What’s Your Porn Pact?5

by Dan Tabor

I once had a fiancé who would only allow Hentai and “approved” porn in the house; that was the pact after finding my cache stashed on our shared PC one day. On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, I also dated a girl who didn’t believe porn should exist, or be viewed in a house where a couple was living together, so essentially our house became a complete porn demilitarized zone.

But, with the proliferation of pornography in our culture and the general acceptance of it, the porn pact is fast becoming something that is better settled sooner than later in most relationships. Much like how you’re going to split the bills, this mutual understanding of porn and the rules concerning it within the relationship has simply become a fact of life.

[July Suicide in Almost Golden]

Depending on the gender of your significant other, the conversation can go either way. With guys it’s usually not a hot-topic issue, but with women there are often times comfort levels to keep in mind when dealing with porn. This is due to the depiction of women in some forms of pornography and their ability to accept the fantasy versus reality argument in dealing with these depictions at times.

Also, while some may see it as simply a means to an end and even enjoy it with their partners, some partners with lower self-esteem may view it as direct competition. Jealously is not an uncommon emotion to develop here in these instances.

So, while your first instinct may be to hide your porn folder, possibly 20 folders deep in your system directory to avoid the conversation altogether. Once that deception is discovered it then may then turn into a breach of trust situation, which is a much more serious offense altogether; and quite possibly could enter break up territory as well.

The rule of thumb in this matter is once your significant other has reached a point in the relationship where they may have unsupervised access to your house and or computer, it’s time to open that dialog and start that discussion. Consideration is paramount for your partner and just opening that conversation to the floor will lead to a much more open and healthy relationship. Because while the conversation maybe uncomfortable at first, the understanding that comes with the pact once it’s formed will make for a much happier stronger relationship in the long run.