by SG’s Team Agony feat. Shaine, Lyxzen and Yulia

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I have this ex-boyfriend who is a alcoholic and every now and then he’ll calls me drunk and talks about memories of me and him, and tells me he wants to hangout with me. I still have feelings for him, and feel like he still likes me or something. Could I be right? We’ve both moved on and are with other people. What do you suggest I do?

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by Laurelin

I honestly don’t know why my friend Dan even still wants to be around me. Every single time we hang out I turn into a drunk monster and wind up doing something completely and utterly retarded. Past events have included drunk yelling, drop kicking, punches in the head, “where is this going” talks as I’m getting kicked out of a bar, and most recently screaming at him that he was a pussy as I made him carve his initials into my foot with a giant knife. I have only a slight recollection of this happening, but it’s true; there it is to this day, a tiny “DK” on the top of my foot, a reminder that at the age of 28, total idiocy is still very possible.

He should definitely win an award; I have embarrassed him at multiple bars while he’s been working, woken up his roommates and neighbors in his quiet Cape Cod house and been found alone and drunk in the kitchen attempting to eat cold pasta salad with my hands like the scene where ET the Extra Terrestrial discovers food and beer in Elliot’s fridge. Dan and I are clearly just buddies at this point, this is not the type of behavior that says, “Hey, you should date me, I’m very stable.” I mean, I know everything should be taken with a grain of salt, but really, some things are just stupid. Sometimes I’m just really, really stupid. The other night in a blacked out state he decided that I should be the best man at his future wedding. “Start preparing that speech,” he slurred. “It better be good.” One of the guys, always.

I guess I don’t have the best track record with men. It’s been a year since my last serious relationship, and looking back I feel as though it was really just a blip on the radar screen. Learning experience, blah blah, everything happens for a reason. I guess it does: One line will forever define that relationship, one line spoken at the bar one night by my ex’s best friend. This guy was a monster, a terrible drunk and constantly blowing lines, but he always told the truth. I guess I was looking bummed out one night at the bar, because he came up to me and gave me a sympathetic hug.

“Don’t worry, Laur,” he said. “It wasn’t meant to be. You guys were great together but you know, the other night he mentioned that you were the best thing to ever happen to him, but that you weren’t the type of girl that you marry.” He smiled reassuringly and wandered off. I stood there, and as that comment slowly absorbed the world around me blurred. I thought I might pass out. Two years of my life, years spent happy, in love and with my best friend… not only was that all over now, but that’s what he thought? Did he know that all along? I have never forgotten that, and it honestly haunts me. I thought I had had something amazing, but he was just killing time. I am not the type of girl you marry. What the hell was he thinking?

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Friskey and Tita

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I wrecked my motorcycle almost 6 years ago, and it has left me paralyzed and in a wheelchair. I haven’t had a relationship since. I have always been a bit shy, but now I feel self-conscious about my “situation”. I feel like people look at me as though I am helpless. And its hard to find a girl who would rather ask me for my phone number than ask me if they can hold open a door for me. Most people see a person in a chair and their first thought usually isn’t “Oooh, I want some of that!” I’m pretty likable guy…once you get past the fact that I’m in a chair. How would you suggest that I go about getting women to want to date me? In all honesty, what would it take for you to date a person who was paralyzed?

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Atlea and Setsuka

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: So I have a little bit of a dilemma and I’m hoping you girls can help. For starters, I’m a 23-year old lesbian from New Jersey. I have never been in a healthy relationship. I was with a woman, we’ll call her T, from May ‘09 to Jan ‘10. It wasn’t exactly a healthy relationship, but I was in love with her. She treated me like shit. She cheated, lied, and was always out partying. I dealt with it because I didn’t think I could do any better. After she left me we didn’t talk for a while, but she always seemed to find a way back into my life, and me being me, I let her.

This August will be a year since I hurt H, and I have not given up trying to get her back. I have apologized to her so many times I have lost count. I realized I still love H and I would do anything to get her back. Problem is she barely talks to me. I know I hurt her, I know I was wrong, and there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t wish I could change that. She texted me about two weeks ago and said she was bartending at a new bar in my hometown and said she would like to see me. I went and the moment I saw her, my heart dropped. That was the true realization that I still love her. Ladies, please give me some advice. I would do anything for her…

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by Laurelin

I’ve never thought of myself as a particularly crazy person. I don’t yell or scream at people I’m dating, I’m not jealous, I don’t nag, and I don’t get upset when ex- girlfriends are still in the picture. I was horrified by the female lead in He’s Just Not That Into You, and I am a firm believer in the idea “if it’s not fun, why do it?” Relationships are supposed to be fun. If it’s not fun, why the hell are you still dating? I’m not a crazy girl. Or, at least that’s what I have been telling myself for as far back as I can remember. I guess if you break it down, I’m just as crazy as the next girl. I just hide it damn well.

I have been caught being crazy once about six years ago, and let me tell you, it whipped me into shape. As much as I like throwing myself under the bus when I write these articles, what I did was so absolutely insane that I can’t even think about it without my cheek burning in shame. All I know is that I was busted, and the look on my boyfriend’s face when he caught me red handed was enough for me to realize then and there that acting like an untrusting maniac was the most un-sexy quality a girl can have.

I had stepped out of the room and he had jumped on my computer to check his e-mail, and as I walked back into the room our horrified eyes met over the glow of the screen and my heart fell like concrete into my stomach. The digital age makes it too easy to have access to whatever you want, and I had left whatever I wanted to know about him right up on the screen for him to find. It was all there, e-mails, conversations with ex girlfriends, everything. He should have broken up with me on the spot, and I’m not sure why he didn’t. I guess I got lucky. Unfortunately, that experience engrained something in me, and from that moment on I didn’t act anything but totally laid back about everything, ever. I didn’t ever want anyone looking at me the way my boyfriend looked at me that day.

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by Brad Warner

A few people have responded to my blog by comparing me to this or that teacher and saying those guys are much better because they encourage their followers to help others. One reader advised me to get over myself and, “learn to live for others.” It’s good advice, to be sure. But what exactly does it mean?

One of the complaints often lodged against Zen is that it’s a selfish philosophy and practice. Spiritual teachers of other schools are always talking about how we should give to others, help those in need, lend a hand to our brothers and so on. But when you take a look at Zen literature there’s not a whole lot of that. Oh, Dogen Zenji talks a bit about compassion and sometimes you hear the Metta Sutra, the Buddha’s words on kindness, chanted at Zen temples in America. Although elsewhere in the world this chant is more associated with the Theravada school than with Zen.

Zen, on the other hand, tends to seem self-centered. Rather that hearing a lot about how we should be of service to others, the standard canonical texts of Zen appear to focus on what we need to do to improve our own situation and state of mind. They do sometimes make reference to helping others and saving all beings. But these references are almost always a bit abstract. They say we need to help others, but don’t go very deeply into how that might be done. This focus on the self is ironic considering that Zen is often portrayed as a practice aimed at eradicating the self.

But have you ever glanced up randomly when you’re on an airplane ignoring the flight attendants safety instructions? When they tell you how to use those oxygen masks they say that you should first secure your own mask before helping others. There’s a good reason for this. If the plane is losing oxygen you’re going to be too woozy to be of service to anyone else until you first get your own stuff together. This is the way it is in life as well.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Aadie and Lexie

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: Got a problem that’s been on my mind for a while. I’ve been married for the past 8 years, and my partner has never been quite a partner in the sense of taking on or handling the usually shared responsibilities: paying bills, cleaning, parenting, etc., etc. I feel as if I’m constantly putting out fires started by her — without the help of a partner. Being the dedicated person I like to be, I always muscled on — I hate quitting.

Anon-o-moose!

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