Silly Bandz Vs. My Wallet3

by Brett Warner

My younger brother used to play softball and during the games, I would wander about the nearby train tracks or bum around in the small playground. (My main concern that summer was whether Agent Mulder could really be dead — he wasn’t, though in retrospect it might have been wiser for my then favorite show to go out while it was still ahead.) One day, there was another young kid on the swing set and he had this small, red, egg-shaped video game on a key chain. It had a funny name and my fifth grade eyes glazed over as he explained how the thing worked. “These are gonna be the next Beanie Babies,” he promised. I think I probably told him that was stupid. Shows what I know.

Fast forward 13 years, where I’m at 7-11 watching a cluster of fifth or sixth grade kids going apeshit over packages of dinosaur shaped rubber bands. If you don’t have children or make a general effort to avoid them, you may not be aware of the current Silly Bandz craze. Unlike Pogs or Beanie Babies, there’s no added gimmick that I’m aware of. What you see is exactly what you get: rainbow colored rubber. While I’ll contest that the Tamagotchi had a bit more to it, these kids have reminded me that 1.) we’re all stupid, and 2.) we’re twice as stupid when we go shopping.

A major component of the Silly Bandz phenomena — I have to imagine, since I don’t dare question the logic of an eleven-year old—is the age-old pressure to fit in with friends and classmates. When you watch these kids beg and plead with their wage-earning parents, you can see it in their eyes: “If I don’t have some of these, I will be fucked. For life.” However, the irrational desire for desultory objects doesn’t seem to fade with age– If anything, it gets worse. Recently, I found myself halfway to the checkout counter with a Blu-Ray copy of Spike Jonze’s Where the Wild Things Are. Thankfully, before throwing away $29.99 plus tax—debit card silently screaming at me—my brain turned back on and I remembered that I don’t have a Blu-Ray player… but might, some day. Best to be prepared?

Anyone with disposable income and too much time on their hands knows exactly what I’m talking about: we buy all kinds of shit that not only do we not need, but doesn’t make any rational sense to own. Those with informed opinions like to blame Wall Street for the financial collapse, but I blame Silly Bandz… and Snuggies… and deluxe edition DVDs with a bonus disc of never before seen footage that was cut very intentionally by well-seasoned Hollywood professionals. I don’t pretend to have an answer to why we do it. Is there just some intrinsic thrill to spending money when you don’t have to? Going to the record store is a lot more fun than paying the electric bill, but when checks start bouncing and your extra copy of Watchmen is laughing at you from high up on the book shelf… shouldn’t we have learned our lesson?

Buried up to my neck in student loan debt, I shudder to think of all the allowance money I blew on Goosebumps books and Warheads sour candy when I was a kid. It would be easy (and sensible) to say it was all for nothing… but secretly, I’d do it all over again. I’ve looked at Silly Bandz from both sides now and instead of telling these kids they’re wasting time and money, I’d encourage them to enjoy this sort of thing now, before the shopper’s guilt and credit card bills ruin the experience of finding a little extra joy in something so small.