I have always loved a challenge. Who doesn’t love to be tested to the limits, and pushed beyond their comfort zone to see if they can rise to the occasion and be successful? The human mind and body can be pushed, and the reward is sometimes nothing more than the personal satisfaction of knowing you did it. Take rock climbing for example. I started a while ago after reading John Krakauer’s Into Thin Air. I thought that the climber’s concept of ‘mind over matter’ when it comes to physical activity was fascinating. To be able to push on and keep going when every muscle in your body is screaming for rest, to be halfway up a mountain (or in my case, a rock wall in a gym) and know that if you stop, you fall, and you might die.
When I’m climbing everything in the world goes silent; all you can think about it putting one leg in front of the other and pushing up to find the next finger hold. You must go on. Failure is not an option. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I find myself searching out similar challenges when it comes to men and dating. I crave a chase and hopefully big payoff. The guys I fall for usually have something wrong with them that I think I can fix, some undesirable quality that I convince myself I find endearing, something that makes things absolutely more difficult than it needs to be.
During my freshman year of college over a decade ago, I fell for one of the biggest “players” I had ever come across. This guy was a disaster, pledging a fraternity and totally dedicated to his brothers, but not at all to his school work, running though women like his life depended on it. And all the while, I was chasing after him, spending too much time with him, then watching him with other girls and feeling terrible. There had to be a real person under there somewhere. I was going to find him, and he was going to fall in love with me and stop all that crazy behavior. I could do this, I knew it.
For Part Two of my Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Polyamory series (see Part I with Annie Sprinkle here), I spoke with Tristan Taormino, author of Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. In addition to being the princess of polyamory, Double T is also one of the most coveted safe and kinky sex educators around. She travels all over the nation to spread her sex positive message, and is a huge catalyst in the pleasurable-anal-sex-for-women movement. Yes, there’s a movement. (Responsible for bringing the back door to your backyard.) This feminist and erotic guru is not only outspoken, but makes talking about sex almost as fun as doing it! So much so, that she is now directing sex ed vids for Vivid Enterainment!
Grab a beverage, your lover or vibrator and buckle up for this one. It’s going to be a mind-blowing ride.
Q:I love my wife and we’ve almost been married a year now. I find myself less and less attracted to her physically and I’m not sure why. She is a gorgeous woman with beautiful features. The only thing I can think of is maybe the medicine I’m on is contributing to this, or the fact that she’s put on some weight. I basically have to force myself to have sex with her or we won’t have it at all. Maybe it’s because right after we got married I basically had to beg for sex and never got it so now I’m not willing to try? I’m worried. I’m finding myself more and more attracted to other women, and I’m hardly interested in her even if she throws herself at me. Please help me.
It’s been a long time, Gentlemen. But it seems you are still in need of my guidance in all things Gentlemanly. So, I am back. And I’m here to talk to you about a very scary and serious place: The Friend Zone.
Or, more specifically, I’m here to talk to you about how you are the one sticking your own head in that particular trap, time and time again.
Q: I want to get my boyfriend back. We were only together for a short time, but I so want him back. He has another girlfriend. I love spending time with him. We were close friends before, so I thought we would make it as a couple. One day his grandpa died and he stopped talking to me altogether. I thought I had done something wrong. It hurt so bad, I cried so loud I woke my mom up. Is it normal for guys to just stop talking to you all at once?
Q: How does a shy guy like me talk to an angel? For the longest time, I have been enjoying the most intense dreams of a SG kind of girl. All emo with tattoos and such. Gush….
This has been going on in my thoughts and dreams even before I discovered this wonderful site. It is almost as if I found my way this far for a reason.
Now with that said, I am in a horrible marriage. Ten years have gone by now. If it were not for the fact that we have an 8-year old daughter, I would have dumped her years ago.
Do you think it is possible to find the gal of my dreams here on SG? And if so, how do I approach the subject of me being married but not happy and ready to jump ship?
