Drop the Mean Girls/Douchecanoe Act Or Have Your Life Punched in the Face1

by Christine Dinh

Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it. I would punch your life in the face. – Kim Pine, Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together

It’s hard to hold back your inner Julie Powers or Regina George, sometimes. Life is full of difficult people. Some you can avoid. But then there are those you can’t, like bosses, coworkers, clients, friends, family members, your girlfriend’s evil exes, etc. We all can’t tell an aircraft of passengers to go fuck themselves before making a grand exit down the emergency slide with two bottles of beer in hand or be even bold enough to tell a boss they’re the reason we’re quitting.

[Nya, Posh, and Zoli in Absinthe]

We’re at a point culturally where we want to be heard and we want an audience. While most peeps will resort to sending passive aggressive notes or embarrassing themselves with  their mean girl tendencies (hey, it’s good to know mature women are guilty of it too!), you can be better. Because you are better!

When punching their life in the face isn’t an option, here are a couple things you can do to prevent the inner mean girl or douchecanoe from surfacing:

• Calm yourself. Losing your temper isn’t classy and you will come off less respectable. The goal is to be cool and in control. And if you’re in need of a mantra, I personally like Carl Winslow’s. (If the repetition doesn’t calm you down, at least the thought of Carl Winslow can make you laugh and distract you from the offending party.)
• Don’t get wrapped up in their personality. It’s like their face; it’s not their fault, they were born with it. I have to work the hardest at this one as well, but when you remove the personality factor, you can treat the other person not as your arch nemesis but as another human being and look at the situation at hand more objectively.
• Curse like a sailor. Swearing has been proven to relieve stress. So have it, but be in the hallway or in the car. Somewhere you’re alone. Unless you want to have your life punched in the face. Let all that frustration leave your body.
• Vent it out, baby. But don’t let it turn into complaining. Again, unless you want your life punched in the face or have your friends screen your phone call.
• Stop fixating. Negative thinking just wears you down and who wants to waste all their time and energy fixated on difficult people. Besides, all of this annoyance, it won’t matter in five years, let alone ten. Things may get blown out of proportion and end up melodramatic in our heads, but you won’t even remember this blip in your life on your deathbed. Promise.
• Me, me, me time. When don’t nearly get enough time to ourselves and to tune out the world, but do it. Even five minutes away can help. A relaxing bath or massage, some catch-up time with your pile of comics or dancing in your underoonies in your room. When you’re recharged and had some great universe one-on-one time, you’re better equipped to deal with whatever comes your way.
• Kick them in the shins. Just kidding! Just keeping you guys on your toes.
• And if that doesn’t work and you’ve still got the need to punch something in the face, have at it with this clown. Unless some of you pacifists out there have any other tips.