Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony2

By SG’s Team Agony

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. So a couple who are both friends of mine have approached me and asked me if I’d participate in a threesome with them, partly because I’m the token bi friend and partly because the guy kind of has a thing for me. The girl, being the one I’m closer to, was the one who asked. I accepted, because it could be fun, because better me than someone who’ll hog the guy in front of his girlfriend and otherwise not give a shit about them, and because I’m kind of curious how I’ll act in it.

Please help. We’ve scheduled it for the end of the month, when she’s home from University, but the guy and I have no idea if we should go through with this.

A. The thing about this situation that worries me slightly is that it sounds like you are pretty close to these people. I have often found that bringing sex into a close friendship can make things complicated. There are a lot of emotions running wild when you have sex and you don’t know where they might lead afterwards. You said that the boyfriend has a thing for you, this could make your relationship complicated once you have sex since you don’t know if those feelings will become stronger. I know you are worried about what will happen to their relationship if you cancel, but I think that’s more of a problem that they have to sort out on their own, and bringing another person into the equation might put even more strain on their relationship than not doing it as planned.

But you also have to think about you. How much do you want this? If you are doing it just to help them spice up their sex lives and think something could go wrong if they did it with someone else, then I’d say don’t do it. You want to come out of an experience like that feeling happy and confident about yourself, not like you have been used. Don’t get me wrong, threesomes can be great fun, but you have to be 100% confident that you want to do it and that you are doing it for the right reasons.

If you still feel like you really want to do it than it could be a good idea to talk to your friend directly. You are only hearing what her boyfriend thinks and it is important to get both sides. Tell her about your concerns and if she is totally fine with everything then the next step is for her to talk to her boyfriend. Tell them that they need to discuss this properly and really think about what they are getting in too and what this means for their relationship. If, after all that, everything is OK, then go for it and have fun.

I hope everything works out for the best,
Casca
XX

Q. There’s this girl I met. She’s highly intelligent and beautiful, and I love hanging with her. From talking to her, she seems to like me a lot. She even thinks I’m funny, which is rare, because most girls don’t see past my gut and chubby face, and those that do find me “weird” as one worded it. I’m ok with myself. I honestly think if a girl doesn’t like me it’s her loss.

However, up to now, I’ve never had a girl even like me, but I recently met someone whom I really like. Though she hasn’t reciprocated, honestly I’d wait for this girl. I’ve turned down a hookup with a very desperate female friend because of these feelings. Here’s my problem: The girl I like, likes women and I’m a man. I’m happy being her friend but it pains me to know I’ve met somebody who is everything I want in a women – independent, smart, beautiful, enjoys my company, and I hers – but that may not like men. I guess I have to hope she has a straight twin somewhere. So I guess the question is, where do I find straight versions of her around 25 in a very shallow college campus? I really just want to know if she exists in a straight form and likes chubby men?

A. This is an age old predicament. It seems like you’ve got two options, 1) sit on your feelings hoping she’s going to make a move, or 2) lay it on the table and see how things fall.

I guess the first thing to address is the whole sexuality situation. You say she likes women, but is she 100% lesbian or bisexual? Is she the kind of person who generally prefers women but will make an exception if someone were to come along that she had a strong connection with, making gender a non-issue? There is SO much gray area between the gay and straight categories.

I am an “honesty is the best policy” type of person. Sitting on feelings sucks. You will always be wondering what coulda/woulda happened had you been more forthright. The only reason I would recommend you not saying anything, is if it would ruin your friendship if you were honest about your feelings.

If you go with the “spill your guts” option, what is the worst that could happen? She’ll say she’s flattered, but doesn’t like guys like that and you can continue being friends? If that’s the case, you’ll keep your friend and know the answer to your question. On the flipside, it’s possible she may have feelings for you but is equally hesitant to share them. With this scenario, if you bring up how you are feeling, the topic has been broached and she could feel more comfortable divulging her feelings. You two may ride away into the sunset together, happily ever after. The end. (Or perhaps not?)

Bottom line: Seize the motherfucking day, tell her how you feel.

Smythe
xoxox

Q. Hi! First of all, I ADORE suicide girls, and I hope I qualify as one – but that’s a matter for another debate. I would like to ask you about this guy I met a few days ago at a freshmen’s party. He’s the best friend of my classmate, and somehow we hooked up. At 4 AM I ended up in his apartment, and in his bed. There was no sex, though, because I didn’t want to, and because I’ve actually never had any. (FYI, I am 18.) I stayed with him until 10 AM. We both tried to fall asleep, but I couldn’t, and he obviously couldn’t either.

I really want to get to know him better. I know it’s awkward because we spent the night together after barely knowing each other’s name – not having sex – but I still want it.

A. Hey! Thank you. We adore you too. Good luck on becoming part of the SG sisterhood.

I think the big problem here is that you barely know this guy. You said you think he only wanted to get in your pants. If that’s the case, and you really think that, then why would you want to date this guy? You sound a little confused. However, you guys were up all night, so there must have been some chemistry there, whether it be just as friends or otherwise.

Spending a night with someone without having sex, to me, doesn’t necessarily mean anything and can make things super awkward. Try not let that happen in future until you know where you stand.

Since he didn’t actually just try and get into your pants, I would take the time to get to know him better. You can’t be sure one way or another about him until you get to know him better as a person. Don’t go into this thinking of him as a potential boyfriend, go into this with the aim of getting to know him as a person. I am sure there is a lot to get to know under his cold exterior (I mean, he basically said this himself, right?)

Relax, get to know the guy and have fun! =)

Leandra

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com