Talk Nerdy To Me Lover…And Worship My Feet While You’re At It: How Exploring The Fetish World Is Helping Me Find My Voice4

by Jen Friel

On Twitter a week and a half ago I jokingly tweeted out that I hoped the next guy I dated had a foot fetish so I could get my feet rubbed. See, I recently started jogging in the morning and while my booty is getting into shape nicely, my feet are suffering from the extra pavement pounding.

What I didn’t expect from that one tweet however was the OVERWHELMING demand from guys actually wanting to help. Now, I know from a dear friend of mine who is formerly a porn star that feet are the number three fetish, just behind butts and boobs (pun intended) – but I had yet to actually find a guy to date that was into it. I then received an EXTREMELY heartfelt email that changed everything for me.

Here’s the actual email, in which the sender explains his history…

Hi Jen,

Because you’re interested in having me massage your feet, and intrigued by foot fetishism in general, I wanted to tell you about my foot fetish history.

For as long as I can remember, I was preoccupied by women’s feet. When my parents female friends would visit the house, I would stare at their feet. I was equally obsessed with the feet of girls my own age. I have always loved women’s feet. And my submissive impulses were already there as early as 3 years old: I had fantasies of being a butler, a servant. I had one babysitter who would plop down on the couch and I’d bring her drinks and snacks and she would rest her feet on my face while she watched TV. Good gig for her. But I was happy; I needed feet in my face – even back then.

By the time I was actually kissing girls and fooling around, the fetishism and submissive tendencies were completely buried. It’s interesting to note that VERY EARLY ON, i realized this was considered to be weird and taboo. So my sex life was normal through my teens.

My junior year of college was the first time I lived away from home and had access to the internet. I immediately began exploring my fantasies online. This was the late ‘90s and the internet was new to me.

I looked up foot fetish and BDSM porn and I realized I wasn’t alone in my desires. I had also found a book in Barnes & Nobles called Different Loving. It was a sympathetic view of power exchange / BDSM interactions with many personal essays. It shocked my system. I read almost the entire thing right there in the aisle. But I still felt intensely shameful. I felt like a creep, like a loser. And of course, there are plenty of people out there who would say that foot fetishists are indeed creeps, losers, or worse (is this online? – just look at the comments below).

Fast-forward a few years. I had moved to New York City. And much like I responded to your “foot fetish / I want my feet massaged” post, I wrote an email to a professional Dominatrix who lived in Manhattan. We arranged to meet. I went over to her “studio” where she conducted her BDSM sessions. We discussed my interests. And long story short, she made me her “houseboy.” This wasn’t a professional arrangement. I wasn’t her client. This was a personal, mistress/slave thing.

For over 5 years – FIVE YEARS ! – once a week, I would go over to either her studio or her apartment, sometimes both, and clean for her. I would run errands. I would give her massages. And she would reward all of this service by allowing me to worship her feet. The arrangement ended when I moved out here to Los Angeles.

I’m still in touch with my former Mistress. And she was instrumental in encouraging me to be honest with my current girlfriend. Instead of being secretive, I was able to be honest and up front about my desires. Listening to the Savage Love podcast didn’t hurt either; I could hear Dan Savage calling me a “piece of shit asshole” if I tried on the idea of going to see a Dominatrix behind my girlfriend’s back – and he would have been correct to call me that.

So after years of shame and secrecy, I did the unthinkable and came clean to my GF. I told her that I have a foot fetish, that I have the desire to be dominated by other women. And I explained that this was a compartmentalized impulse, distinct from the romantic love and sex we shared.

Guess what: She completely understood and gave me her blessing. It was life changing. Someone I loved more than anyone in the world was accepting me for who I am.

It made something that I admit is weird feel more normal. Everyday, since my girlfriend’s acceptance of me, I’ve felt more healthy, true, and peaceful.
My biggest epiphany was that this was really about humiliation. I’m someone who requires humiliation to feel sexual. So someone ordering me to pick up a coffee or dry cleaning and then allowing me to get on the floor and pamper their feet while they relax or work – that really does it for me.

BTW: you can Wikipedia this shit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_humiliation

I hope all of this intrigues you. Let me add one more thing…

It’s really, deeply upsetting that foot fetishists or people into BDSM or whatever are considered to be FREAKS. If you Googled “foot fetish” or do a key word search in Twitter, I’m sure there are people saying tons of negative shit.

You can’t choose what gets you off. There are kids killing themselves because they’re gay and they’re in environments where being gay is shit on, where they’re told they’re going to burn in hell, or that they’re just plain freaks. Sexual shame is seriously intense.

The people who are quick to shit on foot fetishists – calling them freaks, or leaping to an even more absurd presumption that they’re dangerous – I bet a ton of those people would be quick to be like, ‘Of course it’s OK to be gay!’ Meanwhile, not realizing that people who have foot fetishes are just as hurt and shameful and often closeted because of their desires. There is an absolute parallel. (And look: I have to admit that foot fetishists do creepy things. But I believe this is a result of being closeted and desperate. I get that there’s a reason for this reputation. I guess I’m just saying it’s a shame.)

So you have no idea how grateful I’ve been in my life to meet people who are like, “Let me get this straight: you’re going to worship me like a Goddess, I don’t have to say ‘thank you’ or even be nice, and in return all you want is my feet? GREAT.: It is pretty fucking great and mutually rewarding if you have an open mind.

This is long. I could say a lot more. But I hope foot fetishism continues to intrigue you and that you see it can be pretty cool.

How awesome is that? He’s so upfront and honest – but I could FEEL the shame bleeding onto my monitor. This man was so closeted with his fetish and desperately seeking an outlet.

We outlined each of our boundaries and after about 40 emails back and forth, we finally agreed to meet at a public place last Friday.

I have to say this experience hands down changed my life. He approached me in the park with sunglasses and a hat on, but quickly asked me if he could put on his hood. “Yes,” I said, noticing that other people weren’t around (and even if they were – I didn’t care).

He then went to town for about a half an hour rubbing not just the base of my feet, but also in between my toes and all the way up my calf. I watched his body shake as he found certain “sweet spots” – and while having my feet rubbed does nothing for me sexually, in this moment it allowed me to explore the dominant side of my personality. Here is this guy laying on the grass literally WORSHIPING my feet and my only job was to ignore him and be as mean to him as possible.

FYI, I literally do not have a mean bone in my body. I’m pretty much all about jelly beans and rainbows twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, constantly seeing the bright side of things. In this moment, and in this position, I got to explore the dark side and all I can say is that I WANT MORE!!!

It was so liberating being so…bitchy. There is clearly a side of my personality that I had suppressed – much like this guy and his fetish. I can’t wait to get more into it and really let the dominant side of my personality come out to play.

This relationship is TOTALLY beneficial for both of us and I only hope this post can inspire more women to do the same. Here I am thinking foot fetish guys are “creepy” and in fact I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s also helping me grow and become a better person by exploring a place of discomfort.

Foot fetish guys aren’t “creepy” ladies – they are just closeted. Why not explore the dark side yourself? Who knows, like me, you may enjoy it!

If feet are your thing, you may want to join our Foot Fetish Friends of SG group.

Jen Friel is a lifecaster and corporate sponsored minimalist. She went out on over 103 dates in 9 months while couch surfing for a year building her website and bartering social media to live. Consequently, she’s an accidental expert on online dating. You can read all about her ongoing adventures on OKCupid at TalkNerdyToMeLover.com and follow them on Twitter.

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