Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony2
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by SG’s Team Agony feat. Charley, Elea and Dorsal
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q. I don’t know if were are over or not but I’m dating this boy who lives in a town 3 hours from mine. We’ve been together now for one year but it’s long distance relationship. Yesterday a girl sent me this message on Facebook asking who I was and what kind of relationship I had with my boyfriend. I told her all that, and she answered saying that they’ve been together for 3 years and that he is also her boyfriend!! He denies it all, but I know he’s lying. I love him, but I guess I’m better off just forgeting him and trying not to have a long distance thing ever again, because you never know what the other person is doing. I want to forgive and forget but I don’t know what to do anymore. Can you advise me?
A. Well first of all, I’m sorry this dude has been abusing your long distance love in such a horrible way. It sounds like you have some proof that he’s been a bit greedy with the girlfriends despite his denials? In that case it seems to me like there is only one choice. As we all know, one of the most important things in any relationship is the ability to trust your partner. Even if he finished with the other girl and you two carried on, would you ever really be able to feel comfortable with this guy – especially considering the distance? I’ve had a couple of long distance relationships in the past and they’re hard enough to maintain without all that extra worry and stress – although they can be great if both people are upfront and committed to making it work out. My advice to you would be to take some time to get over this jerk, then move on to someone more decent and maybe closer by.
Good luck!
Charley
Q. I can’t figure out women. I went out with someone about six years ago. She broke it off saying she didn’t want to see me anymore, no reason. So a week before Thanksgiving I get a friend request on Facebook – it was her. I accepted her request, and she starts messaging me, and we go back and forth catching up on things. Then we exchange phone numbers and start talking for hours at a time for a few days. It’s like we never stopped seeing each other. She is telling me how she was afraid to send me a friend request and how she has thought about me over the years.
A mutual friend sent her a picture of her new baby granddaughter, she said she started crying cause she thought the baby was mine. I am telling her that I have thought about her too. She was saying how her Grandma said she should have married me, and how she had wanted my baby.
I went over and had dinner with her and her girls, had a great time catching up. We went for a long walk after dinner, and held each other and kissed. We told each other how much we felt for each other and we talked and texted everyday for the next few days. She said she was alone on Thanksgiving night and could I come over and spend the night with her. We had a wonderful time just cuddling and talking.
Then she got the flu or something and was sick. I asked if I could get her anything or come over and look after her, but she said no. So Saturday morning I get this text which said: “Oh my XBF came over last night crying and saying he wanted to try harder. Would I still hang out with her if she decided to get back with him?”
WTF I’m thinking! I was going crazy thinking about this text. She is still sick and on Monday I text her: “Can I come over and give you a massage or just keep you company?” Her answer’s: “No. I am too attracted to you for you to give me massage. If you did I would get sexually involved with you and would not be good cause of situation with man.” I say, “That would only be the case if you got back with him.” I call and she says she got back with him and asked if I was mad. I say, no, I’m confused, hurt, baffled etc. She says it does not change the way she feels about me and never will.
For the next few day she is sending me texts saying good night, that she misses me, and that we should get together to hang out soon. One day I text her telling her “I want your heart.” She says, “Damn don’t whisper this in my ear.” No more texts for a while, then she goes back to “Hi, I miss you.” Why do women do this? After they break up with you they call and pester you while you try and get over them. Should I chase after her or let her go? Need some advice from women’s perspective. Thanks, confused.
A. First of all, let me assure you that not all women are like that. Unfortunately I can’t give you a definitive rational explanation for that kind of behavior, but, to me, this whole story sounds like she was bored and feeling alone.
Although it sounds like she was sincere in her feelings by what you are writing, it seems like she was not quite as emotionally involved as you were. If she was, she would never have thought about getting back together with her ex.
I would honestly cut the contact and move on. Don’t answer her texts. She is probably getting a kick out of you answering and telling her how much you love her and want her to be yours. Some women sadly are like that; They’re just needy, attention seeking, and wanting to be desired.
She’s playing with your feelings, even if she doesn’t mean to be hurtful. Even if she does have some honest loving feelings for you, she still sounds like drama because she is not able to fully decide who she wants to be with. She already stopped wanting to see you once and might feel like that again. Actually it already seems like she does because she chose another guy over you.
Bottom line, let her go. Delete her from Facebook too. Staying in touch like this will only cause more agony in the future.
Best,
Elea
Q. I’m 22, engaged and madly in love…with a compulsive liar. To me, honesty is one of the most important things (if not the most important thing) in a relationship. She has cheated on me, kept secrets from me, she has even made up a fake internet profile to stir/create drama between me and my friends. As a result of that, I literally have none left. At the time I had no idea about the fake account. It was made to look like all my best friends had gone mental making up stories and that they were all really angry at me.
It was when I tried to log into Twitter of all places when I noticed a strange username appear in the autocomplete box..followed by a password. I logged in and saw a lot of messages to my friends. For ages I knew about this and said nothing until I found out she was lying to me again about a certain guy. I lost it and called her on it, and she denied everything – even though I had seen the proof. There are several other things but they all go along similar lines… she lies and, once caught, lies about lying.
Am I stupid for staying with her? I’ve lost all my friends and all the trust I once had, but I genuinely love her. As pathetic as this sounds, I’d be a loner without her. My head is telling me to walk away but my heart won’t listen. What should I do?
A. With dedication, love can be the only thing that matters. I would make her prove that she is honest about her love for you by asking her to get professional help. After all she’s done I’m sure you often question if she loves you or if that is a lie in itself. If she refuses to do so, I would think it was a sign that she doesn’t want to try to fix the problems she has caused in your relationship. It might not completely be her fault. Usually people that react in such bizarre ways have had traumatizing pasts. Seeking the help of a psychologist would be a mature remedy.
You can love her all you want, but, as things stand now, she is not marriage material. I suggest you break off the engagement. She needs to focus on healing herself. There is a deeper reason why she is doing all of this. She doesn’t seem mentally stable enough to be in a relationship if she feels the need to cheat, lie, destroy your life, and make all your friends go away. Lovers don’t do that to each other. A wife doesn’t do that to her husband. That’s not what marriage is about. Marriage is about feeling safe and secure through trust and open communication.
Tell her she needs help. Her actions not only hurt herself but those that she loves. This is not normal behavior. If you want it to work out, help her along the way. And when the time comes, the old saying is “If you let something go and it comes back, it was meant to be.”
Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
