Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony0

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Rydell and Atlea

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I’m 18, going to be 19 in a few months. I have been in relationships were there was a lot of controlling. My ex didn’t want me talking to certain people and especially had a problem when I would talk to my brother. Me and my brother are very close, and my ex felt my brother was going take me away from him. Now that me and him broke up it’s like I don’t have the same confidence and self-esteem I had before I was with him.

I find myself finding guys like him. Why is it hard for me to find a good guy? Sometimes I don’t know if I am straight. Sometimes I think I’m bi. Because of everything I have been through I find myself drinking a lot. Right now, I have a drinking problem but it’s so hard for me to stop. I drink my problems away, or so I think. I feel I’m in a place where no one would know or care where I’m at.

A: First off, I say take a break from dating if you are finding the same type of guys. You need to get out of the mindset you were in with your controlling guy and concentrate more on you, making yourself a better and more confident person. Never let a guy take YOUR confidence away. Be strong in who you are. If you are not sure who you are yet, then take time to explore it. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who make you fell loved and special.

When you start your search for a partner, try this exercise; write a list of the qualities you really want in a person that you would like to date. I have done it and it lets you see in writing what you want, don’t want, and what your are truly looking for. Having a partner is a great thing, but you need one who is complimentary to your personality, has what is on your list, or at least a majority of those qualities. I don’t believe in compromising in what you want in a partner. Once you have worked on yourself, gained back some of your self-esteem (which only you can regain), then open your eyes to your list and always be aware of it, and see who comes to light for you – whether that be a guy or a girl.

Secondly, I say get some help for your drinking. Alcohol is a depressant, which means it slows the function of the central nervous system. Alcohol actually blocks some of the messages trying to get to the brain, so thats why it “feels” like you are drinking them away. Try quitting on your own, but if that doesn’t work seek professional help or reach out to your local AA group. Drinking will only make things harder for you in the end. Living life is about feeling all the good and bad we go thru. It shapes and creates us. You are just starting your journey – don’t make it worse by taking a bottle with you.

Hope this has been helpful in some way to you, and that when you look inside you find the answers you seek. They are truly there, you just need to ask the right questions.

Rydell

Q: What do you do if a woman dumps you cause she doesn’t want a commitment, dates around, then decides she wants you back?

A: Well that’s a tough one. On one hand, you’d like to have a relationship with this person, on the other, you don’t want to be a consolation prize.

It’s not that people can’t change, people just generally don’t want to. And I’m not saying second chances are a bad idea, I’m just saying there are things to consider when faced with a problem like this. If she seems serious about wanting a relationship, and you are still interested, there’s nothing stopping you from having a conversation about it with her. Communication is key, and it’s important to make it clear to her (and yourself) what you expect out of this new relationship. The last thing you want is to become a doormat only in use for certain seasons, right? I think that you need to evaluate how hurt you were when she left, and whether or not you’re prepared to be in that situation again.

Having been that girl once before, I know that it’s very hard for her as well. I went back to a relationship I had ended after a few months separation. For my situation, there was no amount of time that would have fixed our issues, but I know we both needed the closure. I also found out how change can happen in a matter of just a couple weeks. By ending the relationship I found myself spending a lot of time thinking about myself, both as a person and as a lover. I easily found and admitted my faults, and was able to share that with my guy at the time. This is the kind of conversation that needs to be had before going further. I’m positive that if she decided she wants you back, then her time off definitely gave her some insight as to what she maybe didn’t realize she had, or wanted.

I’m not saying that she needs to beg for your love, but you both need to be clear about what you want. I think a relationship can work even if the start was a little rocky, but everyone needs to be aware of what they expect from one another.

In the end I think you need to be true to yourself and what you think is realistic. If you feel she’s probably playing you, then follow your gut. If you think she’s sincere, take the time to talk with her and you may end up having a long and fulfilling relationship.

Atlea

Got problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com