Got Problems: Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony0

By SG’s Team Agony

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. I’m 21-years of age and I’ve been going through a lot. I’ve known a girl for about 8 years and we’ve always been off and on. We stopped talking for 3 years and when we started talking again in April I found out she had a baby. That didn’t bother me. She was no longer with the father of her son but they still kept in contact and her son was still able to see his dad every week. She and I decided to get together and I treated her son as if he was my own. I fell in love with her son – he made me feel so happy when I was around him.

I don’t know whether to move on or keep waiting. I can’t keep waiting forever, and that’s what it seems like I’ll do. I can’t deal knowing she’s sleeping with someone else with everything she and I have been through. My head is all over the place. She means a lot to me and I really thought that she was the one. I had my eye set on asking her to marry me one day, but of course I don’t see that happening anytime soon. Any advice that you girls could give me would mean a lot because I don’t want to do something I’d regret. I’ll be waiting to hear back from you. I appreciate the time. 🙂

A. Wow, I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this situation. I think this is one of those really tough times where you have to put yourself first and look at the facts. The fact that she’s sleeping in his bed crosses a line. If they were simply living together for the sake of the child until she was sorted out, and she had no feelings for him at all, I really don’t think they’d be sharing a bed. Surely she could sleep on a sofa if needed!

I can understand that you must have created a real bond with both her and her son, but in my honest opinion I really think you should take a step back from the situation. She’s sleeping with another man, she’s hurting you and she knows it. She’s using you for respect and emotional support, but you’re not getting that respect back and it really isn’t fair on you.

If she has told you to move on I really think you should. And yes, she may get jealous but that really is her problem. She made that choice. She may need a shoulder to cry on, but it’s not fair on you if it’s yours. These have all been her choices.

Get your phone out, call some friends, hang out with people away from the situation and you might just realize all she was actually offering you was a world of pain.

Stay strong,

Squee
Xxx

Q. Here’s the deal. This guy wants me to come visit him in NYC. Do I go see someone I’ve never actually met? He’s a friend of a friend, plus he’s a lot younger than me (14 years), and he is totally thinking I’m the hottest thing ever. Hmmm? Something wrong with that? Am I over-thinking? I’ve had horrible past relationships, so I’m very cautious. I do have a good guy friend close to NYC if he’s a weirdo. Should I go for it?

A. Girl, we live in the future, and the wide world of the interwebs has the wonderful capability of crossing two paths that would have normally been hundreds, or even thousands of miles apart. Keep in mind though that there’s always the odd bad apple out there, and sometimes they still look good on the outside. Since you’ve never met him in person, I think it’d be fair to assume that you probably can’t be completely comfortable in your judgment of his character just yet, so it’s definitely important to be on your guard. Having a friend in the area that you can call up if anything goes wrong is definitely a major plus. I’d suggest hanging out with him at first in a public place, and if you go out drinking with him, make sure you watch how much you’re sipping, because you don’t want to be put in a vulnerable position if he does end up being a creep. And if he’s not, you’re sure to have an awesome trip (and from the sounds of it, sure to get some awesome booty!). So I’d say, with the proper precautions, totally go for it. As for the age difference, it ain’t nothing but a number, baby! You can always teach him a trick or two ;]

Good luck!
xx
Eevie

Q. I’m a girl. I’m 21 and I’m attracted to boys and girls, but I’ve had bad experiences with the girl part. Like 5 years ago I fell in love with a girl from my high school, but I never had the courage to speak to her. She’s really difficult and she has really big problems with herself, but to me she’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. A year ago we started chatting and we discovered we had a lot in common. It was hard but we became friends in a really short time (though I didn’t want to). We went to the movies, we went to parties and we had a lot of conversations about women and that problem everyone has with themselves about falling in love with another person of the same sex. She told me her ex boyfriend thought she was bisexual and she didn’t know, and that I shouldn’t have this problem about falling in love with another girl. The other day we went to a party and we started kissing and ended up having drunk sex. I know she doesn’t care, but it was the most incredible time of my life. She was really cute and texted me really awesome things. I wanted to speak to her the next day and she told me she was feeling weird. Then yesterday she told me she didn’t wanted to see me because she didn’t know how she’s going to feel. I don’t want her to feel that way. I want to talk with her and tell her everything. I want us to have something incredible and make her happy… but I don’t know what to do anymore. ):

A. She probably doesn’t want to feel that way either. Unfortunately, no amount of trying to deny or combat her emotions is going to solve anything. The only way she will be able to learn and grow from this is to explore what she’s feeling in a safe, comfortable, and supportive environment. That environment may or may not include you.

Sadly, because what transpired between you two was the catalyst for her sudden emotional upset, all of the confusion, fear, and whatever else she doesn’t want to be feeling is attached to you. It isn’t your fault, and it isn’t hers either, but there isn’t much you can do about it.

If you want any chance of continuing any sort of relationship with her, do not try to force her to work through it with you or otherwise. It will only happen if and when she is ready – not when you want her to be. If she feels pressured by you, she will become increasingly distant. So let her know you had a great time with her, that it stirred up a lot of new and overwhelming feelings for you as well, and that you care a lot about her and would like to be there for her when she’s ready, no matter what kind of relationship you two end up having. Then respect her request for space and take a step back.

While she’s focusing on taking care of herself, take a cue from her Instead of lamenting over her and the “what ifs” and wondering what you could have done differently, etc., etc., take all the energy you’ve been putting towards worrying about her and her happiness towards yourself. Rediscover old hobbies you used to enjoy but have let fall by the wayside. Take the plunge and try something new that you’ve always wanted to do. Pamper yourself. Talk to a therapist if you feel advice from a skilled, unbiased third party would help. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and understanding and want you to be the best person you can be.

If she’s one of those people, she will find her way back into your life. If not, try to focus on the positive, knowing that your experience with her led to the discovery of such an important part of yourself.

Best wishes on your journey.

Yours in Agony,
Noir

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com