By SG’s Team Agony
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q. My concern is pretty simple. There is a girl that works by the Starbucks close to where I work. In the last 3 months or so we’ve started to have random small talk and a few more personal questions here and there. Since I’ve known her I’ve also started to get to know the rest of the staff, and now every now and then they throw some freebies my way. This girl seems to be really nice, attentive and good looking. My question is, should I venture out and ask her out and possibly compromise my afternoon hangout and my kick-backs? Also, what would be the best way to ask her out? – From someone who likes coffee a lot!
A. Dear someone who likes coffee a lot, if you like the girl and you both get on, then I think that asking her out is a possibility you should explore. It’s the asking that’s the hard part to master and balance however. Obviously you know her a lot better than I do, so your discretion will be needed on top of my tips. Think about her character and use that to help you decide on the best way to approach her.
I think subtly and tact should be used here. Talk about her interests and what she enjoys doing. If she mentions a film she likes, or an art exhibition or restaurant she wants to go to, or anything like that, you could suggest doing that together. It not only shows that you have something in common, but it’s also not as confrontational and scary as asking someone on a date. That way you can both spend more time together and get to know each other, which will help you figure out if there’s romantic possibilities there.
If worst comes to worse, and she wants to keep your relationship on a passing acquaintance level, then at least you haven’t lost her or your cool hang out place, and you aren’t going to be left wondering about what could’ve been.
I wish you luck with your quest and I hope whatever happens it goes well. Let me know the outcome and I hope my advice is useful.
Best,
Sharyn
Q. I can’t get my man to try anything new in bed unless I make it happen. I just can’t seem to make him make the first move – as in if I don’t make the first move we’d never do it. It’s very frustrating because, yes, he likes to be thrown around – but so do I. I’ve tried everything I can think of, teasing, stripping, etc. So any advice would be wonderful!
A. Well hun, my advice would be to talk to him if you haven’t yet. Being open and honest is a great way to feel closer and it helps you to feel heard. If you don’t tell him he can’t be expected to guess – right?
If you have spoken to him and are getting no response try this: Each write down 10 new or favorite things you would like to do on small pieces of paper, and place them in a jar. Then pick one idea out of the jar and try it. You can either use the ideas for a pre- designated evening you’ve planned on getting some sexy time in on, or you can each pick one “task” on Friday night for the weekend, and then fulfill it in a more spontaneous way, so that you never know exactly when it is coming (the deed must be done by midnight Sunday!).
A fun suggestion for the jar is: “Where you catch me you get me.” Essentially it’s a game of catch, but with a difference. Where he catches you, is where he can have you: hallway, bathroom, backyard or kitchen – while you’re making supper from behind. Hopefully this will spur more participation from him, and he will take some initiative on his own to make the first move in future. When he does, be sure to let him know how much it turns you on!
Q. I’m a pretty insecure person, and I have issues making/keeping friends. Recently my best friend of two years and I parted ways because she kept putting new things in her life in the way of our friendship and I couldn’t take it anymore. As much as I’m trying to move on, it hurts because she was seriously one of the closest friends I’ve ever had and I had to get rid of her. My question is more related to how I can gain confidence to make new friends and to become the kind of person that people want to be around. I don’t completely hate myself, but there are plenty of things I’d like to fix so that I can become a better friend to the ones I still have, as well as being more able to make people want to be friends with me (and to find boys/girls that don’t just want in my pants!).
A. I am so sorry to hear about your friendships suffering. Feeling a close friend drifting away from you can be very hard to deal with. Can I ask if you actually sat down and discussed with your friend how you felt? It may be an honest case of miscommunication. They may be pretty oblivious to how bad you’re feeling about the situation – they may even be feeling the same way.
But OK, your main question was about improving your confidence. In my opinion, confidence comes with experience. Have you thought about taking classes in something or joining some kind of group. It may sound a bit dull but it doesn’t have to be. Try photography, kickboxing, animal care, or – if you really want to push yourself – pole or burlesque dancing. Bruises and giggles are guaranteed! And, if you’re a SuicideGirls member, have your considered going along to one of your local meets? Your first one might be a little daunting, but SG is a great community and I am sure you’ll be welcomed with open arms.
If these things all seem far out of your reach, and your confidence and negative thoughts are affecting you every day, maybe you could consider talking to a professional. I know a lot of people might run screaming from this option, but hey, what’s wrong with getting advice and help? If it was physical, you’d go to your GP; if it was your dog, you’d take them to the vet. Same difference. Just try to make a conscious effort to put yourself first!
Squee
Xxx
Got Problems? Awesome! Let SuicideGirls crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
