Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony3
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by SG’s Team Agony feat. Sassie and Vanessa
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q: How does a shy guy like me talk to an angel? For the longest time, I have been enjoying the most intense dreams of a SG kind of girl. All emo with tattoos and such. Gush….
This has been going on in my thoughts and dreams even before I discovered this wonderful site. It is almost as if I found my way this far for a reason.
Now with that said, I am in a horrible marriage. Ten years have gone by now. If it were not for the fact that we have an 8-year old daughter, I would have dumped her years ago.
Do you think it is possible to find the gal of my dreams here on SG? And if so, how do I approach the subject of me being married but not happy and ready to jump ship?
Let us leave it at that for now…
A: First off I’d say you need to be honest with yourself. Now, I’m in no place to tell you to leave your wife. But if what you say is true, what is stopping you from getting a divorce? I know you have a child, but it also seems like you want to start over in a new relationship with someone else, and you can’t do that if you’re still invested in a marriage. I speak from experience. I got divorced about two years ago, and I am much happier now. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You should ask yourself what you really want out of your marriage, and if you’re not getting it, it’s time to make yourself happy. Sometimes being selfish is for the best. Your daughter can probably tell if you’re unhappy, and I’m sure as she gets older she will understand and respect your decision.
Second of all, what is causing you to be so shy? I know girls (like us) can be intimidating, but in reality we’re really just the same as you. We worry about talking to guys also. I believe that you can find the girl of your dreams. Perhaps not on SG, but you need to get out there and look for her. Face your fears and your shyness — what’s the worst that can happen? I feel there’s no better way to get over a fear then to face it head on. It’s the best way to learn too. Say a girl turns you down — learn from what you did and try something new next time. It’s not gonna happen right away, but just keep trying. Start casual conversations with a girl. Chat about the things you have in common. Eventually it will just come naturally to you.
When you’re ready to move on from your current relationship and truly open up to someone new, you will find her. And if she is the right one for you she will accept that you have a past whatever it may be, so don’t be afraid to explain your current situation. I’m a firm believer in being completely honest. I would definitely want a guy to tell me if he were still married, or in a relationship if we were to get involved. I can’t necessarily say if that would deter me. It would depend on the situation for sure. But it’s better to tell her up front, than for her to find out later and jet — after you’ve already fallen in love with her.
Hope this helps, hun. Good luck.
Q: I am a 19-year old college student and I have real problems with commitment and therefore maintaining a permanent relationship with anyone. I know what you may say, that I’m still young and I probably didn’t find the right person and I have plenty of time to do so. I agree, but I’m not looking for anyone to marry already, many people my age and even younger have stable relationships and it’s normal, while the longest one I’ve ever been involved in was four months (if you don’t count few weekly breaks and about 200 miles distance).
I know that the problem lies in me. The thing is that even if I really enjoy a person, and there’s almost nothing wrong with her/him, after a while I feel a strange repulsion to communicate with them. I don’t want to talk or write to them. I tell myself that I’m tired of them and I need a little break, but the longer it gets, the more difficult it is for me to start communicating with them again.
This is almost always the main reason for all my break-ups. For instance, when I was 16- years old, I was dating a wonderful girl for three weeks, so basically I shouldn’t get bored by her. But after those three weeks I stopped returning her calls and so on. We just lost contact. After few years I realized she could’ve been perfect for me; we had similar interests and taste in music, movies, boys and girls. She was beautiful and clever, so there was really no reason for me to break up this relationship.
And just last summer I started seeing this incredibly hot, skinny, gothic style boy — totally my type. He was intelligent as well, and very modest. I pictured him as my dream boy and I really didn’t want it to end, so I explained my issues to him and asked him to be patient whenever I stopped talking to him. The truth is, he felt a similar way about me, so each time I “disappeared” without notice, he understood and waited for me. Then one time I warned him that I was going through a rough time and that I may disappear for a little longer. He said he was ok with it, but after few weeks with no talking I saw via some social network service that he was in relationship with someone else and we never spoke again. It broke my heart, but I know I’m the one to blame.
Anyway, I thought for a while that maybe I’m that type of guy that is just unable to commit and that I’m better off this way. I tried to convince myself that I enjoyed solitude and being alone. However I realized it’s not true because I often get lonely and I know that I need someone, not only to talk, but also to be with. Someone who will be there for me — even if it sounds lame. I would love to experience a whole, normal relationship. All I’ve ever had were just beginnings, so you can see why I’m not satisfied. Please, SuicideGirls, help me. What should I do to keep someone for a longer time?
xx.
Ps. Sorry for my English, I’m originally Polish and even though I learned language for about 10 years I still make misspellings sometimes and I’m aware of that…Lots of love.
A: Aw, sweetie. First off, let me say, your English is great, no need to apologize for that.
I also have this same kind of problem. I don’t get bored with people, per se, but it just seems that after a certain amount of time, when the initial excitement wears off, you don’t know where to go from there. And often, it leads to “Well, this isn’t as fun as it was”.
I also want someone who will always be there for me, no matter the problem, and someone who is trustworthy. I don’t like being alone either, but it’s really hard to find that person. I believe in fate completely, and eventually, there will be a person who will be there for you, no mater what. Someone who will be able to understand how you feel and help you find a way around it or stick with you through it.
I think what you could do is maybe, when you first meet someone, just casually date and not throw yourself in 1000% at first (which is what I always end up doing as well, and it seems that’s a good way to ruin a relationship). That way, you’re not seeing each other every day and you don’t burn the relationship out before it has a chance to naturally develop. Talk every other day or every 3 days, that way when you DO see each other, it’s always a little exciting. It’s always a fun feeling to have that little tingle of butterflies in your stomach every time you see someone. If you take things more slowly, maybe you won’t get bored, and you’ll not feel like you need to stop talking to them because you’re not around them all the time. Does that make sense?
And who knows? Maybe then you’ll find the perfect guy 🙂
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
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