Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony0
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by SG’s Team Agony feat. Casca, Perdita, and Shotgun
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q: My question is one that plagues almost anyone who is interested in someone else: should I keep trying or should I just give up? About 3 months ago I met a girl that I have fallen madly in love with. She is a few years older than me and works at a music store that I went in to. Fom that day on I have dreamed about her every night that I have slept. Every weekend since then I have found reasons to go in there and buy something just so I could talk to her. I gave her concert tickets a few weeks after meeting her (I had to work that night so I couldn’t use them) and she gave me her phone number. I texted her the next day to ask her if she enjoyed the concert, and she replied back telling me she did.
Here is the problem. Any time I go in there I feel that things are good between us. I feel that we are friends as we joke around and talk. However, when I would ask her if she wanted to hang out or have lunch she would tell me that she would text me to let me know, but would never actually do so. Or she would tell me to text her, and then I wouldn’t get a reply. I have told her that I was interested in her as more than a friend, and I asked her if she had a boyfriend. She told me that she didn’t have one, but that she “wasn’t really looking for one now,” and that we could still be friends.
To me she is my dream girl. She is smart, funny, cute, artistic and musical, and perfect to me. I would do anything in my power to be perfect for her. I don’t know if I should I keep going in there to try to hang out with her, or if I should just give up and forget about her? I want to be friends with her, but according to my friends she hasn’t shown any interest in me. However, when I go in to see her, I feel that there may be something there and there is a part of me that tells me that she is worth fighting for. I know this sounds like high school drama, but it has been driving me crazy.
Hopeless Romantic
A: Dear Hopeless Romantic,
The way I see it is you have two choices, ask her out or leave it and just carry on being friends. From what you have said it does sound like she wants to keep your relationship as just friends. I get that impression from the fact that she doesn’t return your texts or want to hang out outside of her work. Is it possible that because of the way you feel about her you are reading signs that aren’t there?
On the other had, she might just be really shy. She might want to hang out and text you but she doesn’t know what to say and feels awkward. I think the thing to consider here is what does she mean to you? Could you handle just staying friends or do you need to know if you have got something? Depending on how you feel I can see two options. Be up front with her, tell her how you feel and ask her if she is interested in you. Ether she will say yes or she will say no. Whether or not you do this really depends on if you are willing to risk loosing her in your life altogether, but you never know, she might say yes. The other option is to just see how things go, stay friends and get to know each other better and see if the relationship progresses on its own. She said that she wasn’t looking for a relationship right now, maybe she just needs some time. With this option you still get to have her in your life with the hope that a relationship might happen in the future.
I think it all boils down to how long are you willing to wait. If you need to know, then ask her out. If maintaining a friendship with her is more important, then take your time and see how it goes.
Wishing you all the best,
Casca
xx
Q: I’m a 27 year old mother of three with a boyfriend that I’ve been with for four years. He is driving me nuts but he is the father of my youngest and he’s good with the kids. My question is about this other guy that I play video games with. He is a 28 year old single parent with two kids and we are really good friends. I can’t take my mind off him and that too is driving me nuts. I’m so torn up about what to do. I can really see myself with this guy but I don’t know if I’m fucking up by thinking about letting my boyfriend go (he has broke up with me like 30 times). I don’t know what to do? I REALLY WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING! I can’t take this anymore. Please help!
A: Sweetheart, we’ve all been there. As the song goes, “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.” It sounds like you may be looking for a way out, but it’s very easy to forget about the reality of large changes and get caught up in the fantasy of the end result.
I’m not saying that you should stay in your current relationship simply for the children or because it’s too much of a change for you to handle. From the sound of it, neither of you are 100% committed to – or happy with – this relationship. But if you think that your boyfriend is worth a second chance (and do give this some consideration, if only for your own sake), you should limit your contact with Mr. Xbox, at least for a few months. Absence does not actually make the heart grow fonder, and it will do you good to have some distance.
If you’re still on the fence about your current boyfriend, consider the number of times he has broken up with you. If he cannot seem to appreciate you or cannot seem to stay committed to you, it’s time to move on. HOWEVER do not immediately rush off into the arms of Mr. X, unless you want to forever doom him to rebound status. Now is the time to gather your thoughts and clear your head. Once you’ve taken some time for yourself by all means see if Mr. X wants to take the relationship to the next level. Whatever you choose, think it over, don’t rush into it and good luck!
Q: I don’t often ask for advice, so I hope I am able to convey my dilemma clearly and accurately. I’ve been hanging out with this girl for four months now. We met through mutual friends at a Halloween event. We got along really well from the start, plenty of things in common, yada yada yada, but we also seem to be quite opposite in our knowledge bases, in a seeming yin and yang respect.
Now, she has some dark personal history in her past, which I’ve been around before with girls previously, so it’s nothing to scare me away (if that’s the right phrase). Due to this, we have had some fairly heavy talks with my trying to give advice and the like. We’ve also stayed up late chatting about things we would like to do career-wise and travel-wise. We also have been to various bars in LA and explored shops and cafes that she enjoys. I don’t get out much (if at all, part of our yin and yang I suppose) so these trips are insightful for me, and fun for her.
To get to the nitty gritty: when traveling back home after spending a weekend with her in SC and parting ways (she had a production job up there), I decided to call her and tell her I liked her (many hours later). It had been about two months at that time, too soon to tell her that perhaps, but I felt that the Fools and Angels in my mind were getting to be too much. Her reply was one of a few that I expected: she didn’t want to answer. Flash-forward to the beginning of this month, she laid it on me that she had been seeing someone for about a year, off and on. She didn’t sound definite about it – this was over IM – so I didn’t exactly feel devastated. The kicker is, the night before, we slept, platonically, together at her place. It was very nice and didn’t feel strange at all and the next day nothing felt awkward.
We’ve spent the night together another time, still platonically and spent the entire next day together on a pretty awesome road trip with a biker friend of mine and his buddies. At the end of the evening when I dropped her off, I thanked her for an amazing weekend and kissed her cheek- nothing was said nor done about it, and it felt alright. We’ve gone to more places and spent more time together, and have had a few more chats about life and everyday occurrences since then.
I am rather impatient when dealing with my life and have in the past waited and waited only to miss plenty of opportunities (ones I thought were there anyway). I also know that four months is not a long time. With that, I would like to broach the question of the current state of her “relationship” and, depending on that answer, ask about “us” and a possibility thereof. I will say that I am comfortable with what we have, but selfishly and honestly, I would like more. But the potential to ruin it all by asking, is what has been stopping me from doing so.
Sincerely,
Stuck in the Middle
A: Dear Stuck in the Middle,
This is tough. You haven’t known this person for very long, but they are comfortable sleeping next to you. However, this person hasn’t tried to make a move of any kind yet (any move – not just sexually). Also, I’m not sure what to think about her sleeping in bed with you when she had a boyfriend. Why didn’t she tell you that she had a boyfriend before she first did so?
In the end, I guess it comes down to if you’re willing to lose this friendship just to see if she does have feelings for you. I would maybe ask her about her relationship with her boyfriend. If she says good things, I wouldn’t mention anything to her yet about having a crush on her because she wouldn’t be likely to leave him and things would get awkward between you and her.
Do you have any mutual friends that you can talk to about her? If so, maybe try to find out if she says anything about you? If she says bad things about her boyfriend, or leaves him, then I would take action. Maybe mention to her that you’re compatible in a light-hearted way, and when she does something you like say to her “man, I gotta find me a girl that can do that” and see how she reacts. If she seems interested, mention to her that you like her a little more than a friend.
I hope this goes over well for you!!
Shotgun
xoxox
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
