by Zach D. Roberts

Republican Presidential contender Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the moon by the end of his second term.

I’m assuming you’ve probably already heard about this… but I’m still going to let it set in.

Just another minute…Please really let it set in that the former speaker of the house back in the ‘90s that was booted out of the Congress for ethics violations, paid a $300k fine, has had 3 wives, got paid over a million dollars from Fannie and Freddie for being a ‘historian’ wants to build a colony on the moon at the end of his second term.

Oh, not the whole colony on the moon thing…I’m talking about the fact that he thinks he’s going to have not only a first term, but a second one.

Ok. So now that you’ve wrapped your head around that – let’s ponder the putting people on the moon thing, for permanent like.

I’ll wait for you. The man who wants to cut pretty much every social program from the country’s budget would like to, it seems, at government expense send a bunch of people from Ohio to the moon (look it up, like every freaking astronaut is from Ohio, it’s weird). You know, cause flights to the moon are cheap as shit….I think Southwest has a hub there now.

Well not exactly.

It’s actually estimated to be INCREDIBLY UNBELIEVABLY EXPENSIVE (note to editor, keep the caps)…like solve world hunger expensive, like Iraq War expensive – well, actually, not that expensive.

Slate.com estimates the cost would be around a TRILLION DOLLARS.

Yes, that’s trillion with a T.

(Why do I have the unconscious need to place my pinky finger to the edge of mouth every time I type ‘a trillion dollars’… damn you Michael Myers)

Let me type that out for you.

$1,000,000,000,000

That’s four f**king commas.

Ok, so let’s ignore the absurdities of it all and have some fun with the money.

After we’ve all had our turn in the Scrooge McDuck money vault – let’s get spending.

10 Things You Could Do With A Trillion Bucks

1. Pay For 9 Apollo Projects

2. Pay For 7,541,478 Very Expensive Divorces

3. Employ 16,666,666 Full Time Janitors For A Year

4. Buy 128,865,979,381 Copies of Saul Alinski’s Rules for Radicals
(Enough for about 1/3rd of the US Population.)

5. Pay Off 1/15th Of The National Debt

6. Pick Up The Tab For The “Additional Cost” Of “ObamaCare” For About 10 Years
(This, of course, doesn’t take into account many different factors that would save the country money.)

7. Pay For Private Health Care For 299,065,420 Americans For One Year
(Albeit, calculated at an average cost of $13,375 per family of four.)

8. Pay For The Infrastructure For California’s High Speed Rail Network – Ten Times Over!!!
(And we only need to do it once, so we’d have created lots of jobs and still have oodles of cash to spare. Studies show that for every $1 billion spent on infrastructure remediation creates between 18,000 and 34,000 jobs – via Barry LePatner, author of Too Big to Fail: America’s Failing Infrastructure and the Way Forward.)

9. Cover The Government’s Portion Of The Corporation For Public Broadcasting’s Budget For The Next 2325 Years

10. Pay Off Everyone’s Student Debt
(“If you erase the debt record, we all go back to zero.”)

And one extra…

I’m required by contract (not really) to mention that you could also buy SuicideGirls subscriptions for every American for the next 94 years! [I think we could arrange a special bulk purchase ‘buy 94 get 100 years’ deal for the US government – Ed!]

Zach D. Roberts is a photo/video journalist who’s work has been seen in the Observer, The Guardian Online, TheNation.com, The Minnesota Independent, among others. For the past 5 years he’s been working as a researcher/producer for Greg Palast. He produced several DVD’s and news pieces for the BBC’s Newsnight show. Zach edited Palast and RFK Jr’s Steal Back Your Vote comic – which had nearly 100,000 downloads and print copies distributed throughout the world). Currently he works regularly as a video producer for Jamie Kilstein and Allison Kilkenny’s CitizenRadio.

Zach has been detained in New Orleans by Exxon Mobil security, threatened with arrest over three dozen times but has never been arrested. In 2010 he met Sarah Palin while working on his soon to be released first feature length documentary ‘The Rogue Candidate: Sarah Palin’s Real Alaska.’ While in Alaska he broke several stories via TheMudflats.net. For more visit his website, Facebook, and Twitter.

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by David Seaman

SG political contributor David Seaman discusses the ongoing media bias against presidential candidate Ron Paul, and (possibly) preferential media coverage given to presumed frontrunner Mitt Romney. David also explores the possibility that the corporate media is engaged in topic censorship in a style similar to that seen with state-run Chinese media; Protest coverage (on all sides of the political spectrum), for example, has been woefully absent from mainstream news outlets over the past several months.

David Seaman is an independent journalist. He has been a lively guest on CNN Headline News, FOX News, ABC News Digital, among others, and on his humble YouTube channel, DavidSeamanOnline. Some say he was recently censored by a certain large media corporation for posting a little too much truth… For more, find him on G+ and Twitter.

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by Justin R. Beckner

Jeremy Kasten has forged a name for himself in the filmmaking business as a brilliant, ego free person whose resume includes producing, directing, and editing films and feature content. Some may remember Kasten’s work on the Suicide Girls Must Die film or The Wizard of Gore which also starred several Suicide Girls along with Crispin Glover. When he’s not directing feature films, he spends his time editing behind the scenes footage for major films including Step Brothers, Spider Man 3, and Water for Elephants to name but a few. We caught up with Kasten to discuss his most recent work, The Theatre Bizarre which opens January 27th, 2012 in select cities.
The Theatre Bizarre takes a rare and unique approach to the horror genre. The movie is comprised of six segments, each with its own director: Buddy Giovinazzo (“I Love You”), Douglas Buck (“The Accident”), David Gregory (“Sweets”), Karim Hussain (“Vision Stains”), Tom Savini (“Wet Dreams”) and Richard Stanley (“Mother of the Toads”). Jeremy Kasten was given the demanding job of tying all the segments together with a cohesive storyline of his own featuring the legendary Udo Keir.
For cities and screenings, check out The Theatre Bizarre Facebook page. If you’re a fan of horror films, you won’t want to miss this summit of brilliant directors doing what they do best.

Justin R. Beckner: May I start off by saying how much I enjoyed The Theatre Bizarre. I’ve always been a fan or horror films and I’m not quite sure why. Why do you think people are so drawn to horror films? Why do people like to be scared from time to time?

Jeremy Kasten: I think movies in general are cheap thrills. There are lots of ways people get thrills – there’s chick flicks where you get emotionally attached to the character and then you get worked up. Then there’s the shock factor which goes all the way back to silent film, The Kiss, where people were first seen kissing in a film. I think horror taps into that primordial part of our brain that responds to fear because fear is a part of us. There’s another way horror affects us in a more surreal way where a film can replicate the experience of having a nightmare. It’s like when you have a nightmare and you wake up and you’re happy to be alive, So I think horror movies can tap into our fears and affect us in that kind of way.

JB: The Theatre Bizarre is a very unique movie in that it is several short story style films within a film – each with its own director. How did all of the directors come together for this unique style of film?

JK: David Gregory and the executive producers handpicked the directors to make the film. I came on after all the films were written and a couple of the directors had already made their films but they did not have a director for the wrap around at that point. I suspect that because of the film The Wizard of Gore, which I did with SuicideGirls, they knew I could deliver a theatrical Grand-Guignol quality to the wrap around part and hold the movie together. They knew they wanted it set in a theatre, they knew they wanted some sort of lead character who would pull you through all of those short stories and give a sense of grounding to the overall story. So I got together with Zach Chassler who is my creative partner who writes a lot of my movies and he had some great ideas. I knew I wanted to do something automatons so we put our heads together and we came up with the idea that became what you see in the film after Udo [Keir] came in and added his own specific and phenomenal sensibility to it.

JB: I noticed several connections between HP Lovecraft stories and the stories in the film. Was that an intentional parallel or simply the result of each director’s influences showing through?

JK: HP Lovecraft has been a huge influence on every horror filmmaker in the twentieth century. I don’t know if it was intentional but it’s hard to look at a horror movie from the era that Lovecraft is known and not see an influence on the movie. I know that there are a couple scenes in a couple of the films that are pure Lovecraft influence – it’s not like anyone talked about it, but it’s certainly there. David Gregory took away a lot of the constraints on the directors for this film and I think that freed them up to let that Lovecraft influence shine.

JB: Did you and the other directors work in close proximity throughout the making of the film?

JK: I’m not sure anybody knew each other until this film happened. I knew David Gregory, the producer – he brought me on – but I didn’t know any of the other directors and I’m not sure that they knew each other. We’ve been to film festivals and done panels together and we all get along very well but there was not of communication among the filmmakers leading up to the movie other than reading each other’s scripts. Because I was doing the wrap around I was given all the scripts and was able to get a glimpse at a couple of the films before making the wrap around. We really all met at the first film festival the movie was at. There wasn’t a lot of communications between us until the movie was done. Since the movie has been done, we’ve formed some friendships that I think will last a long time. I was really glad to have the opportunity to work alongside some filmmakers that I admire and some of them I’ve even been influenced by their work.

JB: The Theatre Bizarre opens on Friday, January 27th, where can people go to check out this movie?

JK: It’s opening in select cities which can be found on the film’s Facebook page or at Shocktillyoudrop.com. Its opening this weekend and then they’re doing a platform release over the next couple weeks in other cities. Then eventually it will be coming out on DVD and will be available in that format as well. But if you look on the Facebook page and the film is not paying in your city, you can demand it on there and a theatre chain in your city will be more likely to book it. That’s the way it goes these days in the movie business. All the theatre has to do is pay for a person to run the projector, so if they know people will show up it makes sense for them to book the movie for a couple days. So if you’d like to see The Theatre Bizarre and it’s not in your town, I’d encourage you to be vocal about it and demand it on the Facebook page.

JB: You mentioned previously that you worked with SuicideGirls in the movie The Wizard of Gore. How was that experience?

JK: I have to say, it was really an amazing experience because when I first started that project, SG was not the brand that it has become today, it was still very much coming up. As one of the producers and editors of the Suicide Girls Must Die video, I joined that after they shot it, I was lucky enough to work with Sean and Missy on that project and get closer to SG and seeing what it had become was pretty amazing.

JB: With all the directing, producing, and editing, you’re a busy guy. What have you been working on lately aside from The Theatre Bizarre?

JK: Last fall I did the recut for the movie 11/11/11 and that came out on 11/11/11 of this past year. So it was a movie that had a really obvious promotional release date which made for an intense end of the summer for me because we basically did a total recut. But it was really cool and I learned a lot. Now I’m back doing what is essentially my day job which is where I produce and edit behind the scenes specials for movies. I’m currently working on Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter and Men in Black 3 which is going to be out this summer.

JB: Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter, that sounds pretty awesome.

JK: Yeah, it’s gonna kick ass. It’s by the guy who did Nightwatch which was the movie that really broke him out and then he did Daywatch. He’s pretty much a genius.

JB: Do you have any advice to people who may want to enter the filmmaking business?

JK: I would say if you’re going to do it, take yourself seriously – don’t half ass it. I think a lot of people dip their toes in the water and think that maybe they might want to try to make a movie. You’ve got to commit to it and really go for it and make every effort to know what you need to know for something, that makes a big difference. The people who are successful are usually the ones who immersed themselves and educated themselves about something. In order to break the rules, you have to know what the rules are; that’s a big part of filmmaking now in an age where everything is so wide open as far as independent films go.

JB: I really want to thank you for taking the time to talk to us. Do you have any final thoughts comments or plugs?

JK: I guess I’d like to say about this movie that I was most pleased about was what a pleasure it was to work with one of my heroes. I’ve always been a huge fan of Udo Keir, and it was a privilege to work with him because he’s so much fun and he’s so good at what he does. That was really special to me, it was a dream come true.

by Steven-Elliot Altman (SG Member: Steven_Altman)

Our Fiction Friday serialized novel, The Killswitch Review, is a futuristic murder mystery with killer sociopolitical commentary (and some of the best sex scenes we’ve ever read!). Written by bestselling sci-fi author Steven-Elliot Altman (with Diane DeKelb-Rittenhouse), it offers a terrifying postmodern vision in the tradition of Blade Runner and Brave New World…

By the year 2156, stem cell therapy has triumphed over aging and disease, extending the human lifespan indefinitely. But only for those who have achieved Conscientious Citizen Status. To combat overpopulation, the U.S. has sealed its borders, instituted compulsory contraception and a strict one child per couple policy for those who are permitted to breed, and made technology-assisted suicide readily available. But in a world where the old can remain vital forever, America’s youth have little hope of prosperity.

Jason Haggerty is an investigator for Black Buttons Inc, the government agency responsible for dispensing personal handheld Kevorkian devices, which afford the only legal form of suicide. An armed “Killswitch” monitors and records a citizen’s final moments — up to the point where they press a button and peacefully die. Post-press review agents — “button collectors” — are dispatched to review and judge these final recordings to rule out foul play.

When three teens stage an illegal public suicide, Haggerty suspects their deaths may have been murders. Now his race is on to uncover proof and prevent a nationwide epidemic of copycat suicides. Trouble is, for the first time in history, an entire generation might just decide they’re better off dead.

(Catch up with the previous installments of Killswitch – see links below – then continue reading after the jump…)

[..]

Dali Suicide in Holey Shirt

• INTO: Art, fashion, food, snowboarding, traveling, meeting new people, lightning, paradoxes, nonsense, sci-fi movies, well done tattoos, laughing at life’s oddities, the Cincinnati Bengals, San Jose Sharks, Oakland A’s, and the Bay Area.
• NOT INTO: Picky eaters, bad tattoos, grass, not experiencing new things, close mindedness, the Steelers.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: My two cats MaryJane and Spiderman, my white bunny YoJimbo Ninja, adoption of children or animals, going to a new place, eating bomb ass food, wearing a pair of beautiful sky high platform shoes with a sick outfit, spontaneous days.
• MAKES ME SAD: Roadkill, deforestation, oil spills.
• HOBBIES: Snowboarding, rock climbing, Bikram yoga, running, swimming, eating, sleeping.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: Love, laughter, good food, good company, and good style.
• VICES: Shoes and booze.

Get to know Dali better over at SuicideGirls.com!

by Nicole Powers

This past week would have been pure lulz online, had the denizens of the web not been fighting over something so humorless. But then there’s nothing funny about spying on your citizens, denying them free speech, and criminalizing vast swathes of them for good measure, but that’s what our government, and the corporations that are under the impression that they control it, are trying to do.

Following last week’s historic Internet Blackout Day, which saw the likes of Wikipedia, Reddit, and BoingBoing go dark, it was apparent to everyone that SOPA and PIPA needed to be put on ice – everyone that is, except the Democrats, who have been suckling at Hollywood’s teet for way to long, and appear to have got their mouths stuck there.

But with SOPA’s markup hearing and PIPA’s Senate vote both indefinitely postponed, the Feds apparently decided they didn’t need the ugly censorship sister acts to go after online targets already in their sights. It was therefore no coincidence that the day after Blackout Day, the US Department of Justice moved against file sharing site Megaupload.

Their choice of target to make an example of might have seemed strange, especially when considering that Pirate Bay is perhaps a more recognizable name to those outside of the downloading massive. However, the decision to make an exhibition of Megaupload was likely motivated by more then a little machismo (or more accurately the public loss of it) on behalf of the entertainment industry who had long been lobbying for such action, and who had been taunted, publicly humiliated, and deemed impotent by the file sharing giant. (Megaupload had posted a promotional clip on YouTube which featured numerous major label artists including P Diddy, Kanye West, and Chris Brown, and a feud involving disputed DMCA takedown missives, lawsuits, and online mudslinging had ensued.)

What was perhaps most disturbing about the US government’s action against Megaupload, was that they made the site disappear like a renditioned prisoner – without any due process. And following the arrests of the site’s founder Kim Dotcom and three other key executives in New Zealand, and two further arrests in Europe, it became very apparent that when it comes to copyright infringement the long arm of America’s law extends far beyond our nation’s borders.

Retribution, courtesy of Anonymous and #OpMegaupload, was swift, and within hours numerous websites were “tango down.” Online shop windows successfully owned included those for government agencies (justice.gov, usdoj.gov, and fbi.gov), entertainment trade/lobbying organizations (riaa.org, mpaa.org, and bmi.com), and media corporations (universalmusic.com, wmg.com, and cbs.com).

As YourAnonNews noted, the non-consensual blackout day was “the largest attack ever by Anonymous” with “5,635 people confirmed using LOIC to bring down sites!” Gawker subsequently gave some insight as to how the mass coordinated DDoS attack was achieved by way of links that launched LOICs unbeknownst to those that clicked on them – the lack of intention in theory meaning accidental DDoS’ers should have the law on their side. (In CBS’s case, a little hackery also seemed to be involved, since their site, unlike the others, at one point appeared to have been totally wiped, though we’re not sure what exactly they did to achieve this special treatment. Answers via Twitter please.)

But despite shots fired against government and corporate vessels by pro-pirate and freedom friendly ships, the battle to contain and control the web continues as other file sharing sites curtail their activities in the hopes of avoiding Megaupload’s fate. PIPA and SOPA may be dead in the water, but two even worse pieces of legislation are on the horizon.

The misleadingly named Protecting Children from Internet Pornographers Act would use kiddie porn as a premise to monitor EVERYONE’S online activity (and what politician can appear to be pro-pedophilia by voting against it?), while the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement (ACTA) contains similar Big Brother surveillance provisions and contains SOPA-like language that requires that signatory nations* monitor and censor the internet within their domain. So while we internuts may have won out against the tyranny of PIPA and SOPA, the fight to retain freedom on the world wide web has only just begun.

Turn out, tune in, and log on, it’s going to be a lulzy ride.

**Update: Thursday, January 26, 2012**

Despite protests spearheaded by the Polish, ACTA was signed by 22 European Union member states today. They join 8 nations (Australia, Canada, Japan, Republic of Korea, Morocco, New Zealand, Singapore, and the United States) who had already signed the treaty this past fall.

By Nicole Powers

In his latest book, Vultures’ Picnic, investigative reporter Greg Palast jumps ass deep into the one percent’s favorite combustible lubricant. Armed with a miniature recording device, condoms, mosquito repellant, K-Y Jelly, a 3.4-ounce flask of Felipe II, and his trademark fedora hat, Palast travels from Alaska to the Amazon, and from Louisiana to Liberia to expose the dirty business of crude oil, and those who make indecent fortunes from it.

During the course of his investigations, Palast uncovers the incestuous relationships between the petroleum corporations and the governments they control, and how human and environmental carnage, corruption, coup d’états, and cover-ups are ultimately considered a cost of doing business by these toxic bedfellows.

[Caution: You may feel violated after reading this interview — but at least you’ll know a few of the names of the motherfuckers that are screwing you.]

Read our exclusive interview with Greg Palast on SuicideGirls.com.