by Bob Suicide

A study which purported to highlight the equality among the sexes when it comes to computer gaming was recently published in the uber-reliable Daily Mail. The survey was funded by the scientifically-minded, and above-bias team at Doritos, which lends further credence to the findings.

That’s right, Doritos. Now why would the chip company — known philanthropically funding scientific discovery in key areas such as how to make ranch “cooler” — waste it’s time researching women’s interest in computer games when it could be curing cancer, you say? Well, it doesn’t have anything to do with the recent launch of their own online computer game: Doritos Dip Desperado. No sir.

I’m honestly surprised that the survey didn’t find that “women say that computer games taste great and are less filling than the leading chip brand,” it’s that blatantly obvious this is a sad marketing ploy. But what the press release of an article did say was:

That while 50 per cent of men readily admit to frequent online gaming, a surprising 49 per cent of women confess that they too are addicted to Internet games.

And while men spend 22.3 per cent of their time online playing games, women trump them, whiling away 23.2 per cent of their time online playing games.

Revealingly, the study showed that not only are women just as keen on gaming as men — but that the majority would rather spend time playing on their gadgets than having sex.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Jaeci, Yesenia and Fabrizia

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I’ve been in a relationship for about 3 years now. We had a hard start but things were good for a while. About a year ago, we had our last big fight, which was caused by her jealously.

Any ideas of how to just get things done without any blood?

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by Laurelin

Now that summer is in full swing, I can’t help but shake my head thinking of how quickly things change, how we shape our lives and how easy it really is to choose our own paths. I like the idea of fate and destiny — the little girl in me still believes in fairy tales and hopeless romance, but in truth, I like the idea that it’s not in the hands of something greater. We are that something greater.

Last summer I was someone else. I was working at a different bar, sadly spending my days working a job I hated, gazing out the windows at everyone walking by with beach gear and wishing I was one of those laughing girls in sundresses. I would go home faithfully every night, crawl in bed and wait for my boyfriend to come home. I ordered dinner for two, drank dirty martinis and let him pay for dinner because his bar was always busy and mine wasn’t. We went to parties, stayed up late laughing and drinking, we slept in every morning we could, and I swear, there were some days where I didn’t care to even get out of bed; I could spend forever like that, hiding from daylight and waiting for our night to fall again.

He was my life, and after we broke up this past September, I dreaded the coming summer because it had always been ours, and now I would be alone. I didn’t think I could face it without him. As time went on and I started healing that feeling got a little easier. Soon it wasn’t sadness that I wouldn’t be with him, but almost…fear of spending the summer flying solo. I had spent the past year learning to be on my own and all of a sudden it occurred to me that I had truly learned to love it. I flirted, went after what I wanted with no fear of rejection, I dated, and I dated people that weren’t right for me ON PURPOSE. Soon I was so excited for my “Boys of Summer.” The warm weather was here, the sun shone just for me, and where as last summer was ours, it never occurred to me that this summer, for the first time in a long time was mine.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Salome, Dorsal, and Morgan

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I am 25 years of age. When I was 18 I used to be the kid that played every sport you can imagine. I was not a jock though. I never made fun of kids. In fact I would get along with everyone – skaters, stoners, gangbangers, etc. At 18 I had a chance to play college basketball and I went to get a physical. I complained I had a little pain in my back when I ran and so forth, so the doctor suggested I get an X-ray. I come to found out I have Scheuermann’s disease and spinal stenosis. The first thing I said was, “Can I still play ball?” The doctor said “no” because if I took too hard of a hit I could get paralyzed. I said, “Well shit you that just ruined my life.” The doctor also told me he couldn’t perform surgery because it would just make it worse.

I’m in a catch 22 here ladies. I have thought about this for a long time. Hope you can go ahead and give me an answer. I really want a girl’s point of view.

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by Damon Martin

Republican Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann doesn’t like porn, abortion, or promiscuity. She hates it so much, she’s signed a pledge to prove it! The essence of the pledge is that the candidates who sign it must commit to upholding the oaths contained within should they make it to office, which means Bachmann is now 100% committed to ending both abortion and pornography (it’ll be interesting to see how she’ll legislate against promiscuity – will sex before marriage become a custodial offense?).

On Friday, Bachmann put her signature on ‘The Marriage Vow – A Declaration of Dependence upon Marriage and Family‘ a two-page document authored by Iowa pastor Bob Vander Plaats.

Vander Plaats is actually trying to get all presidential candidates to sign his wacky pledge, which calls for a ban on pornography, and contains verbiage condemning gay marriage, while also suggesting that the African American family unit was better off during slavery.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Clio, Squee and Elea

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: My boyfriend seems to drink a lot. He’s very sensitive when I try to talk about it, but he’ll spend nights in by himself getting drunk. Not only that, but he plays an awful lot of Xbox, daily as soon as he gets home from work and all weekend (we live together).

I just don’t know what to do anymore. Please help.

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by Laurelin

I have always loved a challenge. Who doesn’t love to be tested to the limits, and pushed beyond their comfort zone to see if they can rise to the occasion and be successful? The human mind and body can be pushed, and the reward is sometimes nothing more than the personal satisfaction of knowing you did it. Take rock climbing for example. I started a while ago after reading John Krakauer’s Into Thin Air. I thought that the climber’s concept of ‘mind over matter’ when it comes to physical activity was fascinating. To be able to push on and keep going when every muscle in your body is screaming for rest, to be halfway up a mountain (or in my case, a rock wall in a gym) and know that if you stop, you fall, and you might die.

When I’m climbing everything in the world goes silent; all you can think about it putting one leg in front of the other and pushing up to find the next finger hold. You must go on. Failure is not an option. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I find myself searching out similar challenges when it comes to men and dating. I crave a chase and hopefully big payoff. The guys I fall for usually have something wrong with them that I think I can fix, some undesirable quality that I convince myself I find endearing, something that makes things absolutely more difficult than it needs to be.

During my freshman year of college over a decade ago, I fell for one of the biggest “players” I had ever come across. This guy was a disaster, pledging a fraternity and totally dedicated to his brothers, but not at all to his school work, running though women like his life depended on it. And all the while, I was chasing after him, spending too much time with him, then watching him with other girls and feeling terrible. There had to be a real person under there somewhere. I was going to find him, and he was going to fall in love with me and stop all that crazy behavior. I could do this, I knew it.

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