Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Boys of Summer31
Posted In Blog,Booze,Food & Drink,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by Laurelin
Now that summer is in full swing, I can’t help but shake my head thinking of how quickly things change, how we shape our lives and how easy it really is to choose our own paths. I like the idea of fate and destiny — the little girl in me still believes in fairy tales and hopeless romance, but in truth, I like the idea that it’s not in the hands of something greater. We are that something greater.
Last summer I was someone else. I was working at a different bar, sadly spending my days working a job I hated, gazing out the windows at everyone walking by with beach gear and wishing I was one of those laughing girls in sundresses. I would go home faithfully every night, crawl in bed and wait for my boyfriend to come home. I ordered dinner for two, drank dirty martinis and let him pay for dinner because his bar was always busy and mine wasn’t. We went to parties, stayed up late laughing and drinking, we slept in every morning we could, and I swear, there were some days where I didn’t care to even get out of bed; I could spend forever like that, hiding from daylight and waiting for our night to fall again.
He was my life, and after we broke up this past September, I dreaded the coming summer because it had always been ours, and now I would be alone. I didn’t think I could face it without him. As time went on and I started healing that feeling got a little easier. Soon it wasn’t sadness that I wouldn’t be with him, but almost…fear of spending the summer flying solo. I had spent the past year learning to be on my own and all of a sudden it occurred to me that I had truly learned to love it. I flirted, went after what I wanted with no fear of rejection, I dated, and I dated people that weren’t right for me ON PURPOSE. Soon I was so excited for my “Boys of Summer.” The warm weather was here, the sun shone just for me, and where as last summer was ours, it never occurred to me that this summer, for the first time in a long time was mine.
We’re almost two months into summer now, and I write this article with a golden tan, a smile, and an aching body from way too many late nights. I write with the knowledge that sharing the details of my Boys of Summer (and Winter) in Life Beyond the Bar Scene: How To Lose A Girl in Ten Minutes made some of you laugh your ass off and made most of you cringe. I had my heart bruised a bit by one of those guys, but for the most part I took each one of them with a grain of salt and when something didn’t work out I was over it with one toss of my hair and a shot of Jameson. I am still a sucker for a challenge, and once the cat had caught the mouse, if I didn’t have those butterflies I let it go. I might have made dating a game, but even if I wasn’t really looking for a relationship I still kind of wanted that…Something.
I loved reading all the mail from readers of Life Beyond the Bar Scene telling me that I should stop whining about meeting guys in bars, stop whining about my dating problems when clearly it’s my own fault because I keep fishing in the same polluted pool. (“Dirty Water” by The Standells should clear that up: Love that dirty water, oh, Boston you’re my home…). It’s a matter of faith, I guess. Faith that I know myself; faith that while I might have fun with these guys, I would know when one was and wasn’t right for me. I didn’t care that maybe this guy was an asshole, because it’s not like we were going to get serious anyways. Hell, I wasn’t even sleeping with any of them. I just needed something…different, and my Boys of Summer were just that. Butterflies came and went, and moths flew into the flame and exploded into dust, leaving me with my single serving dinners and shots of Jameson taken with friends. I am pretty good on my own…
I never thought that maybe one of my Boys of Summer would actually turn out to be anything more than just something to write about. We might actually have a last man standing situation here, and it’s making me feel a little….Fluttery. I always mentally make a note of one thing when I first start seeing someone. How excited am I to see this person walk into a room? How many times do I turn around out of my seat to see if they’re on the way in, and how many times am I disappointed if they never come?
I remember a few years ago chatting with someone at a bar and having them ask, “Are you expecting someone? You keep looking at the door.”
“Yes,” I said. “But he’s not here…” It became something I always noticed about myself. Always surrounded by boys, but always looking around for the one who wasn’t there. The amount of time I spend waiting for you to walk in directly corresponds to the times that you actually do walk in vs. the time I spend disappointed that you don’t show. It’s dating mathematics.
Broken beer bottles fall around me like rain, and everywhere I look, he’s somehow still there. I’m starting to look for that same hand to hold, and again, it’s always there. He walks through the door when he says he will, and not once have I ever been disappointed. I catch him looking at me every now and again, and I can’t help but turn red. I’m a disaster, a sucker for a challenge, but this hopeless romantic side of me seems to be crawling to the surface lately. Sometimes I embrace it, other times it makes me want to throw up and hide. I was used to this single life, finally, and I’m not sure I’m ready to give it up.
He must have been up for the challenge. I hope I’m worth it.
Related Posts:
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Play On Playa’
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: How to Lose a Girl in Ten Minutes
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Naked Laurelin Reading
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Healthy Relationships are for Boring People and Other Mishaps
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Letting Go
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Does it Exist?
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: The Dating Game
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: After a Few Beers Everyone Looks Good and Other Love Stories
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Getting Naked With Laurelin
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Seven Days and Seven Nights of Sobriety
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: When it’s Time to Move On
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Starting Over and Other Stupid Resolutions
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: He Broke Up with Me on a Post-it and Other Travesties
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: The End of Four Loko As We Know It
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Boston’s Top 5 Dives
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