by Bradley Suicide

Lets talk a little bit about social media and relationships. It’s no secret that social media has been around for a minute now and isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. With that being said, I have found through my past relationships and present dating experiences that it can make things very hard to manage when it comes to the wonderful world of romance.

I recently spoke with a close friend of mine who is a divorce and family law attorney. She told me that 9 out of 10 of her divorce cases mention Facebook in their paperwork. Does that tell us something? I mean, on one hand, if someone is going to cheat they are going to cheat –– right? On the other, social media sites like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook make cheating so much more attainable. Basically, you put a recovered heroin addict around heroin for long enough something is probably gonna give I guess?

There is a whole other side of this as well. Before social media, when you had a problem as a couple, you were forced to work it out. In your own way and your own time, but the two of you had to eventually sit down and hash out an argument. Now I find it incredibly dangerous that instead of actually dealing with a problem head on as a couple, you can go online, login, and lull yourself into a false sense of security based on “likes” from nameless, faceless people that you don’t know. Shouldn’t our partner be the person giving us that affirmation rather than strangers?

When it comes to basic get-to-know-you dating there are a few ups and downs with social media as well. I guess it is kind of cool to be able to find out interesting things about the person you have started seeing, like what books they enjoy, their taste in music, etc… But, at the same time, isn’t that one of the best parts of the start of a new relationship? Finding out those fun little facts about the other person. Figuring out your differences and similarities, then determining your compatibility as it comes without preconceived notions.

On top of that I have run into the issue of dudes that I have started to see casually social media “stalking” me. Now I know to draw a hard line with a guy when this happens due to recent experiences. A perfect example, I put up a picture on my Instagram of me and my brother. Not ten minutes later I get a text asking me twenty questions about where I was, who I was with, and who the dude on my IG was. Stalk much? Trust me, I enjoyed this dude’s company and things were going really well, but this behavior continued, spilling onto Twitter as well. I couldn’t win. We weren’t even exclusive at this point. All I could hear in my head was “Hi! I’m a red flag!”.

I strive to keep my head firmly planted on my shoulders and am thankful everyday for the doors that my social media accounts and my amazing followers have opened for me. But, at the end of the day, I choose to now keep my relationships and my social media completely separate. In the end, these networking sites are here to stay. They have their perks and I appreciate all of the networking they have allowed me to do professionally, as well as all of the friends and family that they allow me to easily keep in contact with back home. However, I do have to say, there is nothing sexier to me these days than when a man says that he doesn’t have a Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. It’s downright panty dropping. The thing that I try my hardest to keep in mind is to not allow my social media accounts to cause me to lose sight of the people that are real in my life, as I catch myself chasing the ones who only appear to be.

Social media really does make me a reluctant dater…

Until next time,

XOXO

Bradley

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Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater

by Blogbot

ICYMI: Nina Hartley and the ladies of SG Radio submit to the Master of O.

This Thursday, May 8th on SuicideGirls Radio, hosts Nicole Powers, Juturna and Moxi Suicide will be joined by Nina Hartley and her partner Ernest Greene, author of the indecently sexy tale of love, lust, domination, and submission Master of O.

You can listen – and watch – the world’s leading BYOB radio show live on Thursday nights from 6 til 8 PM at our new state-of-the-art all digital home: TradioV.com.

You’ll also be able to listen to our podcasts via Stitcher – download the app now!

If you have questions for the SG Radio crew or our guests, you can call in during the live broadcast at: 1-855-TRV-inLA (1-855-878-4652)

For updates on all things SG Radio-related, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

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by Bradley Suicide

Well ladies and gents, the seasons are changing. The weather is getting warmer and the pools are opening here in Sin City, Las Vegas. Folks are shedding their clothes and in many cases, their relationships.

Very regrettably, I currently find myself in the latter of these situations. As the seasons of the calendar year change so do the seasons of my life I suppose.

This begs the question, what is a girl to do when the life that she was ready to settle down into is ripped away one day? No warning, no idea it was coming. If you’re me, you pour yourself a giant glass of wine –– or just drink straight from the bottle –– and do your best to try and handle the present situation, regardless of how shitty it may be, with some semblance of grace.

I find myself trying to be a big girl and move forward. This has not proven to be an easy task. I find myself wondering where he is, who he’s with –– is he already moving on?

We’ve been broken up for all of a freaking week and it seems like he might be jumping into something, namely another girl’s vagina, already. This very well could just be my brain and emotions messing with me, but I am a firm believer in the fact that 99.9% of the time your gut is correct. The only thing that is for sure is that this really blows.

Over the past few days I have had to face some harsh realities and lessons that did not come easy for me. I have outlined some basic breakup dos and don’ts for you that I have found helpful as well as shared some of my personal experiences:

1. Stop twitter stalking.

As a #twitterfreak, this is not the easiest thing for me to do. As previously stated, I am constantly finding myself wondering about him and what he is doing. During these moments of intense emotion, I have to exercise every single bit of self-control that I can possibly muster to stay off Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc.

When it comes down to it, you can continue to torture yourself further and send yourself into a horrible tailspin that inevitably will end with you in a pile on the bed sobbing uncontrollably, or you can pick up a good book and try your very best to get lost in it.

[Side note: For situations like this I recommend Drinking and Tweeting by Brandi Glanville. Not only will you laugh hysterically, but you won’t feel so bad about your breakup anymore. That chick has been through hell and back with her divorce].

By stalking your ex on social media, the bottom line is that you are adding fuel to the fire, when you really just need to extinguish it. I am very aware that it sucks, but the longer you keep tabs on him, the longer your heartache will last.

Why allow someone who has told you that they don’t want to be with you to have that much control over your emotions? They gave up that right when they made the decision to leave.

2. Keep your social media posts classy.

This is short and sweet. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have wanted to hop on my Twitter and either talk about how much pain I am in or kick, scream, and call him every name in the book in an attempt to vent and get some sort of release. Please, just say no. Fight the urge and be the bigger person. Again, it goes back to not letting someone who walked out on you be in control of your emotions anymore.

And ladies, I beg you, please don’t post pictures on your IG showing you with a pint of ice cream and a pile of tissues. You are better than that. I am the first person to admit that breakups are emotionally, mentally, and even physically horrible, but posts like that just let him win. It’s your job to have a stiff upper lip and handle this like the lady that you are.

3. Be fabulous

One thing that I have strived to do through this ordeal, that has honestly made me feel a crap ton better, is putting myself together at the beginning of the day. Before I exit my front door, I have on a killer outfit, my makeup is fresh, and my hair is done. Days when you go the extra mile to make yourself feel extra foxy are always the days that you feel like you can take on the world. The way that I see it is that after a really hard breakup you need that extra boost more than ever. Try it! I promise you, it really does help.

Pro tip: My best friend told me a couple of days ago “Never cry over a dude once your makeup is on for the day. You spend way too much money on your cosmetics to cry it all off over some asshole.” She is one of the wisest women I know.

4. Hang with your besties.

My mom and my best friends are the people that I have to thank for helping me get through this shitty experience. Without them there to lean on, I really don’t know if I would have had it in me to get out of bed some mornings. Melodramatic, but true.

Lean on your closest circle for support, they will be there to catch you as your emotions fall and hold your hand to comfort you. From just lending an ear, to telling you what you need to hear (he’s a giant douche bag!), to getting you out of the house, your friends will give you the love and support you need, and will help you keep your sanity when you feel like you have lost all hope.

5. Go out.

I’m not saying to go out and drink yourself into a coma, as pleasant as that might sound at the moment. What I’m saying is get out and do things. Go out and have a cocktail, meet up with friends and coworkers, try new restaurants, catch a movie, hike, go do yoga. Basically, get out and start living YOUR life. It’s a chance for a fresh beginning. Make it a good one.

6. Allow yourself to have a crush or two.

When my relationship came to an abrupt end my confidence was shattered. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I know a lot of other ladies who have felt the same. Irrational as it may be, you feel slightly damaged. So I firmly feel that when the time is right and you are ready to head out for the night with your girlfriends, there is nothing wrong with letting the handsome guy you met in the bar buy you a drink.

I am definitely not saying to go out and start hopping in the sack with dudes –– I actually feel that doing that can be damaging and end up hurting you more. But allow yourself to flirt a little, and build your confidence back up.

***

I know that the above is easier said than done. Yes, I still break these rules for sure, and some days are better than others, but hey, I’m working on it and it does get better with time.

I began writing this column just days after my break up. I put it down, and came back to it a couple of weeks later. I can honestly say that, very slowly, it is getting easier.

The hurt and pain are still very real and seeing him with someone else all over the internet (yep, I told you that I occasionally cave in and break my own rules) twists the knife even more.

Everyone has been in this position and it will always hurt. I know that I am not the first or last person to have their heartbroken. I am trying my best to move my life forward in positive and healthy ways, and allow myself a little fun too.

Bring on the Vegas summer. Cheers to new beginnings.

XOXO
Bradley

Related Posts
Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater: Hot Chicks And Douchebags
Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater: The Jake Ryan Theory
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Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater: Champagne Wishes And Rockstar Dreams
Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater

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by Blogbot

This Thursday, February 13th on SuicideGirls Radio, hosts Nicole Powers and Juturna Suicide will be joined in studio by filmmaker Lina Esco who is currently in the final stages of production on her cinematic endeavor to help Free The Nipple. SG Radio regular David Seaman will also be on our panel to offer a male perspective on the areola inequality that plagues our nation.

You can listen – and watch – the world’s leading BYOB radio show live on Thursday nights from 6 til 8 PM at our new state-of-the-art all digital home: TradioV.com.

You’ll also be able to listen to our podcasts via Stitcher – download the app now!

If you have questions for the SG Radio crew or our guests, you can call in during the live broadcast at: 1-855-TRV-inLA (1-855-878-4652)

For updates on all things SG Radio-related, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

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by Darrah de jour

With a new year, comes a new chance to build a life with your sobriety as the cornerstone. The holidays – and the challenges they brought – are behind you, and this month of January is the perfect time to think about all that you are grateful for, and all that you hope to achieve in 2014. Is it attending more meetings? Getting a sponsor? A sponsee? Do you hope to travel or reconnect with old friends, but fear that the change might be a trigger to use? I reached out to DeAnna Jordan, the clinical director at New Method Wellness (http://www.newmethodwellness.com) rehabilitation center for expert advice. Whatever you choose to do to walk your walk and stay strong, here are some tips to help you along your path. Be well!

Do not give into peer pressure
Your sobriety comes first. If there are functions that make you uncomfortable, say no. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way just to put others at ease.

Surround yourself with positive influences
If you surround yourself with heavy drinkers and users, then your hopes of remaining sober are in serious jeopardy. Surround yourself around people that are responsible and supportive of your sobriety decision.

Do not put yourself near known triggers
If you know the tangible triggers that make you want to use drugs or alcohol, then steer clear of them and place yourself in situations that put you at ease and make you secure and comfortable.

Be social – but be careful
Keeping track of how long you have been at a party can sometimes be key. Staying too long can likely expose an individual to triggers as the party progresses later into the night. Two hours is usually a good maximum to have in mind.

Do practice self-care
Go to meetings, make calls, take time out for yourself, eat well, and sleep well. Take everything a day at a time and make sure that you are keeping track of your needs.

DeAnna Jordan is New Method Wellness’s Clinical Director. She has worked in recovery services for over 20 years, specializing in the maintenance of healthy relationships.

Darrah de jour is a freelance journalist and consultant, with a focus on sensuality, environmentalism, and fearless women in the media. She appears as a “Woman on the Street” on The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet and has contributed to The Conversation website. Her lifestyle writing and celebrity interviews have appeared in Marie Claire, Esquire and W, among others. She contributes author and filmmaker interviews to The Rumpus and Hollywood Today. Her dating confessions have appeared in GirlieGirl Army and xoJane. Darrah’s “Red, White and Femme” columns for SuicideGirls take a fresh look at females in America – investigating issues like gender, bisexuality, sex work, motherhood and more. Feel free to friend her on Facebook.

by Blogbot

This Thursday, November 7th on SuicideGirls Radio, hosts Nicole Powers and Juturna Suicide will be discussing feminism and porn – and whether feminist porn is an oxymoron – with award winning adult movie actor and director Kimberly Kane, SG model Adria Suicide, her partner artist-cum-x-rated-actor Zak Smith a.k.a. Zak Sabbath, and the sexually irrepressible recording artist Smoota.

You can listen – and watch – the world’s leading naked radio show live on Thursday nights from 6 til 8 PM at our new state-of-the-art all digital home: TradioV.com/LA.

If you have questions for the SG Radio crew or our guests, you can call in during the live broadcast at: 1-855-TRV-inLA (1-855-878-4652)

For updates on all things SG Radio-related, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

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