Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony1
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
By SG’s Team Agony
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q. There is a girl that I have been trying to date for more than a couple months now. She loves video games, swears and drinks just as much as I do, and has an overall awesome personality. She has told my friends on multiple occasions that she likes me, and wants me to go for it. Here is my dilemma: one of our mutual friends, that she has known way longer than me, I’m pretty sure is deeply in love with her. This is why my decision has taken so long, and now it seems like I have lost my opportunity. I always put my friends before myself, and it always seems to hurt me in the end. I have waited so long, and now it seems like my chance is blown. Though her and I are still friends, it doesn’t seem like she still has the same feelings she once did. Do these feelings really just go away? Should I forget the whole thing, or should I just grow some balls and confront her?
A. This one is pretty tough. If you could find out for certain if she still has feelings, and you’re willing accept that you may lose a potential friend, I would say go for it. If I were in your situation, I would really think about how I would feel in the case of all possible outcomes, and think about what you’re willing to deal with in regards to the consequences of each (losing a friend vs. said girl ending up as your wife someday).
The first thing I would do is talk to the girl’s friends too see if she has said anything lately about you. Then, I would talk to the mutual friend about your feelings for her. After that, if you feel you’re ready, go for it. Balls are always nice to have (LOL).
I hope it all works out for you.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over three months, but we’ve known and been friends with each other for over three years. When I fell for him, I fell hard. And fell for the first time. I can honestly say I’ve never felt this strongly for anyone before. Anyway, that’s obviously not my problem :p
My problem is with the sex. As much as I hate to say that, it is. Nearly every time we do the deed, all that happens is his penis goes in, he finishes up, and we’re done. Period. I’ve spoken to him about this a couple of times, but feel that maybe I shouldn’t have.
The last time I brought it up to him, almost two weeks ago, he told me he doesn’t play with me at all – before, after or during – because I told him that he didn’t and that it bothered him. Oh, and because it’s hard to get a girl off.
What he says makes sense to an extent. Obviously he was frustrated when I told him that he didn’t play with me and may have thought that I was belittling his sexual capabilities as a man, and yea it is hard to get girls off – but when you don’t try at all, you don’t stand a chance. And every time I don’t get off.
This adds so much tension, and makes me think that he doesn’t want to touch me other than to get his dick wet. Plus he comments on other girls, which usually I wouldn’t have a problem with (I’m bi and comment on the girls right along with him), but it’s really has been bothering me. Lately, I’ve been picturing him with them, imagining him having a better sexual experience with them than me.
I can feel this driving a wedge between our otherwise wonderful relationship. That’s the last thing I want – actually the last thing I want is to get stupid drunk one night when he’s not there, and do something I know I’ll regret. I really love him and don’t want to lose him, but I don’t know how to say anything to him about it. Every time I try to, it just makes everything worse. Please help. I don’t want this beautiful relationship to end.
A. The two of you have known each other for three years and dating for three months, so having a conversation about your sex life shouldn’t be like pulling teeth. There are plenty of women who don’t have the easiest time climaxing (especially from sex), and both they and their partners still enjoy the experience. It should never just be about getting off, but for the two of you that seems to be exactly what it is.
Despite your beau’s attempt to re-direct the blame, this isn’t your fault. Addressing this particular issue can go one of two ways: show or tell. You can try to have another conversation with him, but since that hasn’t gone down particularly well in the past, I’d suggest the alternate – and far more enjoyable method to communicate your likes and needs – demonstration.
If you are into porn (and not everyone is), watch something together that you really like and point out when something looks like fun that you want to try. Or you can take control during sex and give him directions, which sounds dry, but trust me when I say it can be fun and educational.
If, after all of this, there is still resistance and discord, heartbreaking though it may be, you may have to reconsider the relationship. Break-ups are shitty, but it sucks just as much to be in a relationship that isn’t making you happy.
Good luck!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for just under a year (my longest relationship yet) and I am madly in love with her. Problem is I’m not so sure she feels that way about me anymore. I’ve recently found out that she has shared a bed with one of her guy friends, who has no respect for me at all.
I told her that this was a problem, and that I was extremely hurt that she did this, and she shrugged it off without an apology. What should I do? I don’t want to leave her because of my strong feelings. But I don’t want to be hurt like this anymore.
A. First things first, there needs to be trust in any relationship. If your girlfriend says it’s just one of her guy friends and it’s not a problem you should trust her. It’s understandable you would be unsure about the guy as he shows no respect for you, but at the end of the day nothing is going to go on without your girlfriend wanting it to. When it comes to your girlfriend shrugging it off like it’s not a big deal, it could just be that she really doesn’t see it as one so doesn’t understand why it would upset you, but if this is the chase and you’ve explained why it upset you she should respect you and understand why you may be hurt by her actions. My advice is to explain to her the reasons you’re so hurt, if she’s caring and willing to compromise she will acknowledge she’s done wrong in your eyes and be more considerate in the future. Even if she doesn’t agree relationships are often about thinking of the other person. And if she’s not willing you maybe you should ask yourself if it’s not a big deal why can’t she just accept it is to you.
Q. During college I ran in to a girl from high school I always had a crush on. We were both single and I finally had the nerve to ask her out. We started dating, and always had a really great relationship in my opinion. I became close with her family, and she did with mine. We could always count on each other, and always knew how to make the other person smile etc.
A big step for me in our relationship was sex, due to the fact that she was saving herself for marriage. We both see the relationship ending up in marriage so we gave in and started a sexual relationship as well which was FANTASTIC. After graduation this year we moved in to our first place together, and started working on our future.
Four months in we started having some problems because I was unhappy with my job and brought that negative vibe home with me and it started affecting our relationship. She talked about leaving a few times because she wasn’t happy. I told her to give it time and effort, and things would be wonderful like they had always been. I also promised I’d try to leave my work problems at work.
A week went by and we were becoming really close and affectionate again, and then she hits me again by saying she’s not happy. She told me that if she stayed it would only make us both unhappy, and she left before I even got home from work. That weekend I saw her for 15 minutes, and she didn’t want to talk about any of it. She just wanted out so I took my name off the lease and moved back home.
After moving out I would try to talk to her, but she always say she needed time and space and I didn’t want to talk about it. All I wanted to do was talk about it and try to make it work. That went on for a few weeks, but she got tired of me trying to talk to her everyday, like I had gotten accustomed to, and blocked my phone number, blocked my email, and blocked me on Facebook. That was a little over a month ago, and I haven’t heard a word from her since. I’m losing my mind trying to figure out why this happened, and if she will ever come back. Any help would be greatly appreciated from the bottom of my heart.
A. It’s time to let go, my friend. She’s not coming back. Barring a disastrous event of some kind, people don’t generally just up and leave amazing relationships. She clearly gave this some thought, and frankly, it sounds like you had fair warning. Since you discussed her unhappiness on several occasions, she might feel she has already given you an explanation as to why she’s now gone.
When she asked you to give her some room to breathe, you felt that her need for space was not as important as your need for her companionship. While wanting to understand her motivation is certainly reasonable, bombarding her with questions she doesn’t want to – or isn’t ready to – answer may have just served to confirm her decision to shut you out was the right one. No matter how much you loved her, or how great you thought the relationship was, you can’t convince her to love you. Matters of the heart are complex; relationship issues can often be resolved through conversation and communication, but the very depths of someone’s feelings cannot be. If she realized you weren’t The One, no amount of discussion will change her mind.
Try to reflect objectively. Don’t agonize, but put a little thought into what role you played in all of this. It could help you better understand yourself as a partner, and lead you to have healthier relationships in the future. If your negative experiences at work could so greatly impact your behavior that it could have driven someone away, maybe you need to find some better ways of coping with your frustrations (and perhaps a job that makes you happier).
I know you’re hurting, but dwelling on the past won’t do you any good. Get out there and do some things to make yourself happy. You’re a recent graduate, life is in transition, and this is a great time to focus on your own future. When the time is right, and you’re in a good place, a woman who wants to be with you will come into your life.
To a brighter tomorrow,
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
