Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony0
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by SG’s Team Agony feat. Perdita
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q. I’m a 24 year old male, dating a woman who I am crazy in love with. We had dated before many years ago and I bailed on her. I had this habit of running away when I started to feel for people. Shocker, I’m sure, for the male community. Anyway, I kind of popped back into her life and we are dating again. None of the feelings seemed to go anywhere, and we fell back into a good rhythm.
Since we have been back together though, I am finding it difficult to have sex with her. I don’t want to say that I was a slut or anything (though it may very well be true), but I have been young before, and have not met many women, even much older women, that I consider my sexual equal. I mean that in terms of new experiences and things tried. With her, I am actually intimidated. She hasn’t been with that many men, but she has this aura of maturity and a complete willingness to try anything with me. She wants to be highly sexually active, and I am still handling some things my last big ex managed to convince me of when we split.
This is technically two questions, so I will try to split it the best I can. How can I work around my intimidation issues with my current girlfriend? And how do I feel like sex isn’t a weapon that women are waiting to use against me? When things were going very well with me and my ex, she still wielded it against me, and I got so used to it that now that I am in a HEALTHY relationship it almost feels wrong that it isn’t. This is kind of a lot to digest. I just wanted to give you as much data as possible.
Thanks!
A: Well I can tell you right now: SEX ISN’T A WEAPON THAT WOMEN ARE WAITING TO USE AGAINST YOU. Seriously, sex is one of the more fun experiences in life, and you are depriving yourself and your lady of it. Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand your hang-ups; when trust is compromised, it’s difficult to teach yourself to trust again.
One thing you definitely need to do is keep reminding yourself that your girlfriend is nothing like your ex and that she is totally fantastic. Not that you really need to be reminded of her greatness but it can’t hurt, so I say go for it. But keep reminding yourself that it’s a different situation, but it’s also a good situation and you are much happier this time around.
I also recommend having some heart-to-heart discussions about this with your girlfriend. She might be misunderstanding your distant attitude and taking it as a lack of interest, but you need to open up to her, explain what’s going on and let her know you still care. She may be just as concerned and want to help you get through this, but nothing will happen if you don’t talk about it.
It’s totally cool if you don’t want to jump headfirst into the sexy times pool, taking it slow has some great advantages: it helps build trust and intimacy, and it creates a little sexual tension too. All of those things are key to developing a great relationship; so let the cuddles/makeouts/whatever you’re comfortable with begin!
So let’s review: have some serious discussion time with your girlfriend about what you’re dealing with, take it slow physically, and ultimately don’t stress out over it. Sex is supposed to be fun, enjoy it!
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
