Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony3

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Squee and Clio

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I have this problem…every time I meet a potential girlfriend I end up in the “Friend Zone” and it sucks, hardcore. Just wanted to know how I can avoid this Twilight Zone friend anomaly thing. Thanks.

A: Wow, this is a toughie. I can see how you may find this situation frustrating, but I know I could never consider a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with anybody I couldn’t first feel a very strong friendship with. Surely being friends with someone is the perfect test as to whether you’d be compatible enough to take it further. If my boyfriend wasn’t one of my best friends, I wouldn’t be with him.

Maybe it’s time to take a step back and look at it from a different angle. If people like you and respect you enough to consider you a friend, surely that’s a great compliment! Of course, if you want more, it can be a bit gutting, but sadly enough, this is just a fact of life. Not everyone we fancy will fancy us back. I would embrace their offers of friendship and take them as a compliment. And look on the bright side, having a lot of female friends usually leads to meeting their female friends, increasing your chances of meeting that special someone!

Squee
Xxx

Q: So I guess my problems are:

I guess I’m a bit lost with all this…

A: Yikes, I’m sorry you’re in such a shitty place right now. Bad things really come in, well, fives in your case. I think it’s important to take things one day at a time and have something or someone to be there for you when it all gets too much; whether it’s a friend, a therapist or a diary to help clear your head.

Do you have a friend who also has experience with a loved one suffering from Alzheimer’s disease? It can be helpful talking to somebody who’s been through the same kind of ordeal. Your grandfather’s doctors should be able to give you advice on how to approach him depending on which stage(s) he might be in. And, needless to say, visit him while you still can and cherish the memories you have.

As for your grandmother, perhaps if you take her to someplace nice that doesn’t revolve around food it might take her mind off this and you can try shifting the conversation to a different topic. Has your mother addressed her issue(s) with your grandmother? I don’t know your living situation, but it sounds like it’s in her own best interest if she takes some distance to avoid getting more depressed. However, this is something between them that you can’t do much about except be supportive of your mother, and help relieve some of the stress she is currently under.

Out of all the things you’ve mentioned, your high standards are probably the only things that you alone can fix. You wanted to take the course enough to enroll for it, so what good is it going to be sabotaging your own efforts? Is being a quitter better than being a failure? If you’ve really lost all hope in yourself, find somebody who can help you point out your own best qualities when you’re feeling discouraged (a personal cheerleader, if you will) and that will keep you on track. Make a list of things you like about yourself and reasons why you can and will succeed. You don’t have to be a straight-A student, just do the best you can do and if you end up failing at least you know you did all you could.

As for your last problem; Accept that the ‘perfect’ partner is going to be just as flawed as you (maybe a little more or a little less), and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. The sooner you lower your expectations the more likely you are to find someone compatible. I used to think I had a ‘type’ but actually ended up having much better relationships with people who don’t fit the bill at all – and I’ve come to embrace that. Chances are that what works for you isn’t the same as what you’ve been looking for.

I hope things will get better for you and that maybe this can help you just a little bit with what you’re going through! Don’t give up.

Clio
xoxox

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com