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Nov 2011 14

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Casca and Leandra

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Casca in Professor]

Q. I was with my school sweetheart for 11 years and was married for 6 of those 11 years. I worked hard to give her the world till one day I found out she had been cheating on me. We tried to give it a second try. Because we got married on Halloween, I paid for us to go to Euro Disney, but thing’s after we came back got even worse, to the point that now our marriage has ended. I still love and want her in my life, but I’m just an old romantic at heart. Friend’s say that I will find someone special again but I don’t know? I’m a tattooed English guy who feels lost in the world we live in!

A: Hiya hun! I’d like to start by saying that I can relate to what you are going through. I started seeing my partner in my first year of college and we have had more than our fare share of ups and downs.

Leaving school and starting college can be a very emotionally draining time. It therefore a common that the passion filled relationships we had with our childhood sweethearts tend to change or fizzle out around this time in our lives. There is nothing wrong with adapting and trying to make it work, but there is also nothing wrong with knowing it is time to call it a day. It seems like you have tried very hard to make the relationship work, and that’s great, but it sounds like there were some trust issues going on and that can ultimately kill a relationship.

It can be hard to move on from your first love, but it can be done. You will find someone else in the future and part of the fun in is finding that person. You will never forget this person, and you don’t even have to get over her; the key is to learn from that relationship and pour all the good stuff into a new one. Your friends are right, there are plenty of other women out there, and you will never know if one of them is that special someone until you try.

Good luck and all the best!

Casca
XOX

***


[Leandra in Verdugo]

Q. Hey Suicide Girls, I’ve been having problems with a girl I have know since her birth. We lost contact in 1999. She called me out of the blue in 2006 and we have been best friends since. We fell in love a couple months back, but she told me she doesn’t want to date me right now. I didn’t think this was fair.

I have trouble making friends in the first place, let alone trying to pick-up a girl. I was looking online at people in my area to make some friends with and a girl’s profile got my attention. She liked horror and does horror make-up for a job. How cool is that? Turns out though that my friend went to high school with her and told me not to talk to her. We got into a fight. We talked most of it out, but she left things out there.

The next day she calls and asks if I would pick her up to bring her down to my house for a few days. Her family was looking to kick her out since she hasn’t done anything since she got out of high school earlier this year. Well, I helped her out. I didn’t bring up anything about the fight or what her family was saying. I’m 30, and, to be honest, I’m with them on this. The problem is, after helping her out and dropping her off, she won’t stay on the phone for more then 5 minutes with me now.

What do I take this as? And should I continue with the other girl and ask her out being that she is 18?

A: I’m going to be brutally honest, I don’t think you can be too much into this girl because you are looking elsewhere, and someone else has caught your eye. She has said she doesn’t want to date you, and that would be enough for me to consider it over and done with as far as a relationship is concerned. Her asking for help, and then not being particularly grateful, also indicates she was just using you rather than looking to start up anything. Furthermore, you sound like you have already had enough of this, so I would let the girl and the situation go.

As for the other girl, I don’t think age really matters –– it depends on the maturity of the people involved. Most of my more intense relationships have been with older men. The problem is, how do you approach someone you don’t know? I would tread carefully, you don’t want to come across creepy in any way or scare her off. Just start with casual conversation and see if you guys could have something going on between you.

Good luck and thanks for writing in!

Leandra
xxx

***

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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Nov 2011 07

Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Perdita

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Perdita in Eames]

Q. Hi, and first of all, thanks for bringing so much sunlight into my life! I forget how long I’ve followed your site, but it’s been constantly reassuring to know that not everyone is hung up on the (double) standards we’re surrounded by every day.

OK, here goes…My personal life’s been in turmoil for a while now. After much fretting and moping, I broke up with my girlfriend last spring (we met just around my 19th birthday). Almost immediately, a not-very-close friend began showing interest in me. I started paying attention after a mutual friend arranged a date for us, which ended in sex (which, I have to say, was for me the best in maybe a decade, and she said the same).

I’m a responsible kind of guy and something of a sucker for vulnerability, and when after that first encounter she confessed she didn’t want to be just a one-night stand, I fell for her. I started spending more time at her place. She told me about her life: she’d quit a very well-paid job a couple of years previously due to burnout, had been beaten to within an inch of her life by her ex-husband, and was deeply in debt thanks to the unscrupulous nature of said ex. She has a six-year-old son with him, who’s the reason they keep in touch and are on cool but civil terms. I don’t want any kids of my own, but I get along splendidly with the young man; everyone seems to agree my presence has been a helpful influence for him (he was put through hell by the ex too, back when they were still together).

One thing led to another, and within a couple of months, I found myself married to her. (Which is something I hadn’t thought I’d ever do, but when the question was put to me, it seemed natural enough.) I don’t exactly make enough to support all of us, so I quickly started developing heavy debts, but my wife kept reassuring me her consulting firm would more than make up the deficit once it got off the ground. I supported her efforts the best I could, naturally. But she never really got started; it was too much like the job that had burnt her out previously. We talked it over and agreed that we’d be able to make ends meet if she followed my lead and took a job doing what she loves, even though it doesn’t pay well, because she’d be energized by it and wouldn’t feel the need to do it in her free time.

Well, it didn’t really happen. Her first paycheck paid for little besides the equipment she’d had to buy for the job. It’s starting to look like we both need to quit the jobs we love and find something better paid. This is creating friction. We fight over trifles (as well as politics), the sex is dead, she’s convinced I’m messing around (I’m not), we’re both depressed while trying to keep up appearances for the son’s benefit, and she’s threatened suicide more than once (she claims one of the times was a misunderstanding, but I was convinced enough that I called the paramedics after I couldn’t wake her up). I’m basically having a constant anxiety attack. All of it’s looking a lot like what I had before with my ex-girlfriend. Frankly, I’ve started thinking that marriage may have been a hasty decision.

Now, I’m trying to be as unbiased as possible. I know I have to pull my weight financially. I’m aware we’ve only known one another for a short time. I wonder if everything seems so familiar because I’m causing it somehow –– in which case I could alter my behavior and make it better? And, most of all, I’m painfully aware that she’s put a lot of faith in me after all the trouble she’s been through, and I’d hate to disappoint her (not to mention all the people who were happy to see her find a decent guy, including my parents). I have to say I’m a pretty easygoing fellow who hates conflicts and is easily led, and I fear I may have let her convince me to get into something we both wished would work out, but is ultimately damaging.

I’m torn. What should I do? Endure the misery until we’re better off and can be natural again? Or cut my losses and go back to being single, leaving her bitter and disappointed once again? Or even something else, like separate to let the air clear and then try again? (A lot of “agains” there.) Any advice or perspective would be most appreciated.

A: It sounds like there is a lot going on here and you seem to have a very clear understanding of the situation, however you need to make a decision. I do think you both need an outside and neutral mediator to help because it sounds like you want to make this work and you care enough to stick around, but you guys are constantly butting heads at this point. If you are able to seek professional help for this, I would highly recommend it, if more for your wife than yourself. A single suicide attempt is more than enough of an indication that someone is dealing with more than they can handle, and she is also clearly carrying baggage from her past relationship. If you’re worried about the cost, many states have options for people seeking help with mental health issues that do not have insurance or the means to pay full price, so I would seek those out to see if you qualify.

You guys are also in financial straights right now in the middle of one of worst economies in 100 years. Believe me when I say that working a job you’re burned out on is no fun, but neither is being homeless, or up to your eyeballs in debt. You also have the needs of a little boy to consider, and sometimes you have to take the job you don’t love because it provides what you need. You both need to suck it up to an extent, and, if you have access to better jobs, now is the time to get them. I understand that it can be frustrating and unfulfilling to work at a job you hate, but this relationship would benefit from structure and stability. As for your finances, you need to sit down, take a look at all the debt you have and figure out how to manage it, make a budget and stick to it. Once you get a handle on your finances and get into a regular routine, there’s no reason why you can’t pursue your interests (together and separately) as hobbies, at least in the meantime.

Ultimately every relationship takes work, and while this relationship may take more work, it sounds like something you are willing to do. So get some professional help, start discussing your issues on a regular basis and concentrate on improving your financial situation, that way you’ll be moving in the right direction for a healthier, happier relationship.

Perdita

***

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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Oct 2011 31

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Yesenia and Atlea

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Yesenia in The Watering Hole]

Q. I have been in a relationship now for about a year and a half. She is about to move into my house but we are both feeling somewhat hesitant. She is a wonderful person and we share such great times together. But, every time a relationship reaches this point, I feel like it is time to move on. I continually go through this same feeling throughout the course of my relationships and life, and I am starting to wonder if I can ever be happy with any one person or if I am bound to continually reject someone who loves me after a year or so with them?

What should I do? Stick it out with her and repress my desires? Or break it off and continue the same pattern of my past love history?

Confused.

A: You will need to ask yourself some questions before making a decision. Are you afraid of commitment? Do you ‘settle’ for someone and hope for the best, later to realize the realtionship is empty? What are some key things that have kept you with her for this long?

Sometimes chemistry fades, and as much as you would like to be in love with that person, it may be out of your hands. Just be sure to rule out any other possibilities first. You may need some time to clear your head, alone. Think about why your past relationships did not work, and if it was something that could have been noticed earlier on. It would be hurtful to both of you if you stayed in a relationship only to escape the hurt of breaking up. That is not a life, and we only get one – so follow your heart.

Were things great until you two decided to move in together? The answer to that may help you understand your situation. Are you bored and looking for excitement? Maybe checking out new places together and trying new things in the bedroom will help. When things get too repetitive – they can cause your brain to freak out. It is important to keep things interesting, but feeling bored in a long-term relationship is normal. It is a common issue for couples around the world.

Try looking at old pictures of the two of you and see what emotions you get out of that. If you do end up moving in together, make sure you talk about what would happen if you two broke up. Decide who would move out, and who would continue to complete the lease – or maybe you would both pay to cancel the lease. Also, make sure it is an affordable position incase one has to pay it alone. This will help you not feel trapped and give you some breathing room.

Best of luck to you!

Just relax, kisses xxx

Yesenia

***


[Atlea in Temptation Waits]

Q. Never in my life did I think that I would have an issue with finding a woman that was up for sex all the time. I’ve been dating my fiancé for a year now, engaged for about 5 months. We moved in together about 3 months ago. I am a very busy project manager for a construction company and put in at least 55-60 hours a week. She is taking her CPA exams right now, which is a real bear. To support her in her endeavor, I told her to not worry about ANY of the cooking, cleaning, or household tasks. I told her to focus solely on this ridiculous exam. So after I come home anywhere between 6 and 9 o’clock, cook dinner, clean up and get settled, I’m finally spent. 

Here’s the gist: Whether or not she leads on or not, I feel the constant burning and aching in her crotch from across the room to get fucked. I know that she’s always craving my cock. It’s never in question. This in itself is badass, however, it’s become exhausting. 



Pre-story: My last serious girlfriend of 3+ years was a little frigid, and used sex or the withholding of sex to her ends. It got to a point when we were living together that we might only have sex 2 or 3 times a month. At which point, I told her to kick rocks because she was essentially just a roommate. She used to say, like I’m starting to feel now, that because I was always ready to rock, that it felt like there was no intrigue or mystery to rolling in the hay. The irony for me is clear and present. 

I feel ashamed because I sometimes think that I enjoy giving myself a tug on SG more than I do having sex my very sexy fiancé. I think part of it is because the women on SG are unobtainable to me thus being more attractive to than my insatiably cock-hungry lady. I’m very attracted to my fiancé, but her constant attention and need to for sex has actually become a turn-off. I have pretty much told her everything I just expressed to you, but what do you say? 


A: First and foremost, you probably shouldn’t bother feeling ashamed about giving yourself some solo loving and enjoying it. What you do with your hands and body on your own time can be separate from your sexual life with a partner. Secondly, congrats on having already talked about the situation with her. You didn’t give me any details on how that conversation went, which could have kept me from making assumptions, but I’ll try my best at giving my advice.

You seem to indicate two separate reasons as to why her constant need is bothering you. First, you mention how hard you work and how much extra time you put in at home to help her out. Does this, on it’s own, cause you to be exhausted? You didn’t mention if she’s working on top of being in school, but even then, I think it’d be fair game to ask her to help out at least once or twice a week. This way, at least subconsciously, you don’t feel as much pressure and responsibility towards her and the promise you made to her to help her with school. This would make you feel like more like a team, and that synergy can help spark back appreciation and even sometimes desire with it. Also, your levels of exhaustion might be more balanced if she did a few more chores.

Sex, in itself, isn’t necessarily a reward. Since you do everything else, she could possibly see having sex as a way of letting you know how much she appreciates everything you do for her. But maybe that’s not exactly what you need. This, of course, is something you’ll have to find out and work through with her. Maybe the constant demand for sex, or satisfying your better half, is making you feel pressured into it and let’s just all agree here that sex and pressure are not to be used in the same sentence if the objective is having a good time.

The second reason you’re expressing here is that there might be a bit of a lack of desire on your part because sex is just too readily available. I mean there’s only so much free candy that can make you happy, right? Going from a past relationship where sex was the holy end to a ridiculous (and quite unfair, if she was holding out on you for her own means) quest, to a new relationship where it’s just so easy to get (even when you don’t want it) is tough! It’s hard for you to compare, and let’s face it, there are always things that we will compare. Not that this is necessarily an unhealthy thing, sometimes you learn from your mistakes but you need to remember them to be able to find a resolution best fitted for the situation at hand.

Let her know you need the chase. Tell her you’re still very much attracted to her, but you’d like to feel challenged at times. This might seem like an awkward thing to bring up, but it is the truth, and until she knows there’s no way she’ll be able to change that. Especially, like I mentioned before, if she thinks that this is what you’d want or expect. Maybe try playing some sex games, or introducing it in some other routine. Maybe don’t have sex every time she wants it, but take the time to appreciate the other parts of your bodies. Rediscover each other. Snuggle together without having the intention/pressure to fuck. But beforehand, make it clear to her that it’s not because you don’t appreciate sex with her, it’s more that you’d like some moments of pure intimacy with her and her body to just appreciate her as a whole.

Lastly, you mentioned that ‘whether she leads on or not’ you feel her constant need to get fucked. I can’t help but feel that unless she’s constantly asking and/or badgering you for it, maybe you’re actually putting a little too much pressure on yourself? Hopefully you’re not being your own enemy here, but it may be something to look into as well. In any case, take the time to find out how you both can work a schedule that leaves neither of you exhausted, and find a way to make sex and love part of the same whole. Sex should always be a fun adventure, so eliminate where the pressure’s coming from and the whole thing should work itself out.

Atlea

***

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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Oct 2011 24

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Fabrizia and Morgan

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Fabrizia in Cottonwood]

Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost five months. At first everything was great. He announced us being together on Facebook and all that. But one day he suddenly set his status to single. I didn’t make a big deal out of it because I don’t even have mine up. But then he blocked me from viewing his wall, and when I asked him about it, he lied and said he turned it off for everybody. When I found out that wasn’t true and confronted him, he turned it back on but took away my posting rights so that I couldn’t make comments.

When I scrolled to read old posts he had one that said: “Its about to get cold, I need a nice girl to keep me warm. Is she here?” When I asked him about it, he said he posted it because we had a fight and he felt like I was going to break up with him. I have a decent memory and we hadn’t fought that day, but I second guessed myself and went along with it. Then he told me it was better that we weren’t Facebook friends because I read too much into his cryptic posts and he didn’t want me to think anything was going on just because girls post on his wall.

Despite the online stuff, everything else seems OK. He texts a few times throughout the day and we hangout almost every evening. But he is unemployed, so I am the one doing the driving, the food buying, the entertainment purchasing, etc. My question is: Am I being used for money, sex, and transportation? Or am I seriously being paranoid and over-reactive?

A: I think it would be wise for you to sit down and give some thought as to what exactly it is about this guy that you find attractive. Based on what you have shared, he doesn’t seem to have many redeeming qualities. For one, he is unemployed and you are questioning if you are being used. If you have to question that, I would assume that he is not showing appreciation or making you feel valued for being so accommodating. At the very least, he should be bending over backwards to make you feel cared for, special, beautiful, secure, etc. However, from what you have stated he isn’t even doing that! He’s lying to you, being elusive about his relationship status online, and placing the blame for his shitty behavior on you. The guy sounds like he isn’t worth all of the energy and thought you are placing on him. So to answer your question, no, I do not think you are over-reacting at all. This guy has proven to be dishonest and immature. Please think about what I am saying and try to assess whether or not this is truly worth your energy and your heart. I suspect that you already know that you can do better!

Best of luck to you.



Fabrizia
xoxo

***


[Morgan in Green Like Cash]

Q. I recently asked a girl to go on a date with me, she said that she was a lesbian, but she would still go on the date with me because I’m a nice guy and kinda cute. We went on the date, got some good food, saw a movie, then came back to my place. She kept reiterating that “nothing is going to happen,” and that she had a girl friend (who I met just a couple days later). We got back to my place, hung out a little, and watched another movie. She got close and touchy, but nothing beyond that happened. We went out to lunch and on a couple more dates after that, with and without her girlfriend. She would get touchy with me at times while holding her girls hand. Anyway, I’m just super confused about what I should do or how I should act and what any of this means. Can you help me?

A: It sounds like your friend has made her intentions clear verbally but is confusing you by getting physically close. Keep in mind that she may just be a particularly touchy-feely person. Some people are affectionate in that way and that doesn’t necessarily mean they have any interest in getting into your pants. Despite potentially confusing physical interactions, I would advice you to listen to what your friend has been saying to you. In your own words she has been reiterating that nothing is going to happen between you two. If her words say, “we are only going to be friends” –– respect those words. Look at it this way: if you assume you have no chance and it turns out that your friend IS attracted to you, it can be a pleasant surprise. As opposed to waiting around hoping you’ll be the dude exception to her rules of attraction and being constantly disappointed.

Morgan

***

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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Oct 2011 17

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Jaeci

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Jaeci in Be My Lover]

Q: I’m in an odd situation that makes me feel like I’m living in some crazy romance sitcom. I flirt, a LOT, and normally it’s all completely harmless. Then one night my boss (who happens to be my age, early twenties, and one of those man whores that just oozes charm – he’s that kind of guy you just love to hate) took it from just being jokes to us actually messing around. There was no sex, just basic fun and teasing.

At first I thought it was going to be fun, even a bit sexy in that “dirty secret” kind of way. But it is so complicated! And I know it’s complicated because of him. He makes this whole thing suck. He’s always busy and completely terrified of us getting caught. We almost never hang out, which means we almost never do anything. It seems like we only have “fun” if we close together and everyone else leaves before we do.

I decided that the whole thing was stupid and that I was done and started leaving him alone. When I did that he started screwing with my head and saying just the right things to get me all flustered. When he does this, he’s all I can think about for awhile. And he does it every time I start leaving him alone.

But the part that confuses the hell out of me is if I try and hang out with him, even blatantly agree to have sex when he suggested it, NOTHING HAPPENS. Then rise, repeat. I leave him alone, he starts going out of his way to get my attention. I don’t know what to do about it anymore. He mind fucks away all of my common sense. I would just like to have sex with him and get it over with, but I have no idea how to go about it, or even if it’s possible with a guy like him.

I can’t talk about any of this with anyone here since no one is supposed to know (and my best friend told me I shouldn’t even flirt with him since I am “way to cute for him,” which makes me even less inclined to ask her for an opinion). I can’t get any input on what I should/could be doing, then I saw your post on twitter and figured I’d ask the lovely ladies of SG that might be a bit more open minded to me just wanting to have a good time with this.

What do I do with this situation? Is there still potential for some fun, or has this whole thing just turned into a lost cause? And if it is a lost cause, would you have any recommendations for screwing with his head? I think some karma would be nice LOL!

A: Alright, my girl, there’s one major thing here that tells me how to direct you. I’ll even quote someone involved in the situation — you. “He makes this whole thing suck.” Hmm?

A “dirty little secret” affair, whether or not is a good idea, is supposed to be fun, sexy, and exciting. This doesn’t sound terribly fun, sexy, OR exciting. Get your wits about you, and play off his advances. When you really want to sleep with someone, you sleep with someone. He could have a million reasons for not pursuing a sexual relationship with you. He could be afraid of what will happen if you actually sleep together and eventually something goes wrong between you — sexual harassment claims, the leverage he fears you’ll have over him, etc. It could also be a case of someone wanting something they know they shouldn’t have. Or the classic thrill-of-the-chase syndrome, wherein the catch does not seem as interesting as the pursuit.

The attention you give him is for sure boosting his ego — but as it seems he’s got enough of that as it is, you can drop it. You definitely haven’t made any kind of case that would suggest that he is worth pursuing. Sounds like high time you stop responding to his flirtations.

I’m not saying to be mean. In fact, that would be foolish — he’s your boss. Be casual and friendly, but pour the proverbial bucket of cold water on your head and make your hots for him fizzle out.

Also, there’s no need for some kind of karmic piñata smashing where you swing blindly at the dude’s balls and hope to get him back for leading you on. If you like your job, don’t actively mess with your boss. Your lack of interest will be enough of a mindfuck for him. Just leave it alone, leave him alone, and you’ll silently put him back in his place — he’s your boss, you’re his employee, it could have been hot, instead it was lame. Go back to being on friendly terms, now everyone zip up your pants, it wasn’t getting anywhere anyway.

Lots of luck!

Jaeci

PS. I have had a boss-affair, I speak from experience, and I judge you not.

PPS. If you’re looking for a guy to sleep with, don’t pick someone “you just love to hate.” Seriously, lady! 😉

***

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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Oct 2011 03

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Squee and Clio

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Squee in Philosophy]

Q: I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We work really well together, and he legitimately makes me happy. Here is the issue; my upbringing was incredibly sheltered. He is the only person I have been with sexually, while he has had plenty of sexual experiences and encounters. He knows that my upbringing has resulted in me being very, very curious about sex and sexuality, and has been amazingly supportive of my questions and ideas and urges to try knew things.

He is even accepting of me experiencing sex with a woman at some point. (I know, what guy isn’t! But if you knew him and how he is you would see why this is a HUGE deal). That being said, I recently brought up the idea of buying one of those Clone A Willy kits. It’s a kit that allows you to make a vibrating replica of any penis you want. For a long time I’ve wanted to delve into the world of sex toys, so when I approached him I was pretty enthusiastic. But to my surprise, he was livid. He was angry and hurt that I would even want to try such a thing. He reaction was so shocking that I’m kinda afraid to bring it up again. I just don’t understand how he can say yes to sex with a whole person but no to a toy. Am I missing something?

A: I must admit, I would also presume most men would have more of an issue with sex with another person than with an object. If I were you I would try and talk to him about it again. I wouldn’t approach it from the angle that your really want to use toys and would like him to be more understanding. I would sit down and try and find out what upset him so much about the idea. Explain to him how important it is to you that you can be open and able to discuss these kinds of things, and let him know you’d just like to understand what he really dislikes about the idea.

He might have a serious reason that he just won’t budge on, or maybe he has some kind of small hang-up that you can talk out and overcome. Either way, it sounds like he has been incredibly patient with you, and it sounds like it’s your turn to be patient with him. If he continues to put his foot down and not want to talk about it, I think you will just have to assess how happy you are with that situation. If he still makes you happy and toys don’t seem so important, then that’s great. If being unable to experiment leaves you feeling uneasy and repressed, then you may have to reassess your situation.

Good luck. I hope you manage to talk things out!

 


Squee
xxx

***


[Clio in Born Into A Light]

Q: My boyfriend left me after two years of dating. He says it’s for a while. We made a stupid deal that I only agreed because I love him and do not want to be without him. The deal is to be just friends for seven months, and although it has a little over a month and I’m still just devastated.

He asks me for money and favors. Of course I give him what he wants, because I love him. But apparently he does not think the same with me, because when I want to be with him, just to watch a movie and talked for a while, he is always busy. He keeps saying he loves me. He says the reason for separation is so we can become strong as individuals so we can be together without problems.

I know I am a dependent person, but I tried not to choke him, and now I do not call him or write him –– only when I have something important to say or ask. I do not know what to do.

A: Dear Blinded-by-Love, I’m sorry you got dumped and are now caught up in this lame situation. From what you wrote, it seems to me that he’s over your relationship and is just using you to do shit for him and lend him cash. The decision to take a break was obviously one-sided, putting him in control. Don’t give him this kind of power over you and stop letting him take advantage of you ASAP!

There is no guarantee that in seven months things will magically be better and that you two can have an untroubled relationship again, so either tell him how you feel and work out the problems together, become less dependent on him, or accept that he sucks for letting you go and move on. If he loves you like he says he does, he will listen to what you have to say and work towards a better relationship with you in a way that works for you both. But if he keeps being ‘too busy’ to talk, you should draw your own conclusions. I hope things work out for you!

Clio
xoxo

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Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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Sep 2011 19

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Rin

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Rin in Voyeur]

Q: My girlfriend just broke up with me recently after four years of dating and almost a year of being engaged. I never thought this would happen but she just up and left for reasons she would never tell me.

With all that behind me, my real question is what to do now? I have tried going out to meet people but with no luck. I have tried online sites but they seem just as bad as going out for meeting new people. I do have a few friends around but just find myself so lonely all the time. I work from home which doesn’t really help. It’s a good job working on computers and I make great money, but it doesn’t help me meet people at all. I just don’t know what to do with myself and find myself fighting loneliness all the time.

A: Regrouping after the breakup of a long-term relationship can be very difficult. The first thing to address is your loneliness. You’ve mentioned you work from home and make a good income. If you don’t already have one, you should purchase a laptop and take as much of your work outside the house as possible. Even if it’s just for an hour or two a day, hanging out in a coffee shop and working will give you a nice dose of people. Choose a pleasant coffee shop, even if it’s out of your way. Maybe it’s in the neighborhood you want to live in, or maybe it just has a great atmosphere.

When you’re lonely, it’s important to reach out to your friends. They care about you and want to see you happy –– try to make two or three friend outings every week. Good friends are the backbone of getting through a breakup.

Because you work at home and are in a low place right now, you should consider adding some physical activity to your weekly routine. Exercise releases all sorts of beneficial chemicals in our brains, like serotonin and endorphins. Cultivating a feeling of wellbeing will definitely help with your loneliness and put you in a good place for when you do meet someone new. Joining a gym would be the easiest step, but you could also try yoga, team sports, or just go running in your own neighborhood. Lifting weights at home would also do the trick, though it doesn’t have the added potential social benefits.

Since you just got out of a relationship, give yourself some time to recuperate before you stress about meeting someone new. Make new goals — find things you can achieve on your own. Spend time figuring out what makes you happy, then do it! In a long-term relationship we can lose ourselves and it can be really empowering, when single, to find out what we want to do and just do it without worrying about the repercussions.

Maybe she was against you getting tattoos; maybe she didn’t like it when you went out with your friends and came home late; maybe she hated it when you played your favorite album on repeat for three hours straight. Now is your time to do whatever the fuck you want without needing the approval of another person. Discover the good parts of being single. It sounds contradictory, but it’s true! Sometimes being single is fun.

Hope those suggestions are helpful to you!

Rin

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Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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