by A.J. Focht
Is it any wonder that there is a group of film lovers out to send M. Night Shyamalan back to film school? After going from two Oscar nomination for The Sixth Sense in 1999 to winning five Razzies (which are awarded for the worst achievements in filmmaking) this last year for The Last Airbender, it’s easy to see why film buffs are raising money to send Shyamalan back to NYU. After they have raised the funds, they plan on filming the occasion as they present Shyamalan with a check. If he refuses to take it, they will use the money to start a film scholarship at NYU in his name.
However, Shyamalan isn’t the only multiple offender to be found guilty of making mediocre movies. Hollywood is overflowing with shitty directors who keep serving up the same crap, or worse regressing artistically with each successive release. There are several big name directors who desperately need a lesson in the basics. I therefore propose that all of the following head to NYU with Shyamalan.
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
These two are known for their horrendous comedies based around parodying other films, such as: Vampires Suck, Disaster Movie, and Meet the Spartans. It seems that their only real talent is in taking parts of movies that were once good, and adapting them in a way that will slowly drain the IQ of anyone who watches. Though, I wonder if film school would do them any good, the kind of work they specialize in has a name in academia: plagiarism.
Uwe Boll
Every time there is a worthless video game based movie, Uwe Boll is behind the camera. Okay, so maybe not every time – the rest of the time we can blame Paul W. S. Anderson, who should be on this list as well. But with over eight horrid video game movies under his belt (including Blood Rayne and Far Cry), Uwe Boll is the worst offender in that field. His adaptations are well known for throwing out any of the good elements that the original game possessed. He then compounds things with a plot-less storyline and a cheap script. As such, Boll’s work manages to hurt not one, but two industries, sullying both the video gaming and film communities, making the idea of a decent union between them seem all but impossible.
Brett Ratner
Brett Ratner started his career off well enough with a handful of action-comedies in the nineties including Money Talks and Rush Hour. It’s sad to think his career peaked around Rush Hour 2. From that point on though, he has managed to exclusively produce failures – though thankfully only a handful quantity-wise. The most offensive of which has to be X-Men: The Last Stand, the tragically deformed end to the X-Men trilogy. I don’t know that film school would help him any, but I feel it’s better than asking him to hang up his camera for good.
Michael Bay
Michael Bay is best known for blowing shit up in big budget movies (Armageddon, Transformers). This wouldn’t be such a major problem if his gratuitous action sequences weren’t the only thing going for his movies. In between making his pretty explosions, he fails to actually produce a working storyline. A small budget college film is just what he needs to beat off his special effects addiction. Without explosive distraction, hopefuly, he’ll learn something about plot while in class.
James Cameron
That’s right James Cameron. If anyone needs to go back to film school, it’s him. But, he needs to go back to film school to teach, not to learn. After writing and directing both of the best selling movies of all time (Avatar and Titanic), it is time for him to step to the side and let some new directors in. I can think of no place I would rather have Cameron then at NYU. After over three decades of making films, it’s time he passed his experience on to aspiring filmmakers and walking dud-factories like a certain M. Knight Shyamalan.
Visit MNightSchool.org/ and help Mr Shyamalan (re)learn how to make a decent film. At time of writing a total of $632.98 has been raised for this far from worthy cause.
