How To Survive a Rock-n-Roll Tour2

by Pandie Suicide

Today’s post on the music industry is going to be a little more ‘how-to’ than last week’s piece of mine on What it Means to Be a Woman in Heavy Music Today. We are going to cover that crazy, amazing, thing: the rock n roll tour, or the metal tour, or the punk tour, or the whatever kind of tour. Going on tour is one of the most awesome things in the world, if you are lucky enough to experience this fun time, even if it’s in a gritty van. It’s the chance to live the rock n roll dream, a different town, city, venue, crowd, every night. It’s parties and late nights, good drugs and alcohol, music, fans, fame, fortune, an escape from the normal ‘9-5’. It’s an excuse to get a little wild. And that’s why we love it. That glittering, dreamy thing…

But it isn’t all private jets and five star hotel rooms every night, Almost Famous-style…well maybe sometimes it is… the truth is a lot of times, no matter how much fun you’re having, tour can be a hard slog, which is why I’ve enlisted not only my own resources and experiences from touring myself, but also the help of a few people who ought to know a thing or two about a thing or two to come up with some practical, helpful little pieces of advice:

Top tips for tour survival:

Be prepared for anything.

Expect the level of gay jokes to go skyhigh within the first day of tour. And multiply by ten each day thereafter.

Remember that having to be inside a moving vehicle for hours on end does not always mix well with last night’s jagerbombs and tequila shots.

Grab sleep when you can, you never know when you might need it.

Cops like to pull over vehicles, they especially like to pull over vehicles full of suspicious looking characters, such as musicians. Do not give them any reason to pull you over, make sure all your registration, licence and vehicle maintenance is in order because once they decide to pull you over for a broken tail light or speeding,  you can bet they’re going to want to see what kinds of fun illegal substances, weapons, and other cool stuff that you may or may not have on board, and once they have a reason to get in there and  search, you’re pretty much screwed if you do, and even if you don’t it’s a lot of hassle to go through that  you just don’t need, so it’s best to avoid that situation from happening, in the first place.

Bring lots of snacks, or be prepared to live off truck stops, convenience stores, and fast food joints, unless that is, you are lucky enough to get catering, but even then, be prepared that you might have little to no food choices that taste good or are good for your body, so bring some snacks with you! I bring larabars in enormous quantities with me everywhere. They have saved my life many a time before.

Try to eat healthy. This may seem a bit of an oxymoron, especially with what was mentioned above, but if the opportunity for some fresh salad greens or fruit presents itself to you, jump on it when you can, remember you are what you eat, literally, and if you want to look  (and feel)  like a sexy salad on a stage, as opposed to a greasy burger, there you go.

While it may be hard to fit in any kind of regular workout, especially if you’re not staying anywhere near a gym, try to at least get some walking in each day, maybe a pushup or two wouldn’t go amiss either, when half the day you’re sitting down, and your only real movement is at night when on stage or carrying equipment around etc, it’s eventually going to be hard to perform at your optimum level if you’re not feeling fit and ready to go. A good little walk to check out the city you’ve woken up in today is usually a pretty good start to maintaining your fitness level, you don’t have to get crazy, but like I said the odd push up or stretch etc (also very good for a back/neck that is aching from sleeping in a bus or van!) couldn’t hurt.

If you do value your appearance, bring face wipes, skincare products, haircare products (all travelsize of course to save space!), toothbrush and toothpaste etc, the heat, the late nights, the alcohol, airconditioning, smoky bars etc, these all play havoc on your hair and skin driving them out, so even if you’re a tough guy, you’re probably going to want to look after your skin somewhat, and dental hygiene is sexy.

Drink lots of water, lotttts and lottts of water. And by water I don’t mean Red Bull. I mean pure clean drinking water, your body is going to need it from all the shit you’re putting it through. Trust me.

Bring a book, ipod, playstation portable, mini tv/dvd player, colouring book and crayons, or something, whatever will keep you entertained, there are some lonnng drives, flights, and periods of downtime on tour, and you can only fistfight with your bandmates so much before it becomes old hat.

If you had a boyfriend or girlfriend/ wife/husband etc before you left for tour and you still want to have said boyfriend/girlfriend/wife etc when you return, be sure to initiate contact with them often, to let them know you’re thinking about them to curb those jealousy issues. On that note,  some relationships are cool with being ‘open’ and involving others in them, but if yours is not like that, and you don’t want your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/ husband to cheat on you, don’t cheat on them.  It’s a pretty simple but often overlooked rule of thumb. Karma can be a bit of a bitch sometimes.

Keep it together, remember drama is amplified by so many bodies living in such close quarters. When the urge to fist fight or lift baseball bats arises, breathe for a minute, assess the situation calmly including assessing how many alcoholic beverages and or other mind-altering substances you may or may not have consumed in the last 24 hours (are you mad because you’re drunk or hungover? Is the other person?), and then decide what course of action to take.  If someone’s got to be the better person here, then it might as well be you.

Similar to the tip above:  “Create Mutual Respect. It doesn’t matter if this is between you and the sound tech, you and the counter clerk at the convenience store or you and LaVonda the Waitress at the IHOP. Mutual Respect for our fellow human beings is essential. What if LaVonda is a rabid music fan and because you’re nice to her at the IHOP and you leave her with a copy of your cd (and a generous tip) she brings 20 of her friend to a show? Mutual respect pays big dividends. And it costs nothing.” The same goes for between band members and crew.

Tips from a few people who know whats up:

• Don’t shit on the tour bus! (DangerRuss, co-host Poor Kids Radio/Glenn Danzig’s personal security)
• Don’t be a slob – try to be clean (DangerRuss, co-host Poor Kids Radio/Glenn Danzig’s personal security)
• Bring lots of water, babywipes and duct tape (Toxsick Trip – lead singer, Blue Felix)
• Buy a great set of headphones…then you can block out the world, snoring room mates, shitty support bands, and noisy airplanes full of kids.. (Gavin Downie, guitar tech)
• Forget about showering! Just get used to the fact you’re not going to be able to shower for days, sometimes….weeks. (Travis Neal – lead singer, Divine Heresy – currently on tour with Fear Factory)
• Have the absolute time of your life! (Pandie Suicide)

Feel free to comment here on suicidegirlsblog.com with more tips!