Weird Science1

by Jules Bleach

Over the years I have built up this Ideal. A checklist of features that have inevitably turned me into a picky pretentious asshole, but with good intentions. Like Weird Science, I wish i could take Tina Fey’s chin & glasses, Zooey Deschanel’s smile, Sara Silverman’s mannerisms & Penelope Cruz’s….everything, and turn them into some kind of super girl. Those features have become less important in their practicality eg – those people that are strictly a boobs or butt man, and more about a feeling that’s invoked in my heart by the mathematics of angles, and more overly the colour palette and contrast. As it stands you could probably personify my lust into the form of #RGBYYY00021.

[Kobalt Suicide in Test Tube]

But I’m always afraid in this hypothetical daydream that turns into a nightmare; that the Frankenstienian hot girl will turn against its maker. You can’t make something love you.

Am I becoming one of those? Those girls who have grown up reading mills & boon, fantasies about pirates and wenches and with chiselled jawed heroes on the cover, who spend their nights at home getting lost in an imaginary world, becoming more and more terrified of the wild, outside world, finding comfort instead in Julio the Travelling Spaniard & His Adventures In Space?!

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Hell there’s nothing more I love than a good 30 Rock marathon, which initially began as a justification for drooling over Liz Lemon, but then coincidentally became one of my favourite shows. But I guess my point is this – sure, everyone has a type, (right?!) But all the time I’ve spent with Hot Girl goggles on, I’ve been ignoring the real world and all the variety of interesting people it offers.

I feel that by sharing even this insight; something as simple as – I like a good set of eyebrows – that I’ve revealed too much and therefore become too transparent and predictable. After all I do like to keep an air of mystery about me. On a side note, there is nothing more attractive to me than Mystery & Intrigue, and I find the sexiest thing in the world to be a question mark. But perhaps my point, my revelation is, that I don’t want someone to walk down the street, see a girl and go – that’s a Jules’ kind of girl. I still want to be able to surprise myself.

This is Jules, boldly going where no Jule’s has dated before.

Ps – A day after finishing this article, without even looking or trying, have happened to have met a most wonderful girl who is into Audrey Hepburn & fashion design. Looks like the Universe has been reading my blog.