Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater: The End Of A Relationship And A New Beginning1

by Bradley Suicide

Well ladies and gents, the seasons are changing. The weather is getting warmer and the pools are opening here in Sin City, Las Vegas. Folks are shedding their clothes and in many cases, their relationships.

Very regrettably, I currently find myself in the latter of these situations. As the seasons of the calendar year change so do the seasons of my life I suppose.

This begs the question, what is a girl to do when the life that she was ready to settle down into is ripped away one day? No warning, no idea it was coming. If you’re me, you pour yourself a giant glass of wine –– or just drink straight from the bottle –– and do your best to try and handle the present situation, regardless of how shitty it may be, with some semblance of grace.

I find myself trying to be a big girl and move forward. This has not proven to be an easy task. I find myself wondering where he is, who he’s with –– is he already moving on?

We’ve been broken up for all of a freaking week and it seems like he might be jumping into something, namely another girl’s vagina, already. This very well could just be my brain and emotions messing with me, but I am a firm believer in the fact that 99.9% of the time your gut is correct. The only thing that is for sure is that this really blows.

Over the past few days I have had to face some harsh realities and lessons that did not come easy for me. I have outlined some basic breakup dos and don’ts for you that I have found helpful as well as shared some of my personal experiences:

1. Stop twitter stalking.

As a #twitterfreak, this is not the easiest thing for me to do. As previously stated, I am constantly finding myself wondering about him and what he is doing. During these moments of intense emotion, I have to exercise every single bit of self-control that I can possibly muster to stay off Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc.

When it comes down to it, you can continue to torture yourself further and send yourself into a horrible tailspin that inevitably will end with you in a pile on the bed sobbing uncontrollably, or you can pick up a good book and try your very best to get lost in it.

[Side note: For situations like this I recommend Drinking and Tweeting by Brandi Glanville. Not only will you laugh hysterically, but you won’t feel so bad about your breakup anymore. That chick has been through hell and back with her divorce].

By stalking your ex on social media, the bottom line is that you are adding fuel to the fire, when you really just need to extinguish it. I am very aware that it sucks, but the longer you keep tabs on him, the longer your heartache will last.

Why allow someone who has told you that they don’t want to be with you to have that much control over your emotions? They gave up that right when they made the decision to leave.

2. Keep your social media posts classy.

This is short and sweet. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have wanted to hop on my Twitter and either talk about how much pain I am in or kick, scream, and call him every name in the book in an attempt to vent and get some sort of release. Please, just say no. Fight the urge and be the bigger person. Again, it goes back to not letting someone who walked out on you be in control of your emotions anymore.

And ladies, I beg you, please don’t post pictures on your IG showing you with a pint of ice cream and a pile of tissues. You are better than that. I am the first person to admit that breakups are emotionally, mentally, and even physically horrible, but posts like that just let him win. It’s your job to have a stiff upper lip and handle this like the lady that you are.

3. Be fabulous

One thing that I have strived to do through this ordeal, that has honestly made me feel a crap ton better, is putting myself together at the beginning of the day. Before I exit my front door, I have on a killer outfit, my makeup is fresh, and my hair is done. Days when you go the extra mile to make yourself feel extra foxy are always the days that you feel like you can take on the world. The way that I see it is that after a really hard breakup you need that extra boost more than ever. Try it! I promise you, it really does help.

Pro tip: My best friend told me a couple of days ago “Never cry over a dude once your makeup is on for the day. You spend way too much money on your cosmetics to cry it all off over some asshole.” She is one of the wisest women I know.

4. Hang with your besties.

My mom and my best friends are the people that I have to thank for helping me get through this shitty experience. Without them there to lean on, I really don’t know if I would have had it in me to get out of bed some mornings. Melodramatic, but true.

Lean on your closest circle for support, they will be there to catch you as your emotions fall and hold your hand to comfort you. From just lending an ear, to telling you what you need to hear (he’s a giant douche bag!), to getting you out of the house, your friends will give you the love and support you need, and will help you keep your sanity when you feel like you have lost all hope.

5. Go out.

I’m not saying to go out and drink yourself into a coma, as pleasant as that might sound at the moment. What I’m saying is get out and do things. Go out and have a cocktail, meet up with friends and coworkers, try new restaurants, catch a movie, hike, go do yoga. Basically, get out and start living YOUR life. It’s a chance for a fresh beginning. Make it a good one.

6. Allow yourself to have a crush or two.

When my relationship came to an abrupt end my confidence was shattered. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I know a lot of other ladies who have felt the same. Irrational as it may be, you feel slightly damaged. So I firmly feel that when the time is right and you are ready to head out for the night with your girlfriends, there is nothing wrong with letting the handsome guy you met in the bar buy you a drink.

I am definitely not saying to go out and start hopping in the sack with dudes –– I actually feel that doing that can be damaging and end up hurting you more. But allow yourself to flirt a little, and build your confidence back up.

***

I know that the above is easier said than done. Yes, I still break these rules for sure, and some days are better than others, but hey, I’m working on it and it does get better with time.

I began writing this column just days after my break up. I put it down, and came back to it a couple of weeks later. I can honestly say that, very slowly, it is getting easier.

The hurt and pain are still very real and seeing him with someone else all over the internet (yep, I told you that I occasionally cave in and break my own rules) twists the knife even more.

Everyone has been in this position and it will always hurt. I know that I am not the first or last person to have their heartbroken. I am trying my best to move my life forward in positive and healthy ways, and allow myself a little fun too.

Bring on the Vegas summer. Cheers to new beginnings.

XOXO
Bradley

Related Posts
Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater: Hot Chicks And Douchebags
Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater: The Jake Ryan Theory
Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater: Penny Lane
Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater: Champagne Wishes And Rockstar Dreams
Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater