Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Play On Playa’33
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Booze,Food & Drink,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by Laurelin
I have always loved a challenge. Who doesn’t love to be tested to the limits, and pushed beyond their comfort zone to see if they can rise to the occasion and be successful? The human mind and body can be pushed, and the reward is sometimes nothing more than the personal satisfaction of knowing you did it. Take rock climbing for example. I started a while ago after reading John Krakauer’s Into Thin Air. I thought that the climber’s concept of ‘mind over matter’ when it comes to physical activity was fascinating. To be able to push on and keep going when every muscle in your body is screaming for rest, to be halfway up a mountain (or in my case, a rock wall in a gym) and know that if you stop, you fall, and you might die.
When I’m climbing everything in the world goes silent; all you can think about it putting one leg in front of the other and pushing up to find the next finger hold. You must go on. Failure is not an option. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I find myself searching out similar challenges when it comes to men and dating. I crave a chase and hopefully big payoff. The guys I fall for usually have something wrong with them that I think I can fix, some undesirable quality that I convince myself I find endearing, something that makes things absolutely more difficult than it needs to be.
During my freshman year of college over a decade ago, I fell for one of the biggest “players” I had ever come across. This guy was a disaster, pledging a fraternity and totally dedicated to his brothers, but not at all to his school work, running though women like his life depended on it. And all the while, I was chasing after him, spending too much time with him, then watching him with other girls and feeling terrible. There had to be a real person under there somewhere. I was going to find him, and he was going to fall in love with me and stop all that crazy behavior. I could do this, I knew it.
I put up with a lot choosing that path, but through some act of God that’s exactly what happened. That guy turned out to be a wonderful person. We did fall in love. He shaped up, figured things out and while things didn’t work out with the long run, something clicked in my head that made me think, “You can do it! You’re different, and these broken men will see that, and everyone will live happily ever after! It happened once!”
Clearly once ten years ago shouldn’t set any sort of precedent, but it did; I am still a sucker for a challenge. I want the broken ones, I want the ones who don’t want to settle down, I want to have to work hard for my payoff. That has essentially meant I spend a lot of time heartbroken, wondering what I did wrong, what I should have said, what I should have done, how can I fix my own game for next time (maybe I shouldn’t have sent that goodnight text, now he thinks I’m clingy).
My friend Stephanie and I were going for coffee the other day and talking. “When did dating become this game?” She said. “It’s always about leaving them wanting more, not saying anything that makes you sound crazy, not texting too much or not enough, it’s not normal!”
“It’s not the game, it’s the players.” I said. It’s true. We meet all the wrong people, or we ourselves are someone else’s wrong people. The game has started playing us, and when it’s not, we keep making the same wrong moves over and over. I’d say I was getting tired of it, but I’m not. Failure is not an option until I fall off that proverbial relationship mountain, and when I do, I just get back up and keep trying. It’s exhausting and exhilarating, lots of bumps and bruises with only minimal positive results. Always reaching for that next finger hold.
“I give up, I swear,” Stephanie says. “Game over.”
“I don’t know…” I say, smiling. “You’re probably right. But did I tell you I met someone the other night? He has a reputation of being a bit of a player, but I like him and I think he likes me…”
When it comes to this game, this player is all in.
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[…] Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Play On Playa’ Life Beyond the Bar Scene: How to Lose a Girl in Ten Minutes Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Naked Laurelin Reading Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Healthy Relationships are for Boring People and Other Mishaps Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Letting Go Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Does it Exist? Life Beyond the Bar Scene: The Dating Game Life Beyond the Bar Scene: After a Few Beers Everyone Looks Good and Other Love Stories Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Getting Naked With Laurelin Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Seven Days and Seven Nights of Sobriety Life Beyond the Bar Scene: When it’s Time to Move On Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Starting Over and Other Stupid Resolutions Life Beyond the Bar Scene: He Broke Up with Me on a Post-it and Other Travesties Life Beyond the Bar Scene: The End of Four Loko As We Know It Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Boston’s Top 5 Dives […]
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