Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony0

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Friskey and Tita

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I wrecked my motorcycle almost 6 years ago, and it has left me paralyzed and in a wheelchair. I haven’t had a relationship since. I have always been a bit shy, but now I feel self-conscious about my “situation”. I feel like people look at me as though I am helpless. And its hard to find a girl who would rather ask me for my phone number than ask me if they can hold open a door for me. Most people see a person in a chair and their first thought usually isn’t “Oooh, I want some of that!” I’m pretty likable guy…once you get past the fact that I’m in a chair. How would you suggest that I go about getting women to want to date me? In all honesty, what would it take for you to date a person who was paralyzed?

A: What it would take for me to date a man in a wheelchair, is basically the same thing it would take for me to date any man – able-bodied or not. Sweetness, charm and a bit of flirtation.

Given your predicament you might have to do a bit more approaching then you used to, so be active in your quest. Working on your shyness and self confidence is the first step. Feeling good about yourself and confident about who you are is the best kind of sexiness there is.

Depending on the extent of your injuries, joining a sport could help. And there are lots of choices for wheelchair sports, like basketball and sailing to name a few. Enroll yourself in an art class or an acting class. These are all great ways to self explore, express and gain confidence. And they offer great social aspects as well!

Instead of focusing on dating, how about developing relationships on a deeper level first? Connecting with people online is a really great way to actually do that. This way your “situation” won’t be such a distraction and when it comes time for you to meet in person, you’ll both will be long over it.

There’s lots of online communities, including our own, where you can converse with people who share similar interests to you. Join the forums and groups. You will find like-minded folks who embrace differences.

SG’s mission is to redefine beauty, that includes you too. We also have a group specifically for people with disabilities. Other sites to check out are: DisabledDesires.com a dating site which connects disabled and able bodied people. Disaboom.com is another excellent site for information and resources. They have an amazing range of info that includes sports, dating and jobs.

I can’t even imagine how hard life has been since the accident. But try to have fun with this new approach. Once you make a conscious effort to embrace change within yourself, you will start to notice a change in the way people treat you and the quality of the relationships you form.

Good luck!

Friskey
Xo

Q: I’ve been with this guy for two years. We are now in a long distance relationship, but I’m at the point where I don’t know if we are still together. I get a call or a text message every couple of weeks. He’s 4 hours away from me. I was supposed to go with him, but he wanted me to leave my job and my family. He now wants to move closer, but has to come here to get stuff I’m keeping for him. Do I hold on to him or go my own way and see what else is out there?

A: First things first. Do you wish you heard from him more? If so, it’s perfectly acceptable for you to ask for what you want and deserve. At this point you don’t seem to be getting either. Additionally, only hearing from your mate every couple of weeks, sometimes only in text form, is not enough to sustain a relationship. People in long distance relationships have to work twice as hard to nurture their bond, and keep the fire burning.

How often do you contact him? Do you feel able to text or call him as you wish? If you are trying to contact him and your attempts are going unheard, it is a good indication that things are winding down.

Remember those early days of the relationship when you couldn’t wait to hear from each other? Remember when you would get butterflies just thinking of him? Remember when you wondered what the other person was doing and when you would get to see each other again? What happened to those days?

No one said long distance is easy. There is want, and need, and day to day things that you can’t share with each other. You can’t kiss or touch, and it literally hurts to miss someone like that. However, you can still be invested in each other’s lives.

This is 2011. This is the time of tablets and computers, FaceBook and FaceTime, smart phones and smarter users! My grandparents were separated by war for 5 years, but were still as in love and connected via letters and telegrams, as they were during their courtship. Long distance or long term, the spark should never go out. Not on your end and not on his.

If you can remedy the current state of your communication, there may be hope for you. If not, I wouldn’t wait for him to move closer. If the draw towards each other is no longer enough to run home each night and race to the phone, it might already be too late.

Best wishes!

*Besos*

Tita

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com