Doing it with Tara: Funnel Cakes at Home4

by Tara Diane

I was supposed to go to this dinky little local amusement park tonight, but things didn’t exactly work out. In an effort to hinder my depression, I felt like some fatty fair food was in order. I don’t need your Ferris wheel to enjoy myself, bitches! I remember going to the boardwalk in Santa Cruz when I was in high school. We would usually go down to the caves and take an educational tour of the local vegetation, then go pig out on funnel cakes. So let’s make some fricking funnel cakes!

(we are following this recipe today, with a couple of minor alterations).

What You’ll Need

• 1 egg
• 1 cup milk
• 2 tbsp. sugar
• 1 cup flour
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• 2-3 cups of oil (any oil you choose, though I would avoid olive oil)
• Chocolate syrup and powdered sugar (optional)
• A bag, a funnel, or a bowl with an edge like in the picture below

1. In a bowl, pour and mix together all of your dry ingredients. Don’t include the optional powdered sugar, as that and the chocolate syrup are for topping it off later.

2. Add in your egg and milk and whisk the shit out of it until there aren’t any little chunks of flour.

3. Normally, I would have told you to preheat your oil while you’re doing this, but I didn’t. Do me a favor and take a fire safety break. Oil fires are no joke – that shit is crazy! I always thought you were supposed to throw a damp rag over the fire or dump flour on it, and both have demos on the Youtubes showing that it doesn’t work. After spending half an hour looking up grease fire stuff it seems like you’re pretty much effed in the ay unless you have a class B fire extinguisher or can put a cover over the fire immediately. Sorry, small tangent, but do me a favor and don’t burn your house down frying funnel cakes. Anyways!

4. Pour about two (mine was more like three) cups of oil into a frying pan that is at least two inches deep. Turn your heat to medium-high and wait around ten minutes for the oil to heat up.

5. Slowly pour your batter into the pan. You can pour the batter through a funnel, but I’ve found that to be very messy and unnecessary. You can also put the batter in a ziplock bag and cut a very small hole in one of the bottom corners to pour. I just used a bowl. /Boring. Pour a stream no wider than about a pencil and slowly swirl your batter stream (heh) around the pan, starting in the center. It’s easiest to just make a spiral, but if you want to make crazy designs and shit, nobody is stopping you. Just pour slowly to get the effect.

6. When the funnel cake starts to look like bubbling brains and you can see some golden brown around the edges, flip it over. Once you see that the other side is golden brown as well, set it on a plate with a paper towel on it to soak up some of the grease.

7. Top your amazing looking funnel cake with some powdered sugar and chocolate syrup, if you’re so inclined. You can thank my camera for the shitty (or awesome, depending why you’re reading this) autofocus.

Enjoy! Suicidegirls: making readers of blogs for internet pin-up sites get fat, one funnel cake at a time.