Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony1
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by SG’s Team Agony feat. Seizure and Rin
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q: I want to get my boyfriend back. We were only together for a short time, but I so want him back. He has another girlfriend. I love spending time with him. We were close friends before, so I thought we would make it as a couple. One day his grandpa died and he stopped talking to me altogether. I thought I had done something wrong. It hurt so bad, I cried so loud I woke my mom up. Is it normal for guys to just stop talking to you all at once?
A: You ask if it normal for a guy to just stop talking to you for no reason. The answer is no. But it is normal for an asshole to stop talking to you for no reason. And unless you killed his grandfather, I don’t think you did anything wrong. He had no reason to act the way he did, other than his obvious disregard for your feelings. He sounds like he really isn’t worth the pain and the time you took to ask this question. My advice is to move on and enjoy your life. When the right time comes, you will meet a great person who respects you. If you continue to stay hung up on a guy who doesn’t have enough respect to even give you a reason for the breakup, then you wont available when the right person does come along. Also he has a girlfriend now. I think it is very low to tread on someone else’s relationship. If you really want him back, see if he comes back, but don’t wait around for him — he isn’t worth it.
Broken hearts heal…I promise.
Q: I am in love with this guy named Aaron. We’ve been on and off for about two years now. We started off as best friends, then it turned into friends with benefits. Eventually I had to call it off because he was sleeping with other girls and I didn’t like that. In the meantime, I got really drunk and had a one night fling with this other guy named Devon. About two months later I found out I was pregnant. I told them both, and both knew it would be a possibility that the baby could end up being either one of theirs.
Aaron told me he didn’t care if it was his or not, he wanted to be there for us and take care of us regardless. He started staying with me all the time and taking care of me. Everything was great until I found out he was sleeping with some girl behind my back and lying to me about it. We had a huge argument and he started dating the girl. We didn’t talk for several months so I got a new boyfriend named Zach.
Then around New Year, Aaron called and asked if he can come over with some friends of ours cause we were having a get together at my house. They came over in Aaron’s girlfriend’s car while she was at work. He was already drunk when he showed up, and he started telling my boyfriend Zach that he better not try and act like my baby’s father when it arrives. Then he drank some more and fell in the front yard crying because I had a new boyfriend.
About a month after this he shows up at my house at two in the morning because him and his girlfriend broke up. He wanted to tell me that he made a big mistake and should have never left me. He told me that he loved me, and wanted to be with me and take care of me and the baby. I really just ignored everything he said because he has hurt me many times already, but we started being friends and putting our differences aside and talking even though I was still with Zach.
The day I got induced Aaron was there and watched my son being born. He cut the umbilical cord and everything. After, he visited me everyday I was in the hospital. Then the day I got sent home from the hospital my Zach went to jail for contempt of court. Aaron wanted to come stay at the house with the baby, so I let him, and while he was there I realized I needed to give him another chance to do right by me and my son.
I broke up with Zach when he got out of jail, and me and Aaron got together. We were so happy that he stopped drinking and seeing other girls. Everything was about me and my little boy. He went to work and as soon as he got off, me and the baby would go see him till he went to bed. On the weekends he would stay with us. Everything was just perfect!
Then the other guy, Devon, wanted to get a DNA test done on the baby. The results came back, and it turned out that is was his and not Aaorn’s. This crushed me and Aaron. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. I know it was hard for him too because we sat down and cried about it together. He said it didn’t matter, and that he still loved us and was gonna be here for us no matter what “because he already feels like it’s his son.”
Everything was good for about the first two months of my son’s life. Then Aaron started acting weird, not wanting to talk much, not wanting to hold the baby or anything. While he was at work one day I took all my things from his house and left him. I told him that I didn’t feel like he wanted us there anymore, and that if he ever just wanted to talk I would like for him to call me but that I just couldn’t carry on as we were.
Well, I found out that he just got indicted on some charges for something that he did a few years ago and he is probably looking at a couple of years. It turns out that was why he was so upset. He is the type that keeps everything bottled up until he just snaps or has a breakdown.
Ever since he found out about jail he has been pushing everyone close to him that he cares about away, including me. He curses his mother and disrespects his brother, and sometimes he will say hurtful things to me about the baby and stuff. But the way he is, he thinks if he pushes everyone away that he cares about, no one will be sad about him going to jail when he does go. He is trying to push us away because he cares about us. Also, he doesn’t want to be so close to everyone and not get to see them for years – that’s just how his mind works.
I don’t know what to do. Should I just sit back and take everything he does to hurt us because I know he really doesn’t mean it? Or do I just walk away? It’s so hard because I love him. Regardless, I will probably write him and visit him when he does go to jail. But I don’t know if I should move on or not. I know that I am not ready to, because I really do love this boy with all my heart, and everything really was perfect until he found out he was going away. Please give me some advice. I’m going out of my mind here!
A: Wow, what a cluster fuck of emotions!! This dude Aaron is super shady. He’s told you a couple times that he’d be there for you and your son “no matter what” and then turned around and acted opposite to his words. Even though he is just pushing everyone away before he gets sent to jail for a few years, that’s still a shitty way to act, and no way to treat someone you said you’d be there for. It sounds like he doesn’t really know what he wants and so he is just dragging your emotions around, and he’s not even your baby daddy!
It’s so important for you to be stable, happy, and healthy — not just for you, but for your son too. Aaron sounds manipulative and totally unstable. He says things and goes back on them over and over, and treats you like shit when he’s dealing with consequences of his actions. That’s not the kind of person you should have in your life! Even though you love him, it’s better in the long run to walk away now and wait until you find someone who won’t bring drama into your life, and by proxy, into your son’s life.
It’s difficult to say goodbye when you have given your heart away, but Aaron is not going to do anything but bring you more grief. He’s choosing to handle his impending jail-time by lashing out and acting like an asshole. Do you really want someone in your life who would rather choose verbal and substance abuse over being honest and telling you what’s going on?
I truly believe you can find someone who treats you with respect and love in every circumstance, not just when he’s happy. My vote is to ditch the loser and spend time learning how to be alone, healing the hole in your heart, and moving on when you meet someone truly wonderful.
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
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