They’re All Crooks0

By Nicole Breanne

Mitt Romney is the frontrunner for the Republican ticket, followed very closely by, depending on which polling site you look at, Rick Santorum or Ron Paul. As a political correspondent that takes politics seriously I want to fucking hang myself, as a cynical, bitter, jaded, 99-percenter I am thrilled to watch the train wreck.

Mitt Romney, his hair scares me — it never moves, but that’s neither here nor there, he’s an idiot. They all are. But he is a socially awkward speaker. I say this because of his recent slip up. Mitt was addressing the Nashua Chamber of Commerce, and said he wants individuals to be able to choose among different health insurance policies as they seek coverage. “That means the insurance company will have an incentive to keep you healthy. It also means if you don’t like what they do, you can fire them,” he said. He should have stopped there. But nope he continued, “It also means if you don’t like what they do, you can fire them. I like being able to fire people that provide services to me. If someone doesn’t give me the good service I need, I want to say that I’m going to get someone to provide that service for me. So that’s one thing I’d change.”

I get what he was trying to say, but then he stammers and stumbles and doesn’t make light of the gaffe, and he continues on like he didn’t just say he likes to fire people. JFK, Carter, Reagan, Clinton, even Obama would’ve made a joke, an “Oh, geez that’s gonna be in the papers tomorrow, what I meant was…” That’s what good speakers do, they recover. How can I trust that this guy can talk to foreign dignitaries, or war lords, or negotiate anything that has to do with my rights and safety when he gets tongue tied at the Nashua Chamber of Commerce? Not to mention all the other faux pas he’s committed — trying to make a $10,000 bet with Rick Perry in the middle of a debate, saying corporations are people, double Gitmo, the list goes on.

Santorum isn’t any better, he spouts off horribly homophobic and bigoted nonsense, and Ron Paul just spouts pure nonsense. When I sat down to write this piece I thought I’d take the time and really hash out every horrible thing these people have said. But I can’t. It would take to long and I don’t have the energy. As I write this there are currently 301 days, 7,243 hours, 434,638 minutes, 26,078,337 seconds until the 2012 Presidential Election. This has only just begun and I already have Election fatigue.

I was thinking about the politics of my youth; I remember how I used to think Republican’s were stuck up Grandpa’s and Democrats were wild scary hippies. I remember a time when Dem’s were a force to be reckoned with, not a bunch of pussies that just bent over and took it, and Republicans were well put together business men with all the money and power which they wielded like trained samurais — they were political ninjas. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know when it all fell apart but it has. This is a madhouse. There is not one candidate on the GOP trail that is fit to be a politician! These people should not be in charge of anything. I’m surprised they can feed themselves!

I look at these men and I think to myself, “this is someone who would shake my hand and stab me in the back at the same time.” That’s not something you want your president to radiate. It’s time to stop mincing words here, it’s time for me to stop trying to be a decent writer and just say what I feel about these rat bastards trying to take over my government. They’re scum. Every last one of them. They’ll be the first ones in line to rape lady liberty up the ass with no lube. They are men with no morals, no ethics. These men will break the heart of the American Dream, then step on and grind up the pieces so she can never rebuild herself. They’re crooks, they’re criminals, they’re rotten rat bastards.

How people are sitting by with their thumbs up their bums and just watching this happen — I wish I could say it’s beyond me, but it’s not. It’s the American people. It’s what we do; we sit and watch. That’s how we got to this point, we swallow the spoon-fed bullshit the media serves us, and then smile and say “please sir, may I have some more.” Well, America you will get your wish, put your boots on boys, there’s a whole lot of fucking bullshit we’re going to have to wade through for another 301days, 7,242 hours, 434,621 minutes, and 26077298 seconds.