone you’re seeing that they’re attractive enough, intelligent enough, interesting enough, good enough in bed. And the list goes on. One of my friends recently broke it off with a guy because he kept voicing concerns that he didn’t have enough tattoos for her taste. (She hadn’t even thought of it until he brought it up, but his insecurity about it was what actually turned her off!)

Now, if you think your insecurities are more deeply-rooted, talking with a therapist or counselor is an awesome way to take control and start working seriously on the issue. If it’s not quite to that point, focus on spending time with people that make you feel confident (like really supportive friends) and working on hobbies that make you feel great — if you’re artistic or into sports, make time for these things!

And, although it sounds a little less relevant at first, another great thing to help figure yourself out is volunteering with an organization where you know you’re doing something great for other people or animals. Nothing will give you a boost like taking part in planting a community garden, helping homeless critters find loving families, or being a Big Brother or Sister to a kid who needs a role model. Volunteer Match (http://www.volunteermatch.org/) is a great place for anyone to start looking for ways help out in their community.

Let this rad new lady be your motivation to work on your confidence, but do it for yourself. Whether or not she’s in the picture, this pattern you mention will continue if you don’t break the cycle.

Good luck with everything, sweetness, and be sure to send me a wedding invite whenever it happens!

Lyxzen
xoxo

***

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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May 2012 21

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Yulia

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Yulia in Don’t Panic]

Q: So here’s my problem, while I’m sure it is not unique it’s the first time I’ve come across it. I am interested in a woman that is a single parent. I am one too. However, my access to my son is alternating weekends, whereas she is, from what I can tell, the only parent in the picture. As I’m sure you can guess, this makes going out very difficult for her.

We met at a New Year’s Eve party and all attempts to get together since have turned into one obstacle after another, all dealing with childcare. I am a patient guy and I have no problem waiting for her, she is special, strong, good looking, and devoted to her daughter.

This is pretty special to me as all of my previous partners have been rather weak and unsure of themselves. She is different. I don’t want to push into her life and make her uncomfortable, but at the same time, I do want to see her again. Tonight we almost connected, however timing and childcare became an issue again. I am sure that she wants to see me again, since, as we exchanged numbers this evening to make communication a little easier, she was apologetic about the situation.

I am a patient guy and generally nice too. This, I feel, may work against me. I’m worried that I either won’t be assertive enough and she’ll feel I’m not interested. But, on the flip side I don’t want to push too hard and come off as either an ass or desperate.

Oh, did I mention, it’s also been eleven years since I’ve been on a first date?

Sincerely, trying to remember how to date!

A: You are in a tough and confusing situation, for sure! It’s hard enough beginning any relationship after being single for a long time, but you’re interested in someone whose first concern will always be for her daughter. Even if she is actively hoping to get together with you, her desire is not her priority. Because you mention childcare I will assume her daughter is young.

It’s nerve-racking when you’ve flown solo for so long but finally have feelings for someone else. It can feel like you’re hitting puberty all over again — figuratively speaking — and experiencing that first crush. What do you say? How do you let her know? How do you know what she feels? Even though you’re past this initial stage and have already planned on spending time together, you’re still waiting for the first date. If at all possible, try to see this as anticipation and excitement rather than frustration. I’m not suggesting you stop trying to plan, but that you focus on what could be and share these feelings with the woman you’re into and maybe it will motivate her to find a good babysitter.

Easier said than done, I know. Is her child very young, or old enough to understand a few things? If we’re talking about an infant, this won’t apply, but if the child is in school than your love interest may be worried about how that child will feel if his or her mother is dating. You say there’s no father in the picture, so the mother may fear her child will get attached to quickly or immediately see you as a potential dad. She may also fear the child will see you as competition for attention. She may not want the child to see her go through the range of emotions relationships bring. However, she has expressed interest in seeing you, so if she is deeply concerned about any of this, she may be willing to see you if you agree to underplay the significance of your relationship in front of the child (at least for now). There is nothing wrong with this! Many single parents choose to wait for months before telling their children about a relationship. They aren’t lying or hiding their partners; they’re simply making sure this is important enough to share with the kids. When it is, it will be that much more meaningful.

If that’s not the case, could you suggest getting together with the kids? If both your children are there it will seem more natural, and you could even fudge the storyline a bit by telling the kids you’re friends from work, Say you just happened to have four tickets to the ball game and needed two more people. Just don’t alter the truth too often or someone will catch on. Kids aren’t stupid!

Meanwhile, perhaps there’s a way you can help her find child care. Do you know any great babysitters? Do you have any responsible relatives nearby looking for a bit of extra work? If money is an issue, offer to split the cost of a babysitter. If trust is an issue, you could suggest meeting with candidates and then inviting them to spend time with both mother and child to create that trust.

Above all, pay attention to non-verbal signs you get from her. Is she really interested, but concerned about her kid’s reaction? Is she into you, but nervous for herself? Maybe she hasn’t dated in a long time either, or maybe you are the first person she has felt an attraction to since the child’s father. Try to find some common ground in your struggles to get together and work from there.

Yulia

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Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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May 2012 07

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Tita

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Tita in West Coast]

Q: I have been with my girlfriend (girl-girl couple) for almost nine months now. Sadly, she had to move so currently we are long distance. My problem is, I am feeling unappreciated. Our relationship seems to be me giving and barely getting anything in return. Recently, I sent her a memory card full of saucy teases and the only thing she has to say is, “The videos are too short.” You see my problem?

Just the other day, I told my dad that she is my girlfriend. She asked me to do that. Considering the way he was raised, I was risking a lot. I risked it for her, but she doesn’t go telling people about me. She said she isn’t ashamed of me, and I understand why her parents cannot know, but why do I have to be a semi-secret – even from friends? These are only two examples of many.

I feel I am coming to the end of my patience. She has always been a taker and I am naturally a giver. How do I talk to her about how unsatisfied and unappreciated I feel without seeming mad, or like a total a-hole?

A: First up, I would like to point out that telling someone you are unsatisfied, or feeling under appreciated does not immediately make you an “a-hole.” Communication is an important part of any relationship, and should be one of the strongest bonds that you share.

Asking for what we want and need, and being “demanding” are not the same thing! Just as being “helpful or caring” and “overly accommodating” are not mutually exclusive.

Truthfully, distance seems to be the least of your relationship problems. Or perhaps it has just highlighted issues that were already there.

Have you asked yourself: What were things like before we separated? Was I happier then? Was my partner more engaged, or giving? (According to your email, she has “always been a taker” – so perhaps not.)

And following those questions, why not continue with: What in this relationship is worth sticking around for? You list your girlfriend’s inequities, but surely there must be some good qualities, or you wouldn’t be sticking it out. Or… would you?!?

Often times we repeat a pattern of behavior because we don’t know any different. In this case, it seems the distance should have been as good a reason as any to cut the cord, yet you chose to remain attached. Why is that?

I think you need to take a good look at what is in this for you – without pausing to tell yourself that that is selfish or mean. If you asked yourself that very question right now, gun to your head –what would you come up with?

Sure, coming out to your Dad may be positive for you in the long run, but what made you take such a leap at the request of your girlfriend, and not for yourself? In my opinion, in order to find your place in this relationship, you must first find your own voice. Figure out what you want. Itemize your needs. Visualize where you want your relationship (and life) to go. And then, take stock and see if your current relationship is a good fit.

From where I’m sitting, it doesn’t look like it.

No one’s saying it will be easy, but I hope when the time comes you find the strength to take what may be the harder of two roads.

Good luck!

*Besos*

Tita

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Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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May 2012 02

by Blogbot



SuicideGirls have just unleashed a super cute new iPad app for those that like watching “birds” of the non-feathered kind. This field guide is intended to help “ornithological” enthusiasts correctly identify Suicidium Femella, whose markings and adornments tend to make them stand out from the crowd.

“The app is based on a vintage ‘bird’ watching field guide,” SG founder Missy explains. “It features beautiful illustrations of some of the Suicide Girls by the amazing Cameron Stewart, who also did the art for the SuicideGirls Comic. All the illustrations are available as prints fulfilled by Eyes on Walls. The encyclopedic text, which helps you identify the lovelies in the field, was created by the talented Caitlin Kiernan.”

SG’s featured include Radeo, Glitch, and über-geek Bob, who’s a huge fan of the new app. “It combines everything SG is about; showcasing wit, creativity, and community,” says Bob. “You can tell a lot of people put a lot of effort into making it from the design of the app, Cameron Stewart’s amazing art, down to the cute copy describing each girl. And it’s free so everyone can enjoy it and join in the SG fun!”

Getting down to the technical nitty gritty, which is what Bob’s really goot at, she explains: “Aside from the stylized catalog of wallpaper downloads, it’s the little things in the UI that make it really shine. The app’s dynamic controls allow the user to choose between a contents search interface or page flip one that works just like the real field guides it was modeled after. There’s so much to touch, click, scroll, and read that gives the app – and the girls it features – character and life. PLUS, the integration of a shopping cart brings the possibility of bringing that downloadable wallpaper to your actual wall in a quality, frame-able format. So often you see a free app review that starts with the words ‘just a’ – but this app isn’t ‘just’ anything, it’s just EVERYTHING.”

You can download SuicideGirls’ FREE Field Guide via iTunes.

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Mar 2012 05

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Yesenia

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Yesenia in The Watering Hole]

Q: Me and my ex-boyfriend have a lot of drama going on still. We ended our relationship about three months ago, however, after we broke up we have been seeing each other almost every day. We have sex and still act like a couple around each other. I even made a trip with him and his family over the Christmas holiday.

I thought this would clear up everything, but clearly we are still broken up. He is even dating someone else who has no idea that I spent the holidays with him and his family.

What should I do? Should I tell the chick we are still dating, or should I just keep it to myself? I love this boy, and would really like to get back with him.

Please help.

A: I would talk to him about it. Talking to the girl isn’t going to do any good. He is the one essentially dating two girls, and he is the one you want to be with. He is therefore the one you should talk to.

Be honest about your feelings for him and that you want a relationship again. Since you are not committed to each other at this time, you are both allowed to see other people. If that is not something that you are okay with, I would be open about those feelings. Think about what you expect out of your time together and try to have a “bird’s eye view” of the situation.

Ultimately though, if he’s not willing to return to an exclusive situation, and that’s what you want, you must be prepared to walk away – completely this time – since clearly this current situation is not making you happy and is therefore not a healthy one for you.

Good luck!

Yesenia
xx

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Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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Feb 2012 06

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Rin

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Rin in Voyeur]

Q: My best friend fucked my ex boyfriend the day we broke up. We weren’t really friends before he and I broke up, and a week later she tried to convince me to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. When I told her I wasn’t interested she told me that she fucked my ex. Should I be alright with it since we weren’t really friends until the next week after he and I split? Should I be mad? Because I’m fucking furious and I’m not sure if I should be mad at her, but I know I should be at him because he lied to me and told me that he was still in love with me. What should I do? And I’m aware that this doesn’t have much to do with SG, I just don’t have any girlfriends that I can talk to about this and it’s tearing me up.

A: Your friend sounds like kind of a jerk! First off, she tries to ‘convince’ you to have a threesome (instead of just asking and then accepting your answer) and when you say no, she tells you about having sex with your ex. It seems like she did it to hurt you after you turned her down, and that is never cool. Although you said you don’t have many girlfriends, perhaps you should start looking for a best friend who has more respect for you than this current one seems to! It’s worth investing in friends who treat you like gold.

As for the dude, what a total dickbag. It’s emotionally manipulative for him to say ‘I love you’ when he fucked someone else the day you broke up! That kind of behavior is so destructive and because of it he doesn’t belong in your life in any capacity.

Your anger at both of them is completely legitimate. They acted in ways that were completely hurtful! My advice to you is to allow yourself to feel anger from the situation, but then to let it go and move on. If this was just a one-time douchey move for your best friend, then it’s worth discussing with her why her actions were so hurtful to you. Really examine your relationship with her, though: girlfriends are there to support and care for us when we need it, not to have sex with our exes and throw it at us later. It might indicate a long-term pattern of disrespect and that is absolutely not what friendship is about.

Rin

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Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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Jan 2012 30

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Jaeci

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Jaeci in Be My Lover]

Q: I started dating my best friend about a month after we got back to college. I’ve known her since last year, and I guess we’ve always had feelings for each other. After about two and a half months we broke up. It wasn’t supposed to be a permanent break, but she made it a break up. I don’t even talk to her anymore and I can’t stand seeing her. It just hurts. I tried to keep busy, and between work and school it was working, but not really anymore. I’ve tried talking to my other guy friends, but that doesn’t help much, and I don’t have many girl friends to talk to. I’m not over her. I’ve tried talking to her, but I can’t find the words I want to say when I do. I just want to be over her and move on, but still part of me wants to be with her. It’s frustrating. What do I do?

A: This kind of problem normally resolves itself with time…but not all of us are so patient. These brilliant words of wisdom are for anyone who just can’t get over an ex despite a short romantic relationship.

  • 1. Find a wing (wo)man — be selective — and make some plans to go out somewhere you might encounter some moderately attractive people.
  • 2A. Take a shower before you go out. Don’t trim/groom/shave everything perfectly though, it’ll a guarantee you will not get laid.
  • 2B. Get yourself off before you go out. It will help you relax, I swear.
  • 3. Make sure you look spiffy. Wear your second favorite underwear — wearing your hottest stuff is another guarantee no one will get in your pants.
  • 4. Let your wing (wo)man remind you that there is plenty of fine tail out there (and by fine tail, I might be referring to a super stellar (wo)man who could possibly, eventually be into you if (s)he doesn’t feel negatively objectified by your sexual advances. Treat all fine tail with respect.)
  • 5. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get yourself some action. Be smart and use protection — the last thing you need is something iffy going on south of the border. Do not think about your ex while you’re having sex with someone new. Do not say your ex’s name. Do not cry. Do not tell new bedmate you love him/her. Do not ask for Fruity Pebbles/Tofurkey on rye/whatever your ex’s favorite post-coital snack was.
  • 6. If you stay at his/her place, remember your manners. Be a gentleman — if (s)he stays over, offer a coffee in the morning. Ladies, we can behave like gentlemen too.
  • 7. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Happy rebounding 😉

Jaeci

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Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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