by SG’s Team Agony feat. Fabrizia and Morgan

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost five months. At first everything was great. He announced us being together on Facebook and all that. But one day he suddenly set his status to single. I didn’t make a big deal out of it because I don’t even have mine up. But then he blocked me from viewing his wall, and when I asked him about it, he lied and said he turned it off for everybody. When I found out that wasn’t true and confronted him, he turned it back on but took away my posting rights so that I couldn’t make comments.

Despite the online stuff, everything else seems OK. He texts a few times throughout the day and we hangout almost every evening. But he is unemployed, so I am the one doing the driving, the food buying, the entertainment purchasing, etc. My question is: Am I being used for money, sex, and transportation? Or am I seriously being paranoid and over-reactive?

A: I think it would be wise for you to sit down and give some thought as to what exactly it is about this guy that you find attractive. Based on what you have shared, he doesn’t seem to have many redeeming qualities. For one, he is unemployed and you are questioning if you are being used. If you have to question that, I would assume that he is not showing appreciation or making you feel valued for being so accommodating. At the very least, he should be bending over backwards to make you feel cared for, special, beautiful, secure, etc. However, from what you have stated he isn’t even doing that! He’s lying to you, being elusive about his relationship status online, and placing the blame for his shitty behavior on you. The guy sounds like he isn’t worth all of the energy and thought you are placing on him. So to answer your question, no, I do not think you are over-reacting at all. This guy has proven to be dishonest and immature. Please think about what I am saying and try to assess whether or not this is truly worth your energy and your heart. I suspect that you already know that you can do better!

Best of luck to you.



Fabrizia
xoxo

Q. I recently asked a girl to go on a date with me, she said that she was a lesbian, but she would still go on the date with me because I’m a nice guy and kinda cute. We went on the date, got some good food, saw a movie, then came back to my place. She kept reiterating that “nothing is going to happen,” and that she had a girl friend (who I met just a couple days later). We got back to my place, hung out a little, and watched another movie. She got close and touchy, but nothing beyond that happened. We went out to lunch and on a couple more dates after that, with and without her girlfriend. She would get touchy with me at times while holding her girls hand. Anyway, I’m just super confused about what I should do or how I should act and what any of this means. Can you help me?

A: It sounds like your friend has made her intentions clear verbally but is confusing you by getting physically close. Keep in mind that she may just be a particularly touchy-feely person. Some people are affectionate in that way and that doesn’t necessarily mean they have any interest in getting into your pants. Despite potentially confusing physical interactions, I would advice you to listen to what your friend has been saying to you. In your own words she has been reiterating that nothing is going to happen between you two. If her words say, “we are only going to be friends” –– respect those words. Look at it this way: if you assume you have no chance and it turns out that your friend IS attracted to you, it can be a pleasant surprise. As opposed to waiting around hoping you’ll be the dude exception to her rules of attraction and being constantly disappointed.

Morgan

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

What’s Cooking In SG’s Kitchen? Ryker Suicide’s Pumpkin Lasagna

by Ryker Suicide

This is my take on a Robert Irvine recipe. I didn’t like his original too much, it did absolutely nothing for me. Tasted like a million other lasagnas I’ve had before. So I made some changes and the result is this incredible fall dish. So scrumptious!

Ingredients:

• 1 large chopped onion
• 1 large zuchinni
• 4-6 cloves of garlic
• 1 lb of Italian hot turkey sausage casings removed

(vegan eggplant sausage also works terrific!!!)

• 1 cup red wine
• 1 (28 oz) can of tomato sauce
• Fresh basil, oregano, and parsley chopped (dried also works) to taste
• 1 lb ricotta cheese
• 1 1/2 cups mozzarella, grated
• 1 cup Parmigiano/Romano blend
• 2 eggs
• 2 cups pumpkin puree
• Kosher salt and fresh ground pepper to taste
• Chinese five spice (or cinnamon, anise, clove, fennel seed, Sichuan pepper seasonings) to taste (approx. 5 teaspoons)
• 1 lb lasagna noodles

Preparation:
Sauté onion in olive oil until translucent, add garlic and continue cooking until aromatic (about 30-45 seconds). Then add meat and crumble with wooden spoon as it browns. Add zucchini, cook an additional 5 minutes and then set aside. Season with a bit of five spice (or substitute cinnamon, clove, fennel seed, Sichuan pepper, anise seed, and/or nutmeg).

In a large pot boil salted water and cook lasagna noodles.

In a medium pot combine tomato sauce and wine, bring to a boil then add salt, pepper, and herbs to taste. Set to simmer stirring occasionally.

In a large mixing bowl mix together ricotta, mozzarella, and Parmigiano/Romano cheeses. Add pumpkin puree and eggs and combine well. Season with five spice, and salt/pepper to taste.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Once noodles are cooked and drained, start to piece together lasagna as follows: 1 layer of sauce, 1 layer of pasta, then add half of the sausage mixture and half of the cheese mixture. 1 more layer of pasta, 1 more layer of sauce, and the remaining sausage and cheese filling. Top with 1 more layer of pasta and sauce. Sprinkle mozzarella, and the Parmigiano/Romano cheese blend on top.

Bake for about 25-30 minutes until cheese is melted, bubbly and beginning to brown. Allow to cool about 15 minutes before serving so lasagna can set.

Eat and enjoy!

Related Posts:

What’s Cooking In SG’s Kitchen? Mimmi Suicide’s Vegan Chili With Guacamole

What’s Cooking In SG’s Kitchen? Ryker Suicide’s Mahi-Mahi Tacos with Red Cabbage Slaw, Avocado-Tomato Salsa and Pineapple Hot Sauce

By Nicole Powers

During our previous conversation with Chuck Palahniuk, which occurred shortly before the publication of his Sunset Boulevard-inspired book, Tell All, he spoke about how the ultimate name to drop was God’s. For this interview, we reconvene to discuss the domain of the G-man’s nemesis –– Hell –– which serves as the setting for Palahniuk’s wickedly inspired new novel, Damned.

According to Damned’s canon, evolution is hokum and Charles Darwin is resigned to hellfire and damnation alongside Jimi Hendrix, Marilyn Monroe, and the entire Kennedy clan. Turns out you can end up there by committing all manner of trivial shit, such as dropping the f-bomb or honking your horn one too many times. Worshipping the wrong god will also land you in the hot spot, as will suffering the inconvenience of being a deposed one (thus the likes of Thor can also be found hanging out downstairs).

The topography of Palahniuk’s netherworld features a greasy Dandruff Desert, Great Plains of Discarded Razor Blades, a Swamp of Partial-birth Abortions, a Lake of Tepid Bile, and the Great Ocean of Wasted Sperm (where in Hell, “porn is creating an effect equivalent to that of global warming on earth”). Those that find themselves there have two main career options: pornography or telemarketing.

The narrative of Damned follows Madison Spencer, the somewhat chubby, eternally optimistic13-year old progeny of a self-obsessed Hollywood star and a billionaire businessman. As a reflection of her mother’s glamour, Madison is an abject failure, however, the upside of her troubled childhood is that after a lifetime (albeit a short one) of electrolysis and herbal high colonics, Hell holds little terror for her.

Having been resigned to Hell after inhaling marijuana, and eschewing an eternity being “ogled by millions of men with serious intimacy problems,” Madison finds gainful employment in telemarketing, an occupation that she finds unexpectedly fulfilling. Ensconced in one of Hell’s endless call centers, which has banks of phones that are programmed to auto-dial the earthbound specifically at dinnertime, Madison finds redemption. The question is, ultimately, will she want it?

Being in the business of asking people questions for a living, I felt a certain affinity with Madison. For the start of my conversation with Palahniuk, it therefore seemed only appropriate to borrow a little something from her telemarketing script…

Read our exclusive interview with Chuck Palahniuk on SuicideGirls.com.

Bob Suicide in Gears of War

• INTO: Vegan food, vinyl toys, comics, video games, gadgets, programming – if it’s nerdy I’ve got a +5 addiction to it.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Couches.
• MAKES ME SAD: Lies…and cotton balls.
• HOBBIES: Art, reading, playing video games.
• VICES: Yerba Mate Mint Tea, Saturn Cafe, video games, vinyl toys, Shepard Fairy.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Murfing the interwebs.

Get to know Bob better over at SuicideGirls.com!