Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony1
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Favorites,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by SG’s Team Agony feat. Charley and Koshil
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q: I’ve been single for about a year now, and in general it didn’t bother me too much. In September I wound up taking two classes at college alongside a girl who was everything I ever could have dreamed of in a woman. I didn’t get to know her very well, and, due to her having her own circle of friends, I was fairly intimidated to approach her as I’m not the most outgoing guy ever.
A friend of mine noticed my plight and informed me that he knew a friend of hers, and that she was in a long term relationship. However, he recently told me that she had apparently been dumped by her boyfriend. Naturally, I want to get in contact with her and tell her how I feel.
The problem comes in that she is no longer in any of my classes for this semester, nor do I have her as a “friend” on any social networks. I’ve been battling with myself as to how much time I should allow her to have space, as well as to how I’m going to contact her. The only way I can seems to be Facebook, and I guess I feel like it’d be creepy to say, “Hey, it’s the guy from your film class last semester, I know we don’t know each other well, but…”. Maybe I’m over-thinking it and should just take the leap. What do you think?
A: Well, first of all, I have to say it’s nice to be reminded that dudes worry about these things just as much as we do. It’s easy to think we’re so different, but that’s really not the case. With that in mind, I think you have to imagine how YOU would feel if someone contacted you under similar circumstances. I’m guessing you’d be flattered, even if you weren’t interested. I think I would be.
In this situation, it makes sense for you to initially reach out by sending her a Facebook friend request. That way you can test the waters, make contact, and send a little message along with the request saying, “Hi it’s…I was in your class last semester…” You’ll be able to double check she’s not otherwise involved and she’ll be able to check you out before you take it further.
Or you could just take a leap of faith and message her outright, after all, life is so short and though it’s ridiculously scary putting yourself out there, it can also be exhilarating. Even if things don’t work out with you guys or she isn’t interested you’ll feel good for doing it. Just don’t send anything too intense; by contacting her you’re declaring interest, so after that play it a little cool 😉
Good luck! I hope things work out for you.
Q: I’m a 21-year old guy from Germany. It’s hard for me to write this mail, first, because I do not normally use such services and, second, because I do not really speak good English.
Normally I’m a lucky guy. I am happy with my friends, my job and my lifestyle. I am popular among my friends and my family (my family is very important to me). Now come the problems:
- I am a virgin.
- I’ve never had a relationship.
- I’ve never kissed a girl.
- I have not even held hands with a girl.
Here’s my theory why this is so:
Point one is that I’m not the nicest looking guy. I’m not the kind of beautiful man that women are enthusiastic about. I’m more of a nice guy. But all girls seem to see a strange and ugly guy. I think I’m more the kind of guy you have to get to know before you love him.
Point two is that I’m shy as a Sasquatch.
Point three is I think my biggest problem; I do not know any women my age. At least, not available.
Point four is in my opinion not really a problem, only some of my friends think it would be one. I do not drink alcohol, and don’t like the idea of getting drunk and waking up next to someone you do not know. This is something that I will not do. I want a relationship and not a cheap fuck. If I only wanted sex, I would go to a prostitute.
Number five is that I simply do not like to go for loud and raucous nights out with friends. I do not like the club scene or going out, getting drunk and throwing up as soon as possible. This is really not my world. It’s not that I do not leave my house. I regularly go to concerts and play billiards, but if I do go out, it is usually with my best friend. Nothing against my best friend, but he draws women like a magnet. If he is single again, then within a week he’ll find a new girl. Next to him, I’m almost invisible to women.
Sixth point (it’s already at six, I did not know how many problems I have), I try to always be liked by everyone and have huge fear of rejection, particularly among individuals who are sympathetic to me.
So there are my problems. I hope that one day I will find my love. Am I really that ugly? How can I convince a girl to look beyond my looks and get to know me? Do I not have a right to be loved too? To paraphrase the words of Rammstein: “Liebe ist für alle da” (“love is for everyone”).
I hope for a nice and helpful response from you.
A: I will start off by saying that you genuinely sound like a very down to earth and sweet guy. I can actually empathize with a lot of the problems you mentioned in your question.
You say that you don’t drink or like to go clubbing, which I do not see as being a problem at all. In fact, I see that as a rare quality for a guy your age, something which definitely works in your favor. The fact you have a hobby and enjoy going to gigs is a very attractive. I know I would rather be with a guy who is down to earth and enjoys himself, but not to the point where his only idea of fun is going out and getting drunk all the time. I mean, for one it would limit the conversation somewhat!
You say that you are a shy guy, which is again not a bad quality at all. It seems that your fear of rejection and being shy, are two problems that go hand in hand. To break this cycle you have to overcome one. The best one to tackle would be the fear of rejection. Once you have overcome this, or got it to a point where you are not letting it control the way that you interact with others, then your confidence will slowly start to increase. It is a known fact that confidence makes you more attractive to the opposite sex. Now, I’m not talking about being over confident to the point of being cocky and full of yourself, but the kind of quiet confidence that comes from within. It’s about being happy with the person you are – that stands out more than anything else.
To be able to love someone else you must be able to love yourself. What I mean by this is that even though you count yourself as a lucky guy, you then go on to say that you are not the nicest looking guy and that girls think that you are “strange and ugly.” You must be able to love yourself, and as soon as you start to do this you will feel the difference about how you see yourself and how others see you. Accepting who you are and what you’re about is the first step to loving yourself. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects, your insecurities, focus on all the great things you have: your job, family and friends.
Also, you say that you go out with your best friend who is a “girl magnet” and that next to him you feel invisible. Now, I highly doubt that you are invisible. But I really do think that because you believe that next to him you are invisible, you make yourself invisible. Again, this is your fear of rejection controlling your actions.
It is almost like a vicious circle. To break this you must tackle one problem and the rest will follow naturally. It’s not about looking for love or wondering why it seems like no one is interested, it’s more the question of being able to love yourself and being comfortable in your skin. Only then will you be able to truly love someone else.
The worst thing you can do is focus on things like fact you’ve have never had a relationship etc. For one, you are still young, and there are no rules about how old is acceptable for someone to lose their virginity or kiss someone. Live life at your own pace. The more pressure you put on yourself, the harder you will find it to relax and just focus on yourself.
Take it from me, I would rather meet an interesting happy guy who hasn’t had a relationship before but is genuine and will treat me right, than some guy who has had loads of girlfriends, who only likes to go out and get drunk and will not treat me right. I can safely say this is true for many girls.
You are actually a rare diamond 🙂
I hope this has helped and I wish you all the best!
Koshil
XX
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email detailed questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
