Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony1
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by SG’s Team Agony feat. Friskey and Setsuka
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q: I dated this guy a little for over a year. We broke up about two months ago because we fought a lot. Well, actually, he broke up with me and turned sort of bitter towards me. Then he all of a sudden said he missed me and loved me and wanted me back, but about a week later he said he didn’t love me anymore. I really have no idea what his problem was. It’s been about two months since then and we’ve started talking, and even went on a couple of dates. I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I’m kind of scared. I don’t want to be hurt again, but I want to be with him. What do I tell him? What should I do? I’m so confused. I need advice please?!
A: There are a lot of questions you need to ask yourself about this relationship and why your guy is being so fickle.
I like to assume you are sweetheart and you treat your man like a king. If that is the case, my advice to you is to kick him to the curb. You deserve someone who loves and respects you, and someone who treats you like you treat them. But maybe you’re a crazy psycho bitch who drives him away by your controlling ways. And because he’s used to being treated badly he comes back for more. Or you might be a bit of both, no one is perfect.
What it comes down to is how you treat each other – especially when you fight. Is there name-calling? Are you cruel to one another? Are these fights over trivial things? Do you both realize your faults when it is over and say sorry? Be honest with yourself. If it’s a healthy relationship, you will bring out the best in each other.
If you truly love him, and want him to stick around, you both need to realize that you can’t go on as you have been. To break the cycle, make a conscious decision to be sweet to each other, and stop fighting, since arguing rarely solves anything anyway. It’s more of a device to express frustration, and rarely even acknowledges – never mind helps – the underlying cause. For that, you need to communicate calmly, and when the situation isn’t emotionally charged. If you work on your own communications skills, even if this relationship doesn’t work out, you’ll be better equipped for the next, so it’s win/win.
Pick your moment well, and gently talk to him in a manner that won’t automatically put him in a defensive mode so he can really open up. Ask him why he falls in and out of love with you. You might learn something about yourself, or learn that he’s a selfish ass who should be dumped anyways.
But seriously, communication is key. If you want it to work, you need to be honest and open with each other. If that doesn’t work, then move on. At the end of the day, if you’re unable to relate to each other, he’s not for you and you’re not for him.
Good luck! I hope you figure out what’s best for you both:)
Q: The girl I love now lives 900 miles away in PA. When she lived close by in WI, everything was perfect. We hung out all the time, we were both happy, and our relationship was great. She moved to be with her family and go to college. At first it was going well. Now, 6 months later, neither one of us is happy.
I’m not happy because she’s not here with me, and she’s not happy because she hates it there. She says she’s not hooking up or anything, and I believe her, but 90% of her friends are dudes. I’ve never met them and it’s hard not to be jealous.
She talks to me less and less each week. But then once a month, she will tell me she misses me and all the good times, and that she wants to come back – but then barely talks to me after that.
It started getting like this about 2 months ago. It’s making me depressed and insane. I just want her to know how much I miss her and that I want her to come back so things can be good again. Any ideas or advice on how to handle this would be very much appreciated!
A: If it would be possible to visit her in PA, I would say go out there and see how it is. Long distance relationships are very hard and they don’t always work out. If you can go out there, it’ll be much easier to see in person if you both still feel the same way. Even if it’s just for a few days, you would know if you guys have anything left and if it is worth the hassle of a long distance relationship. And if you’re reminded of how strong you bond together is, that will really help when you’re apart.
Also, you say you believe her and trust her, but you need to think about whether or not you really feel that way. By bringing up how many male friends she has and the fact that you are jealous, it makes it seem as though you may not trust her 100%. One thing I have learned is that trust is the most important thing in a relationship. If you have reason to doubt that she is being honest with you or that she is still in love with you, then that is something you need to look at and decide why you feel that way.
In the end, you have to do what is best for you, and what will make you happy. If the relationship is causing you to be unhappy and depressed, it may be time to take a break and see how you feel. If you absolutely love each other and can’t live without each other, then you will know fairly quickly, and you can go back and try to make it work.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best 🙂
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
