Everyone on the bus was horribly disfigured. Warts, scars, stains, blemishes, matted hair, and various other dismembering smells. Fifth-generation t-shirts that started with sports-playing grandsons ended their tattered saga on the drooping shoulders of a youngin’s great grandmother. Hand-me-downs were hand-me-ups. It all went in reverse. The passengers sat two-by-two or stood in the aisles, grasping sweaty bars for balance. Their day to day bus was taking them into the night and the Brown Between had a tendency to jerk rather suddenly.
The bus ran from Los Angeles’s most maligned residential line (Compton’s Circle) to the #720 and back again. Higher class routes existed for higher-class passengers who lived in fancier places. It was mostly the poor that rode the Brown Between. Its primary purpose was to shuttle the cleaning staff, rat catchers, dishwashers, fast food short order chefs, sheet metal deburrers, and other employees of undesirable servitude to and from their overcrowded residential complexes on an impossibly rickety set of tracks-and the Brown Between was the only line in the city that still seemed to be on tracks. When the seats were comfortable they felt infested with unimaginable insects. And when they weren’t comfortable? The fabric looked frightfully diseased and the insects actually crept up everyone’s legs.
“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”
The Supreme Court of the United States of America will soon be taking on a precedent-making case, set to be heard in November of this year, about the reach of the First Amendment when it comes to the realm of video games. Given Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s involvement, I’m going to try to present facts and opinion, and leave out any clichéd quotes such as “Get to da choppa!” or “I’ll be back” as best I can.
In 2005 the State of California passed two statutes, California Assembly Bills 1792 & 1793, which effectively banned the sale of ultra-violent video games to minors. However, the Video Software Dealers Association successfully appealed on the grounds of freedom of expression at the district court level, and the laws were judged to be unconstitutional. The State of California subsequently appealed the decision, and Schwarzenegger vs. Entertainment Merchants Association will bring the issue to the highest court in the land for a final judgment call
“I was used to the realities of sucking at something.”
– Justin Halpern, author of Shit My Dad Says
Justin Halpern is an ordinary guy who curates an extraordinary Twitter page. In less than a year it’s garnered over 1.3 million fans who follow Justin simply to keep track of the latest and greatest shit his dad says. Justin’s talent lies in realizing the aforementioned shit was of a superior quality to that emitted from other dad’s mouths. He also has a knack for conveying the underlying heart behind his father’s seemingly harsh witticisms.
Raised on a farm in Kentucky, Justin’s dad, Sam Halpern, is a man of few words – who knows how to make every syllable count. The exact opposite of passive-aggressive, Halpern, Sr. has never been backwards about coming forwards with his often-unsolicited opinions and words of advice. Growing up, this brutal honesty was difficult to deal with, but now Justin is reaping the rewards. His @ShitMyDadSays Twitter page has spawned a hilarious yet surprisingly touching book of longer vignettes — brilliantly retold by Justin — and a TV sitcom produced by Warner Brothers for CBS starring William Shatner, which was co-written by Halpern, Jr. in association with the team behind Will & Grace.
Growing up as a forced Catholic really fucking sucked. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I’m going to make a butt-fucking joke right? Nope. I was going to make a “getting up early on a Sunday” joke. It’s really the only thing worse than forced sodomy. But what those early Sundays were great for was shit booze. A little hit of something cheap and sweet when you’re half-awake really goes well with a slice o’ Christ. To this day I still don’t mind hitting the sauce a little early on the Day of Rest. Today I choose something cheap and purple. A little something called Four Loko Uva.
According to the webshite, Four Loko Uva (a.k.a. headache in a can), is named after a Brazilian berry of the same name. I’m guessing the berry doesn’t also contain taurine, guarana, caffeine, and 12 % ABV though. Yep, this shit has all that peppy stuff blended right in, not only making the drinker asshole-loud, but not able to pass out. Great.
