by Steven Whitney

A few weeks ago, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives in Michigan sought to force into law some of the most restrictive anti-choice legislation in our country – placing onerous regulations on abortion providers and banning all abortions after 20 weeks.

Rep. Lisa Brown objected on religious grounds, arguing that her Jewish faith allowed for therapeutic abortions when the mother’s life is in danger, without regard to the length of pregnancy. And, during a heated debate on women’s reproductive health, she actually uttered the word “vagina.”

The reaction was swift – Republicans were so shocked by the word that Brown was banned from speaking on the floor for “violating the decorum of the House.”

“What she said was offensive,” said Republican Mike Callton. “It was so disgusting, so vile, I don’t even want to say it in front of women. I would not say that in mixed company.”

In the next day’s Detroit Free Press, Brown retorted: “If they are going to legislate my anatomy, I see no reason why I can’t mention it. After all, it is the medically correct term.”

If I were a woman I’d ask myself how anyone who thinks the word vagina is “vile and disgusting” could cast an unbiased vote on issues relating to women’s health care. But I’m not, and since these squeamish Republicans seem caught in a Peter Pan syndrome that forbids them from ever growing up, they need help in finding a word sufficiently acceptable for – well, you know – that thing…down there. Otherwise, the ages old Battle between the Sexes might just become a full-blown GOP War on Women.

Obviously, the c-word isn’t suitable. First of all, Republicans believe the c-word is compromise and, secondly, if vagina offends them, the actual c-word would give these pussies cardiac arrest.

Browsing through several online and hard copy thesauruses, there are literally hundreds (perhaps thousands) of street synonyms listed for vagina, some complimentary – slang like sugar, honey pot, sweet spot, tunnel of love – and others too vulgar to print in a family column. Some are neither naughty nor nice, but none really fill the bill, especially considering the unwanted trans-vaginal ultrasounds the GOP intends to force on women who want abortions – calling them trans-poontang scans would be a hard sell.

There’s less good news in the second most spoken language in America. The Spanish word for vagina is…la vagina. The same damn word, with the added insult of a feminine article preceding it. Feminine words in the esteemed halls of Congress – you must be kidding.

Of course, there are hundreds of Spanish street expressions, but just like in English there are none that fit every woman. While I can indeed envision Sarah Palin referring to her chocha, especially during one of those wild voodoo dance ceremonies which exorcises demons, I cannot see the more distinguished Senator Olympia Snowe calling hers a hoo-hoo.

So synonyms in either language fall short of our goal.

What if we used a symbolic representation – perhaps… a flower? Certainly not a Venus Fly Trap – Republicans are already too scared to even say the v-word, much less picture themselves devoured by it. We need something less threatening – say, an American Rose. It’s beautiful and opens wide in the morning sun. What more could any Republican want? But alas, a rose by any other name is still a rose. So that’s a wash.

Something from the internet? How about a yahoo? No, that’s what most Republicans shout when they finally get into a vagina…with the noted exception of the K Street mob. Or google? Sorry, but that would inalterably change the whole meaning of “googling” someone before a first date.

Maybe the art world has the answer. Like calling it an O’Keefe – or perhaps just a Georgia – as tribute to the woman who painted so much flora resembling the object of our attention. Then again, when Republicans actually look at her work, they find it “disturbing.”

A Picasso might be good, but he lived in France too long and we know the GOP considers all things French to be tres vulgaire. A Klimt sounds almost right – not many Republicans know what a real Klimt is anyway. Unfortunately, he was Viennese and the GOP probably wants its v-word moniker to sound American. Besides, another Viennese – Sigmund Freud – messed up their heads with all that dirty sex stuff when they were kids.

Since none of these suffice, perhaps the best possible solution is to rename the vagina after an esteemed servant of the people – like calling a hundred dollar bill a Benji because Benjamin Franklin’s picture adorns it.

Wait a second, I think we’re onto something…I’ve got it! A true eureka moment!

Eric Cantor!!

His last name is short and flexible and he’s undoubtedly the biggest actual c-word in Congressional history. Republicans everywhere could now speak openly about a woman’s cantor, even their infections (cantoritis) or cantoral discharges without fear of – as Rick Santorum would say – throwing up all over themselves in abject disgust. And, you have to admit, even trans-cantoral ultrasounds has a certain je ne sais quoi ring to it.

Eric Cantor himself should be proud. Examining his record and agenda, it’s clear that he has long aimed to become the public face of the c-word…and now it’s within his grasp. And how could any other Republican object? More than half the people on earth have one of these things and now it’s going to be rebranded as a cantor, in honor of one of their own.

It’s the perfect vagina solution.

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Fighting Back Part 3: Fighting Fire With Fire
When The Past Is Prologue
Fighting Back Part 2: Defining Rovian Politics
Fighting Back
The Electoral Scam
Being Fair
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America: Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown.
Gotcha!

by Lee Camp

Could the European currency that looks like Monopoly money’s ugly cousin actually be a weapon designed to gut labor laws and environmental regulations?!? No?!? That would be a crazy conspiracy meant for a crazy man when he’s having one of his crazy conversations between him and a bewildered dog…Oh, except the dude who created the Euro said so…This probably sounds more confusing than it is. Watch the video, and it will all make sense. I use orgies as an analogy.

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by A.J. Focht

In the hours following the carnage that took place at the Century 16 movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, there was a remarkable flood of moving reactions from across the internet. It’s been more than a week since that awful night, and online communities remain one of the greatest allies for the victims.

Seventy of the innocent movie goers that entered Theater 9 excited to enjoy The Dark Knight Rises, ended the tragic evening either spread out among seven local area hospitals or in the morgue because of wounds inflicted by gunfire. Many of the victims were in serious or critical condition, and a total of twelve didn’t survive that night. Doctors and surgeons scrambled to help all of the victims, but their efforts were hindered by a blood shortage. Websites such as Lets’s Be Friends Again helped promote an emergency call for blood in this time of need.

A well-intentioned, if somewhat misguided, viral post requesting that Christian Bale visit the victims also did the rounds on Facebook. With dozens hospitalized in need of blood, a celebrity appearance was what the city wanted, but not what the city needed. More groups rose up and made efforts online to promote blood donation. Social media kept the blood drives fresh on everyone’s mind as the feeds were filled with images and articles encouraging donations.

It wasn’t just blood the patients in the hospital were in dire need of though. Many of the injured were without health insurance. A local standup comedian, Caleb Medley, was shot in the face that night. His medical bills quickly rose well into six figures; all the while, his wife Katie was in labor with their baby, Hugo. The family doesn’t have insurance and they fear the bills the young couple could be facing will haunt them for the rest of their lives. CalebMedley.com was established to accept donations to help ease the couple’s medical bill burden. With the help of social media, the story was picked up by major news organizations.

Caleb isn’t the only victim accumulating mountains of medical debt. A week after the shootings, twelve people remained in hospital, five in critical condition. Three Colorado hospitals announced they would waive or help with the medical fees the victims accrued. The charities being established for the victims and the hospitals’ support has laid a strong foundation to service this crucial need.

The city also got what it wanted. On his own accord, without contacting his publicist, Christian Bale showed up in Denver to visit the victims. No one would have even known Bale made an appearance if it hadn’t been for people tweeting and posting to Facebook from the hospital. Bale also visited the memorial set up near the theater.

Amazing acts of generosity and kindness have come through the social media networks, but that isn’t to say that everyone is sympathetic and respectful. Amongst all the calls for blood donations and the thousands of well wishes, social media feeds were beset with posts politicizing the issue, most of these honed in on the issue of gun control. Now, I am not saying that this isn’t the time to talk about gun control, but both sides used this disaster as an excuse to further polarize the debate, when in fact an air of pragmatism and compromise is needed if we are to effect lasting change for the better. In the middle of the raging gun control debate, were those who complained that this wasn’t the time to discuss the issue. In reality, this is the perfect time to discuss all issues that tie into this catastrophe, and guns are part of that.

My quick note on guns: While I don’t agree with absolute gun control, I can’t fathom why civilians are allowed to legally purchase military grade weapons, like the assault rifle that was firing at my friends and I. As for those who’ve posted comments along the line of “if only someone else in the theater had been armed,” your logic is flawed and misinformed. The coward in question opened fire on a crowd of unsuspecting moviegoers in a dark and confined space, dressed in full combat armor, neck and head covering included. More people firing guns would have only added to the confusion and senseless violence.

My final message to everyone on the internet is to just do the best you can with the resources available to you. This event has proven the power of social media networking. This is a power that each of us exercise every day. Whenever you ‘like’ or repost an article for your friends to see, that message gets passed a little further and becomes a bit louder. All I ask is that you start watching what messages you pass. As I asked of the media in my first post, please stop posting or reposting pictures of the shooter, or articles specifically about him. Stop giving him the attention and infamy he craves, and stop helping to write his name into the history books.

My personal challenge to everyone using social media: Convince Steam and the creators of the Batman Arkham series to put all affiliated games on sale for one day with proceeds going to the Aurora Victim Relief Fund.

Related Posts:
Back Row Perspective Part 2: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message To The Politicians
Back Row Perspective Part 1: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message To The Media

by Jordan Mizell

Let’s take a Warped Tour through the reality of animal testing. The only reason you don’t care about it, is because you haven’t had to bare witness to it. It’s a twisted world when people have stilled their reservations about putting animals through painful testing. Testing that isn’t necessary and may not accurately show the effects the products would likely have on humans. Once you have seen the reality of what these animals are put through, it’s not a matter of choosing, but a demand not to support these practices or those that enforce them.

This year PETA2 joined the Warped Tour to turn the spotlight on cigarette companies. While testing the effects of smoking on animals has been banned in many other countries, the United States has yet to do so. Which begs the question: Why? We already have a wealth of data showing the harmful effects of cigarettes. We know they cause cancer. We know smoking isn’t good for you. At this point, pretty much every smoker in the world knows this. We are generally an over informed public when it comes to smoking. So why keep testing on animals?

PETA2 is asking the same question. Like many anti-anything groups though, it isn’t so much about convincing the individual, as it is forcing an industry to change. PETA2 has started a grassroots movement to do so. PETA2’s production manager, Paige Snyder, explains: “Too often people feel like they have little say in getting anything changed.”

But change would not have come to the countries that have already banned this type of testing, if it wasn’t for similar movements. Highlighting the fact that people have the choice to buy products that don’t utilize this type of testing, well that’s a powerful way to create change at a corporate level. Because, when protest affects the bottom line in business, it forces a re-evaluation. Even if you are a committed smoker, there are plenty of companies that do not engage in such cruel practices that better deserve you patronage.

So how is the Warped Tour involved in PETA2’s latest campaign? And why should you or they care? Chris #2, who was recently on the Warped Tour with his band Anti Flag, had this to say in relation to PETA2’s campaign:

“Tobacco companies seem to be battling it out for the Most Inhumane award. Their disregard for human life, let alone their morally bankrupt testing they continue to perform on animals, has to end. Seeing first hand Peta2 confront the patrons of Warped Tour with this information, and seeing them directly throw their cigarettes — and hopefully their support of such companies — away, was a daily inspiring event.”

“It’s all about giving people a voice to speak and be heard. Then we reward them for their contributions,” says Snyder. Even without incentives however, once informed many feel obligated to act. PETA2 has found many allies on the Warped Tour with regards to this issue, and in response to the outpouring of support for their wider anti-cruelty stance, they have supplied vegan chefs so that those who choose to do so can eat cruelty free. We’re told that even artists who aren’t actually vegan, have been appreciating the food offered. It’s always been a free speech zone around the Warped Tour table. What better way to start changing hearts, minds, and habits, than with fantastic meals!

by A.J. Focht

In my previous article, I discussed the way in which the mass media has mishandled the Aurora theater shootings. While some in the media approached the story with respect, the majority of them showed little consideration for the victims involved. But it’s not just the media that has been careless in the aftermath of the massacre. Many politicians have used this event as a spring board for their campaigns, while already failing to live up to their promises to the victims.

It’s been a week since I sat down in Theater 9, unaware of the hell that awaited me. I remember the high pitched screech, like a bottle rocket, as the coward tossed the gas grenades into a theater full of unsuspecting moviegoers. I can hear sounds of gunfire and see the bright flashes coming from the corner of the theater in the back of my mind. The screams of the victims in the theater haunt me at night. The vivid memories of wandering shocked through a crowd of people covered in blood, with no way of knowing whose blood it was, will stay with me forever.

I am just one of hundreds of movie patrons that share this horrific experience. Despite these mental scars, I am eternally thankful I have no physical wounds to match. Seventy people in the theater were not as lucky, and twelve of them paid with their lives.

The death toll could have been much higher if it had not been for the amazing first responders. The first police officers arrived on scene within minutes of the shooting. Several officers took it upon themselves to deliver victims to local hospitals in person, instead of waiting for the ambulances. Their quick action likely saved several lives. While the police, dispatchers, medics, firefighters, and ER doctors all did an amazing job that night, I feel they have already received a lot of praise. I therefore want to personally thank the unmentioned heroes of that evening; the victims’ advocates and local RTD bus drivers that worked alongside the ranks of emergency responders that night.

After we were all forced to wait outside the theater for a few hours following the shootings, the police finally got everyone organized and bussed us down to a local school. The bus drivers were very kind to all of the victims and tried to cater to our needs. Once at the school, the victims’ advocates showed up. They brought us food and water, and helped however they could. For those of us with missing members in our party, they were the ones that organized our information so we could be contacted as soon as anything was known.

Unfortunately, for many of the victims, that was the only night we saw this kind of support. Organizers had promised that there would be counseling available for the victims before a vigil held on Saturday. All of the victims that showed up early, including my group, were disappointed to find that the counseling before the vigil was reserved for the deceased victims’ families. All the other victims, even those who had been injured but released from hospital, would have to wait for the vigil to start and the victims’ advocates to come outside. Until then, we were left to fend for ourselves against the press.

The victims’ advocates did eventually come out to see us, but they hardly knew where to start given our number and the fact we were now spread out in the crowd. They did what they could. They consoled groups in mourning, whether they were at the theater or not. What stung the worst was to then hear the speakers stand up, one-by-one, and talk about how there needed to be support for all the victims, often emphasizing the mental scarring. Despite the diversity of the term victim in their speeches, their policies had a much narrower definition as to who the victims were.

On the day of the vigil, President Barack Obama visited the families of the deceased. He chose not to attend the vigil because he knew he couldn’t be there without pulling the focus away from the victims. His choice not to make an appearance at the vigil, even though it would have likely given him a boost in the polls, shows that he really did have the victims’ best interests at heart.

I only wish others could have been so selfless. There were dozens of politicians on the stage, most of whom didn’t speak. While he didn’t call them all off by name, Mayor Steve Hogan of Aurora stood for two minutes naming the ranks and affiliations of the dignitaries present, several of whom are up for reelection this coming fall. I understand giving credit to all of the first responders who were in attendance, but the long stream of elected officials felt too much like campaigning to the grieving.

For many in Colorado, this incident is hitting to close to home after the Columbine High School shootings. One victim of the Columbine shooting, Samuel Granillo, is working on a documentary about the school shootings. Through it, his goal is to find a way to provide counseling for those seeking it after the shootings at Columbine High School – which is desperately needed for those who still suffer from posttraumatic stress disorder in the wake of it. The funds for the Columbine victims dried up long before everyone had healed. Many of us that were in the theater on July 20th now worry that the support for the Aurora victims will also prematurely disappear.

There is hope; gestures of support have started to come through. Many speculated that Warner Bros. might make a contribution of some kind. On Tuesday, the studio made it official by announcing they were pledging a ‘substantial’ donation, without releasing details of the actual sum they plan to give to the Colorado Community First Foundation Aurora Victim Relief Fund. Many small businesses in the local communities are holding fundraisers for varying charities and victim support efforts. A group that helped bring the first Comic Con to Denver, organized a human wall at the vigil to counter protest the Westboro Baptist Church, even though the church never showed up. The Aurora Rise Benefit Event is being planned by All C’s Collectibles Comic store in Aurora, Colorado. Comic publishers including DC Comics and Image Comics have contacted them to pledge donations. The event is still coming together, but it so far looks to include a silent auction with proceeds going to victim support.

This outpour of donations from the local, online, and comic book communities has been phenomenal. The biggest worry is that the funds won’t reach most of the victims. My message to the politicians is simple: Have some class. Stop using this tragedy to get reelected. The best thing all the politicians can do now is to make sure that the support for the victims is allocated appropriately. There are several victims who have no way to pay their substantial medical bills, and many more that will need therapy for years to come.

In the final segment, I will discuss the ways in which social media has affected the tragedy. On a large scale, social media has created the most support for the victims. That isn’t to say there isn’t a downside to the internet hive mind.

Related Posts:
Back Row Perspective Part 1: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message To The Media

by A.J. Focht

Thursday July 19th, I rushed home from work to get ready to catch the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises with a group of friends. We were all excited to finally be seeing the epic conclusion to Christopher Nolan’s Batman series. After wading through the crowd to get our tickets and stocking up on overpriced food and drinks, we made our way into Theater 9 and took our seats. The showing was packed and there weren’t enough empty seats in a row for all eight of us to sit together. We split up, sitting in small groups throughout the theater. I ended up in the second row from the back with my roommate and another friend.

Everyone waited patiently through the lackluster trailers for the feature film to begin. When the movie started, the theater went silent and everyone fixed their eyes in on the screen, mesmerized. Scene after scene, I became more enthralled with the story. About twenty minutes in, we were all snapped out of the epic fantasy world and into a nightmarish reality. A gunman opened fire on the unsuspecting crowd. I made it out of the theater unscathed, but I can’t say the same about the rest of my group. One of them was injured and went to hospital, and another didn’t came out of the theater alive. While I survived, 12 people were killed in the massacre and another 58 were injured.

It took seemingly no time before the twenty-four hour news networks had informed everyone across the nation as to what had happened. The mad rush to present the world with information caused the media vultures to deliver several false reports as they stopped at nothing to get their stories. In the midst of this living nightmare, the media circus fed off the victims’ despair like it was fresh bread in a famine.

With only a small charge left in her phone one of the members of my group thought it best to send out a blanket distress beacon via Twitter so she could conserve her battery to call her parents and a ride home. Caitlin tweeted from her account @dingos8myTARDIS informing her family and friends of the chaos and that she was physically alright. Her tweets were some of the first online, and within the hour BBC, CNN, and others were broadcasting her messages on the news. The hundreds of media outlets that contacted her throughout the night were unexpected, but we could understand they were just trying to do their jobs. Once we had been released, Caitlin, not wanting the mass media attention, released these tweets:

dingos8myTARDIS: To the media: I was tweeting earlier because my phone was on 10%batt & I needed to let people know I was okay. I am (in) no shape for interviews.

dingos8myTARDIS: To rephrase: I have no interest in interviews at this time. I was merely sending an emergency beacon.

Despite her requesting to be left alone, she was perpetually bombarded by yet more media requests via Twitter from outlets including FOX News and The Huffington Post. As if the mass attention on Twitter was not enough, other news networks took it upon themselves to get her phone number and start calling her.

While we all sat anxiously awaiting information on the MIA member of our group, phones and email notifications continued go off till all our phones had died. Before even our families and friends had a chance to check in, the overzealous reporters were all but knocking on our doors. Right after our group finally learned our missing member didn’t make it, Caitlin’s phone began to ring; It was the Today Show on the other end requesting an interview about him. She told them off and asked them not to contact her again. However, her pleas didn’t stop them from calling again the next morning, still trying to get an interview.

This is not to say that everyone in the media treated this tragic event and the victims like they were just a breaking news story. A select few talk show hosts and reporters handled their responses to the incident with the utmost tact. Craig Ferguson changed his opening monologue in response to the Aurora shootings. His heartfelt reaction was a signal that some of the media could show signs of humanity and compassion for the victims. On his Hulu show, Spoilers, Kevin Smith opened with a sincere speech and spent the rest of the time talking about the incident with the Spoilers crew. Responses like these made a huge difference for the survivors in my group who had begun to feel the media had turned on them.

Since the shootings happened in the early hours of Friday morning, it wasn’t until the following Monday that Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert had their say on the events. As longtime fans of both shows, I, along with everyone in my group, was interested to see what they both had to say. For once this week, we were not disappointed. Stewart called out the media circus for reporting false facts and refusing to talk about certain related issues. Colbert further pointed out how useless the media was with their inaccurate reports and misguided debates.

While an array of talk show hosts had excellent responses to this tragic massacre, only a handful of career journalists handled it with the same level of professionalism. Out of all the reporters that covered this tragic story, only a few reported it both honestly and with consideration for the victims and survivors. Anderson Cooper conducted an interview with the father, girlfriend, and best friend of Alex Teves, the deceased member of our group. Cooper was genuine, and he allowed each of them to speak their mind. At the end of the interview, Teves’ father challenged Cooper and CNN to, moving forward, stop talking about and showing the gunman, since doing so only gave him the attention he sought, and asked them instead to focus to the victims.

In contrast, ABC continues to provide the wrong information five days after the shootings. In the ABC News interview with Alex’s father and girlfriend, Dan Harris ended the segment by saying that Alex graduated from the University of Colorado with a degree in Physical Therapy. In reality, Alex recently graduated with his Master’s Degree in Counseling from the University of Denver. Even after being called out on The Daily Show, ABC fails to check the facts to their reports before airing them.

As if the misleading media wasn’t enough, their voyeuristic nature is making the victims and survivors feel uncomfortable even attending the memorials and vigils held in their honor. During the prayer vigil held on Sunday outside the Aurora Municipal building, reporters and photographers were swarming the lawn as the mourners arrived. There was a sectioned off area up front, but it was only for the families of the deceased victims, and it was located right in front of the podium for all the cameras to see. There was no media perimeter, and photographers from all ranks of media aggressively roamed through the crowd. Everyone from bloggers to international news organizations forced their way onto grieving groups. When Caitlin asked for her picture not to be taken, the only response she received was that she should not be in a public space. When friends of the victims would act as human shields, getting in the way of the pictures, the cameramen became increasingly volatile. At an event that was supposed to be for the victims, the victims couldn’t find any sanctuary from the press.

The political speeches throughout the vigil and the mass media presence raise the question: who was the vigil for? As a survivor of the Aurora massacre, I can say that I didn’t feel comforted by any of it. Amongst the several prayers, mostly Christian, all I heard was political name dropping ahead of the upcoming election, as the victims and survivors were left to defend themselves against the heartless, overbearing, and at times downright hostile actions of those in the media.

My message to the media is simple: First, as Mr. Teves asked Anderson Cooper, stop showing the face of and talking about the shooter. He is a coward that massacred an unsuspecting group of civilians. Every time you talk about him, you only help add his name to the pages of history. Next, I beg that you give both the victims and survivors their space. There are plenty of victims and families that are willing to talk to you, and could use the attention for good reasons such as medical bills. For those who want to be left alone, it’s the least you can do.

In Part 2, I will talk about how the politicians have handled this event, both good and bad. For many, this is becoming too reminiscent of the Columbine High School shooting, both in the tragic nature of what occurred and in the mishandling of the victims and survivors. For the final segment, I will explore the awe inspiring responses and support that has come from social media.

by Lee Camp

If “naughty words” offend you, then for the love of God DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO! Well, actually, if naughty words offend you then maybe you need to watch this video more than anyone else. Seeing as you’re already on SuicideGirls.com, I can’t imagine curse words upset most of you. But perhaps there are other words that piss you off more than a word like “shit.” Let me know what they are in the comments section below!

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