by Jules Bleach
Over the years I have built up this Ideal. A checklist of features that have inevitably turned me into a picky pretentious asshole, but with good intentions. Like Weird Science, I wish i could take Tina Fey’s chin & glasses, Zooey Deschanel’s smile, Sara Silverman’s mannerisms & Penelope Cruz’s….everything, and turn them into some kind of super girl. Those features have become less important in their practicality eg – those people that are strictly a boobs or butt man, and more about a feeling that’s invoked in my heart by the mathematics of angles, and more overly the colour palette and contrast. As it stands you could probably personify my lust into the form of #RGBYYY00021.
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by Star Padilla
There have been some crazy stories that come from reconnecting with people from our pasts via Facebook, MySpace, PlentyofFish, etc. I understand the allure, especially when it’s someone who we were crushing on or possibly even involved intimately with in our high school and college lives. It’s definitely interesting to see how these peoples lives turned out, what road they took and where they have ended up today.
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by Edward Kelly
It’s an age-old question, which isn’t to say that it has been around for a very long time, but rather it is to say that it is more a question of our age, the era in which we live. The question, I should add, isn’t actually a question, it’s more a scenario and it goes a-little something like this:
You (yes, you, the reader, with the hair and the clothes, assuming you have both of those things) like a work of art. Could be a band, a movie, a book, whatever. You like it and therefore you tell your friends that you like it and they should listen to/watch/read this work so you can all appreciate it in a grand adventure of shared cultural experiences (not entirely unlike the plot of The Goonies
).
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One Man’s Homage to His Beloved Pair of Sneakers
by Jules Bleach
I was born into this world bright red, kicking & screaming. From the loving, caring hands of an elderly Asian lady working three different jobs just to be able to feed her children after a fifteen hour shift. I was one child she would not have to bear the burden of raising. From the moment of my creation, I was taken from my mothers hands and passed down a long line, placed in a crib of sorts & shipped off to another country. After what seemed an eternity of sharing my cabin space with numerous others that looked just like myself (yet came in a vast variety of different shades & sizes like some kind of multicultural gathering), we had arrived at our destination. I had at this stage expected we’d all be headed to the same place, yet upon our arrival some gruff ugly men in horrible bright yellow jackets split us all up. I was once again put in a dark box and carried off to some unknown destination.
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by Christine Dinh
Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it. I would punch your life in the face. – Kim Pine, Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together
It’s hard to hold back your inner Julie Powers or Regina George, sometimes. Life is full of difficult people. Some you can avoid. But then there are those you can’t, like bosses, coworkers, clients, friends, family members, your girlfriend’s evil exes, etc. We all can’t tell an aircraft of passengers to go fuck themselves before making a grand exit down the emergency slide with two bottles of beer in hand or be even bold enough to tell a boss they’re the reason we’re quitting.
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