Got Jesus? – 10 Unlikely Businesses, Products And Services That Claim To Have JC On Their Side6

by Damon Martin

Have you been looking for a new way to let Jesus into your life? Well, this list of God-related businesses, products and services might provide the answer. And before you ask, no we didn’t make any of these up.

10: Gamers 4 Jesus (free / advertiser supported)

“We have had studies on many topics, including Salvation By Grace, The Obamination of America, Why Wait (on the topic of dating), The Dangers of Halloween, The Lie of Evolution, Prophesy and many topics to encourage and strengthen your Christian walk.”

Blowing people up on Call of Duty is fun, let’s admit it. But you know what’s even more fun? Blowing people up on Call of Duty while letting everybody know you’re holding hands with Jesus the whole time! This website is for strictly for gamers who love the Son of God; to join you must agree with their statement of faith. They even hold bible study sessions. And once you’ve finished reading your scripture, you get to smite thyne enemy with God on your side!

9: Christian Life Coaching (Silver Self Coaching $29 per month / Gold Interactive Coaching $209 per month)

“This vibrant Christian life coaching ministry helps people to discover Godly answers for life’s toughest questions.”

We all have goals we want to achieve in life. Whether it’s starting a new business, a new job, meeting the right person or just coping with everyday stress. But there’s a better way – Godly way. Yep, that’s right, if you plop down some money a “qualified professional” will show you how to apply “proven truths from Scripture” so you can
discover “the unparalleled adventure that we call the Christian Life!”

8: Christian Soulmates (free / donation supported)

“The site is only as good as the people that are in it.”

If you’re looking for that special someone, and God is not leading you down the right path, let the internet do it for you! On this dating website, the front page lays it all out for you: “It’s all Christian, all single and all here!” You know it’s Christian because they use the word 19 times on the home page alone. Yes, it’s just that Christian!

7: JC’s Girls (free / donation supported)

“JC’s Girls reaches out to all women in the sex industry. We have an outreach team that goes into the local strip clubs to bring pink bibles and gifts to the dancers and let them know that God loves them.”

If you’re an exotic dancer, but you just can’t get that relationship with Jesus going, this ministry has you covered. Started by an ex-dancer, JC’s Girls provides spiritual guidance for those involved in the sex industry. Also knows as the Pussycat Preacher, Heather Veitch calls herself a ‘modern day Mary Magdalene.’ Just makes me want to start putting clothes on to avoid this one.

6: Pole Dancing for Jesus ($20 per class / free with church program*)

“We will be dancing to contemporary Christian music.”

Yes, Texas has figured out a new way for people to look at their state and shake their heads in shame. As if rewriting textbooks to include creationism wasn’t bad enough, a fitness studio in the Lone Star State is offering pole dancing classes in the name of JC. The first 11 lucky ladies that bring their church programs to the studio on the 2nd Sunday of each month get admitted for free! Nothing says “I love you God” like reading scripture while hanging upside down from a pole. (*restrictions apply)

5: Holyland Experience (Tickets $35 / Annual Jerusalem Gold Pass $120)

“…Beyond the fun and excitement, we hope that you will see God and His Word exalted and that you will be encouraged in your search for enduring truth and the ultimate meaning of life.”

Based in Orlando, Fla. this amusement park is a living, breathing Bible experience. They feature full sized replicas of buildings that are described in the Bible, as well as a live action crucifixion of Jesus! The best part about the Holyland Experience? Free parking! (Sadly their “Pastors Appreciation” promotion is all sold out.)

4: Confession: A Roman Catholic App ($1.99)

“The app received an imprimatur from Bishop Kevin C. Rhodes of the Diocese of Fort Wayne – South Bend. It is the first known imprimatur to be given for an iPhone/iPad app.”

Need to unburden yourself but don’t have time to make it to the local church? No worries the Catholic confessional app has you covered. You can confess your sins through your iPhone and, based on conscience, choose from 7 different acts of contrition. You also have the “ability to add sins not listed in standard examination of conscience.” Angry Birds? How about Confessing Catholics!

3: Windy Ridge Trapper (fees paid for pelts vary from $0.25 for a short green raccoon hide to $60 for a 36″ grade I bobcat).

“Yep, I’m the preacher who buys fur.”

Yep, he’s the preacher who buys fur. Based out of West Virginia, this born again Christian wants to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to you, just don’t keep any exotic animals around or he’s liable to skin them for their fur. He apparently believes in love thy neighbor, just not love thy animal.

2: Miracle Soap ($13.95 / 22oz)

“Miracle II’s products have emerged from Clayton Tedeton’s divine inspiration over the past 2 decades. Each product is miraculous in its own way.”

Nothing says clean like being washed in the spirit of the Lord. This family based company has developed a cleansing product stripped of all the harmful chemicals that poison us on a daily basis, replacing them with…yep, you guessed it…Jesus! The sales pitch for their Miracle Soap reads: “The only product that is made in the world that can wash a newborn baby or clean up an oil spill and everything in between.” So if your baby ever falls in an oil spill, you’re set with a bottle of Miracle Soap!

1: The Catholic Church – Nuff said.

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