Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony0
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by SG’s Team Agony feat. Shotgun, Yesenia and Perdita
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q: My husband and I have been together for five years and married for one. When we first met the sex was amazing and now it feels like he is just performing maintenance on a damn car. I have brought it to his attention and he hasn’t done anything about it, and lately I’ve noticed my eye wondering. I don’t want to ruin my marriage, but I need the passion back and I feel like he’s forcing me to look elsewhere for it. What should I do? Please help.
A: I was in the same situation actually, only with a long term boyfriend. However, I actually followed through with my thoughts of exploring other territory. I not only feel like a horrible person, but I lost someone that meant a lot to me and I also lost a lot of money moving and such. I don’t even like the person that I ruined my relationship over. In the end I was way more miserable than I was with the boring sex.
That said, I know that working through these issues and discussing them can be tough too. When I tried talking to to my boyfriend about it, he laughed off my suggestions as if i was joking. When I tried watching porn with him to show him videos of what I liked, he made rude comments. I was fed up, and at a loss as to what to do.
With regards to your situation, would the two of you be open to taking a small break? Not necessary to date other people, but absence can make the heart grow fonder (and lust get stronger). Time apart always seems to make partners miss each other and can sometimes freshen up a sex life.
You can also try to get him excited before he comes home from work. Send him naughty text messages or e-mails, or say something suggestive when you talk to him on the phone. Apparently this stuff is supposed to help.
Just – please – remember before you decide to go elsewhere for sex, there’s always a chance he will find out, and you could lose him forever.
Q: I’m a 21-year old guy, and I deliver pizza and live with my parents. Due to those little things I’ve had zero luck with finding a girlfriend. I’m not the most outgoing guy. I have friends, but only a handful and clubbing/concerts aren’t my thing, which makes meeting women extremely difficult. I hope for some helpful advise. Thank y’all for listening.
A: Hey hun! Don’t be worried about all that socially constructed bullshit. There is nothing wrong with being a pizza delivery person, especially if you are only 21-years old. And tons of people your age live with their parents. If you are American, that may be why you feel like living with your parents is a downfall. In England, it is pretty common. I am an American living in England, and my fiancé lived with his parents until he was 25 years old.
I am not a club person or big concert person either. I prefer small, local band shows. During the day I like to go to local (non corporate chain) coffee/tea shops and read. I meet tons of people that way. You don’t have to be super out-going, just be yourself. Never forget that we are all human. When I am nervous about meeting people I tell myself “they all poop.” I know that is kinda weird, ha ha, but it helps shake any intimidation.
It is better to have a small group of close friends than to know a lot of people superficially. Check your local paper for any interesting events. Try something new, and remember: everyone poops so don’t be shy. What is the worst that could happen? You get shot down? Big deal, she was a bitch anyway. Think about the kind of girl you are looking for – and then think about where that girl would hang out. Go there. Here are some kisses to take with you xxx!!
Yesenia
xx
Q: I’ve been out of a relationship now for nearly 2 years. Until recently I liked the fact that I was on my own. I had no sexual partners in that time, nor have I kissed a girl. But recently I find myself becoming more and more frustrated by being alone. I see happy couples on the street, my friends in healthy and happy relationships, and I’m insanely jealous and have begun to feel my own self worth is dropping.
I should add that for the past 4/5 months I have actually been wanting a relationship, though not aggressively pursuing every girl I see. Getting back on topic, when I look at my friends (guys) I see tall, defined, smart, sophisticated men. When I look at myself, I only seem to see someone who isn’t the smartest tool in the shed. Due to learning difficulties I find it hard to read for long periods of time, so I’ve never read any of these ground breaking books. I see someone who isn’t the fattest guy ever (in fact, in the past 5 months I’ve lost loads of weight, I’m 14 stone down from 15.5! Go me!), but despite the weight loss I see a guy who doesn’t have desirable features.
Coming from where I do, and being the person I am (artist, musician, tattooed, metal head sort of standard guy) I’m not viewed as desirable, but as somewhat of an outcast. There is a lot of bad blood between me and most other alternative people in my area. Again, I’m getting off topic, sorry.
My Question is: How can I get over my insane envy and jealousy, stop being so uptight, and view life as a better thing than what it is? (Sorry if this question is a bit convoluted and hard to understand.)
A: I gotta say dude, if you’re looking for advice about being a slightly awkward metalhead with learning difficulties I am your woman! In all seriousness, the first thing that comes to mind is this: BE YOURSELF. Unless you are a Neo-Nazi, or Muammar al-Gaddafi, you are not in need of a drastic makeover. You shouldn’t force yourself to change into something you aren’t comfortable with; it’s tough to maintain being something you aren’t, plus doing so will make you feel more awkward.
Additionally, studies show that comparing yourself to others is a wholly inaccurate means of evaluating your awesomeness, so I would suggest cutting that out. It’s a one-two punch for your self-worth when your take your own opinion of yourself seriously and believe it. You have unique and varied interests, and your successful weight loss shows commitment and self-respect – so snaps for you. Instead of being lonely, frustrated, and jealous, work to change your circumstances and your outlook.
Hopefully you didn’t let the bridges burn in the alternative community completely and can mend some fences and forge friendships. Check your local alternative paper or magazine for events: shows, roller derby, weird little gallery openings are all great places to meet people. Even if you don’t leave with a pocket full of phone numbers, socializing isn’t a bad thing if you’ve felt super isolated for so long. Don’t forget to avoid the two ‘C’s when it comes to dating: creepy and crazy. Pursue women you’re interested in, but don’t chase them, and when you do go on a date leave the “Dying Fetus” shirt at home. Just kidding, save it for the second date!
As to feeling out of touch intellectually, I have one word for you my friend: HEADPHONES. Instead of struggling with trying to input visually, try aurally. No not that kind of aura, just use your ears! I am a big fan of podcasts, there are so many free ones available that cater to every kind of interest. If you want to go the more cultured route you can get daily news podcasts to keep up with current events, or go to the library and check out their audiobook selection. It’s not all about reading books, especially if that just doesn’t work for you. But there are other options out there that are well worth exploring.
So remember grasshopper: fuck Fight Club, you ARE a unique and beautiful snowflake. But you only fall once so learn how to fly lest you melt.
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
