May 2013 26

by D.S. Wood

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford says to media, May 24, “I do not use crack cocaine.”

He says, “Nor am I an addict of crack cocaine.”

He says, “I cannot comment on a video that I have never seen or does not exist.”

He chalks it up to being judged by the media without any evidence. He calls it nonsense, a comment not far removed from the last time he addressed allegations against him, eight days ago now, when he called it ridiculous.

Eight days now into the “Holy God, the Mayor of Toronto clearly smokes crack because three folks say they seen video of it, seen it real good” scandal, yet there is still no video we can watch.

Latecomers, the night of May 16, Gawker’s John Cook said he saw video of Mayor Evil Chris Farley smoking crack.

The same night, the Toronto Star’s Kevin Donovan and Robyn Doolittle said they saw the same video.

Neither party obtained a copy of said video to show you, mind you. But that didn’t stop them from writing it up, hoping no one would ask for… you know… proof.

Eight days later, stuff’s happened — is happening.

None of said stuff is the alleged video surfacing.

Most of said stuff amounts to one large, lit sign we’re probably not going to see a video. Ever.

Gawker’s efforts to get its hands on the alleged video involve a crowdfunding campaign it calls a crackstarter — which currently stands around $25K shy of the $200K they claim the shady Somali drug dealers in possession of the alleged video are demanding.

However, there’s a snag. John Cook, folks:

“The last time we established contact with the people who are in possession of the video was this past Sunday, and we have not been able to reach them since.

“As we mentioned when we launched the campaign, folks who are involved in the crack trade tend not to be the most reliable people in the world. This has proven to be the case when it comes to the owner of the video of Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine.”

So who bet on, “Deal with dealers proves problematic” as the most likely possible outcome? Anybody?

It’s either that or the crackstarter hits its goal, and someone gets on a plane with $200K to be delivered to shady Somali drug dealers, and I’m not quite sure why it would be figured — by anyone, like, ever — that could possibly work out for the better.

The “this past Sunday” Cook spoke of was seven days ago now, by the way. The video — if there is a video — is likely gone, because the person trying to unload it probably wanted to do so before it became monologue-fodder for late-night television comedians.

Gawker and the Star blew their loads much too early and much too loudly.

And if this is all real and is indeed a thing, well, exactly how many crack dealers do we figure a person has? Just saying.

There is no one who wants to be that guy right now. Least of all that guy.

None of this is to say that even without proof this video exists there hasn’t been damage done. There has.

Ford told at least one lie at that press conference, May 24.

Everyone figures it was, “I do not use crack cocaine nor am I an addict of crack cocaine.”

And… you know… maybe.

But the one we know for sure is, “It’s business as usual at city hall.”

It’s not.

Ford has been a ghost this past week, leaving others to cover in his absence.

He was fired as volunteer football coach for Don Brosco Catholic high and he fired his chief of staff Mark Towhey in some form of fit — media outlets say it’s because Towhey tried to make him go to rehab and he said… well, you know.

Half of his council is screaming for his head. The other half is concerned where his head is at.

And coverage of news that cannot be proven to be news continues.

Professional spectator and deadline artist, D.S. Wood (@maddesperado) is a Canuck journalist and, on occasion, also a writer of Other Things.

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