Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony2
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Favorites,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by SG’s Team Agony feat. Yulia and Kraven
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q: I have something I’m in hoping an SG could help with — mainly cause it’s about an SG. Over the past year I have had my attention drawn toward a very beautiful Suicide Girl. The problem is that I’m falling for her big time and I’m really not sure how to go about getting her attention with all the other messages she has to wade through sending “love.” I’m sure you girls get all kinds of messages, and disregard most — right? Thanks for any and all help with getting connected with my longed for love.
A: Starting friendships and relationships online can be intimidating, especially if strong feelings already exist. Getting connected is certainly the first step. If the careful attention you are giving to the act of sending the first message is any indication, I have little doubt you can and will catch this Suicide Girl’s attention with a thoughtful introduction.
That said, perhaps you have already introduced yourself through group or board interaction. If not, this is an excellent way to start — especially if you are both active around the site. Messages or blog comments from members and SGs I have interacted with already (even briefly) jump out at me above those from usernames I don’t recognize.
While I can’t speak for all SGs, I can confirm that yes, we do receive a lot of messages, especially after a new set hits member review or the front page. If you are concerned about your message getting lost among others, try to write at a time when this SG doesn’t have brand new material up. Aside from the barrages we receive at set time, which can take a while to even read through, most SGs read their messages regularly and do respond to the honest, interesting ones. Personally, I am far more likely to respond to messages with content that goes beyond “What a hot ass!”
What do you have in common with this SG? Do you live in the same region, listen to the same music, or enjoy the same activities? Have any of her set themes struck a chord? These are often the best topics to begin with. Discussing shared interests is much less intimidating (and creepy!) than beginning with flattery, confessions of growing feelings, or even an introduction that reads like a personal ad. Remember that forming relationships is always a process, much like foreplay, and genuine interaction is much more fun than reading through lengthy, exhausting life stories! Plus, as you converse and get to know each other, you will get a much better sense of who she is as a person and how she may respond to deeper topics.
Bear in mind that ultimately you have to be respectful, and sensitive, if this particular girl shows no reciprocal interest in you. If you do this and are cool your reputation on the site will remain solid, and maybe, even if she’s not interested for whatever reason, she’ll introduce you to a friend who is looking to make a love connection.
Relationships start on SuicideGirls all the time. SGs have met and married members, members have gotten together, and people will travel to vacation with others they’ve never met in person before. I certainly have! But remember that connections need to develop over time. Just because you’ve seen this girl naked already doesn’t mean you can skip the getting-to-know-you phase or speak too intimately too quickly. If you prove that you are interested in her as a person and not just a body, she will respect you and recognize that you’re more than just a fan.
Bottom line, be yourself. Be honest, but let your conversations flow naturally. As time goes by you will feel when the right time to discuss your feelings arrives.
– Yulia
Q: My boyfriend and I had been together for almost a year. A little over a week ago I got offered a job doing some product promotions, which would involve a lot of travel. I talked to my boyfriend before even making a decision, even though I really want to do this job. He said he was fine with it, and thought it would be a good business opportunity for me.
I was very happy with his support, but a few days later I was talking about coming back after the job was over and having enough money to get my own place. He said he couldn’t guarantee me any chance of him moving in soon. I asked why. He explained that because of his family situation — his mom being laid off for two years and just now going back for her GED, his sister having two jobs but not paying more than $100 in rent (if that), and his little brother still in school — he felt he couldn’t just leave them and that it could take two months or ten years before he’d be able to leave.
I told him he could still help them while living away from home. He said if he put the $600 a month towards rent he pays his mom and helped me with mine, he wouldn’t financially be able to make ends meet. I explained that I understand he wants to help his family out, but he needs to realize that with him giving that much to his family that he is acting as a crutch for them. I also explained that he is making them not want to do anything else, since he’s providing most of the financial support to keep the house going. He acted like he didn’t want to hear that part and just looked away from me.
Then I told him that his family takes 90% of his time and his job the other 10%, and asked where I fit in. He couldn’t answer me. He says he doesn’t know what a personal life is. I then explained that I couldn’t wait forever for a commitment that might never come. He said he understood and knew it wasn’t fair to be keeping me on his string with no definite answers.
We decided then and there that it was best to part ways. We cried and held each other for hours. I told him that I hoped his family really appreciated him since he’d have no one else in his life outside of them. Also, we agreed to still talk, and he said he’d let me still stay on his phone contract. At least he isn’t being a complete butt about things.
Was this the right thing to do or was I being too pushy too soon? Would it be wise to keep trying for a relationship with him and help push him out of the family situation he’s stuck in? Or is it just best to find someone else?
A: I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and has a way of working itself out the way it’s supposed to be. I’m a hopeless romantic you could say. However there is also reality, and sometimes reality can suck and be really painful, even if it is working itself out the way it’s supposed to be. In every relationship sacrifices have to be made, and compromises are how things work themselves out. But if only one person is doing the compromising and sacrificing, that relationship will ultimately fail.
The first thing that needs to be dealt with is the job situation. All things aside relationship-wise, you need to take a step back and ask yourself, ‘Is this an opportunity I need and want in order to advance in life?’ If it is, then that is what you do. If you put your life on hold for something there is no guarantee of, then you may be missing out on chances you should have taken. You have to continue living your life with or without him — correct?
It sounds to me from what you are saying that he has not flat out said he won’t be there when you get back. He just does not want to make you promises he cannot keep when it comes to moving in with you. He doesn’t want to disappoint anyone in his life, and it sounds like he’s trying to please too many people. He seems to care the world for his family, and while the situation is frustrating for you, you are not the person that should be showing him that they are relying on him too much and will continue to do so until he cuts them off. That is something he needs to figure out in his own time. Also, with the economy being the way it is, things are hard right now for a lot of people who are forced to be unusually reliant on others.
As hard as it is to deal with his family all the time, they are always going to be a part of any relationship you have with him, if trying to work things out is the choice that you and your boyfriend make. However, that being said, you cannot put your life on hold for someone who is not willing to make similar commitments and sacrifices for you. I am not saying things are not worth fighting for, that is for you to decide. But if you are the only one giving, you will not be happy in the long run.
You also asked whether you were being too pushy, and if you should stick it out with him. Asking for something you want is not being too pushy. It’s not rude of you to expect the person you love to love you back. And it doesn’t make you a bad person to want answers with regards to what the future might hold. We all want answers. The unknown is scary and unfortunately that is why there are risks in everything we do.
You have been with this person for a year and I can imagine they mean a lot to you. However, you never mentioned if you two have spent time apart before, as you would if you took this job. Maybe a little absence will make his heart grow fonder, and it will be the wake up call he needs. Maybe that will be the right risk to get the reward you are wanting. Right now, all he has ever known is how to provide and work. If love and a relationship is what he wants in the long run, then he will figure it out on his own and understand that he has to make changes in order to have you in his life.
This is not really a matter of if you should move on and find someone else. It’s really about whether taking the job opportunity is the right thing for you right now. If it is, take it and know things will work themselves out when you get back. You may want to work things out, and time and distance could help with that. Or you may decide that you are better off without him, and the job could provide a natural and helpful break. Every situation is different and there are no yes or no answers, it’s just about what is best for you.
If it is meant to be, it will work itself out, and only you can know if the relationship is worth fighting for still. I always say you can never have enough fight when it is for something you truly love. I do not give up on the things I want out of life and neither should you. But there is a time when you will realize what is and what isn’t right for you, and no matter how hard it hurts, sometimes you do have to move on.
I have been in situations like this, and it sounds to me like he is letting you go because he thinks you deserve more then he has to offer. If what he can give is enough, and it will make you happy, then you need to let him know this before you go. From what you wrote, it sounds like you were the one who felt it was best to let go. However, if you are wanting him to chase after you, that stuff only happens in the movies. He is giving you his best and being honest about what he can offer. It’s up to you to decide if that is enough.
I sincerely wish you the best in luck both with this relationship and job opportunity. Have faith in knowing, even if you hurt right now, that things will work themselves out how they’re meant to be. Have faith in yourself and know you are not alone.
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
