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Mar 2011 03

by Laurelin

Missy recently posted something on SuicideGirls that got me thinking. She asked us to make videos of how SG has changed our lives, what it meant to us and how it has shaped our pasts and futures. Even though I am not a Suicide Girl (not for lack of trying!), I couldn’t help but think back on everything that SG has brought to my life…

I remember the first time I ran across SuicideGirls like it was yesterday. It was 2005, and I was at Newbury Comics, happily clutching some Tori Amos CD singles and a pair of fuzzy leopard dice to hang from my review mirror. A book caught my eye. There was a topless girl with tiny black pigtails, looking quite surly staring back at me from the cover. “She’s adorable,” I thought. The inside pages carried a strong statement, one that is captivating to alternative women of all ages, races and body types. Most of us have spent our entire lives feeling like we don’t belong. These girls looked like they didn’t fit in either. They were covered in tattoos, some had pink hair, others seemed to have more metal than skin – but in that, they were perfect. And naked. In front of everyone!

I signed up for SuicideGirls.com right away as soon as I got home that day. I was instantly drawn to the celebrity and band interviews, the articles and blogs, the groups that catered to every type of interest where you could meet and chat with like-minded people, and, of course, the slew of tattooed and pierced girls bearing it all. None of them were your typical model type. They looked like me – and they inspired me.

As the years went by, the SG community became a huge part of my life. When I moved to Boston and didn’t know anyone, it was girls I knew from SG who stepped up and took me to bars and parties, introducing me to their friends and their lives. That was it – I wanted in. To this date I have shot sets all over the place, from clothing boutiques to nightclubs and hallways in Ohio during tornados. I am still a “Hopeful,” which is the name given to girls that have yet to gain “Suicide Girl” status, but even without the official title, being naked on SG is right up my alley.

It’s not a lifestyle choice that a lot of people understand. Some of my girlfriends think I’m crazy, others bold. Some think I’ll regret it later in life, and to them I say it’s already been five years, and it’s brought nothing but joy and opportunity. . I had always admired SuicideGirlsBlog.com, and I finally got up the nerve to send a sample in, and from this came my column “Life Beyond The Bar Scene.” With a few articles under my belt and people responding well, I sent samples in to a local Boston publication called The Weekly Dig and pitched a similar idea- and now I am sent all over the city to review and write about Boston bars and events. When I met my Dig editor he held my resume and gushed, “We LOVE SuicideGirls!” Who says you can’t move up on the corporate ladder and be naked online too? I have never been this comfortable with who I am and the skin I’m in. (The skin that over a million people have seen for a small monthly fee.)

Telling my ex-boyfriend about SG was something else. He looked at me quizzically as I pulled up one of my photos and told him I had something to tell him. He smiled and patted me on the head and said, “You and your strange hobbies. Whatever makes you happy.” I was so relieved. He was even understanding a few weeks later when I was recognized at one of the bars we were having lunch at. “Holy shit,” the guy sitting next to us said. “I KNOW you!” I turned bright red and smiled, and my ex laughed so hard that his beer nearly came spurting out his nose. Such support.

I love my body. I love putting beer and bad decisions into my body. Maybe this choice, like most others I have made, is a bad one, but I think if it brings me something worthwhile each day, it’s the right one for me. It could be that guy from lunch secretly paying my bar tab, or some person from Italy sending me a message that says, “Great tits.” Either way, thank you SG, for putting real girls on your front page that would make any Allston hipster swoon, and for giving me and my T&A somewhere public to call home. It is a fine home, and one that I don’t plan on leaving any time soon.

Trackbacks

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