By SG’s Team Agony

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. My concern is pretty simple. There is a girl that works by the Starbucks close to where I work. In the last 3 months or so we’ve started to have random small talk and a few more personal questions here and there. Since I’ve known her I’ve also started to get to know the rest of the staff, and now every now and then they throw some freebies my way. This girl seems to be really nice, attentive and good looking. My question is, should I venture out and ask her out and possibly compromise my afternoon hangout and my kick-backs? Also, what would be the best way to ask her out? – From someone who likes coffee a lot!

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by Blogbot

Described as “the most irresponsible book written on the subject of sexuality since The Berenstain Bears Host a Key Party” by late night icon Conan O’Brien, Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk is arguably one of the most unhelpful sex manuals on the market today. Authored by The Association for the Betterment of Sex (which is comprised of a gaggle of current and former Daily Show, Conan O’Brien, Vanity Fair, and Onion writers), it features at best plain bad advice and at worst utterly inaccurate facts. On the plus side, the 232 page compendium of copulation disinformation is as amusing as it is misleading.

In an effort to perpetuate their procreation propaganda The Association for the Betterment of Sex and Broadway Books have kindly allowed us to reprint the excerpt below. Please note: SuicideGirls will not take responsibility for unwanted pregnancies that may result from following any of the instructions below.

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by Brad Warner

Hello SuicideGirls! It’s been a while! But I’m back. As some of you may recall, I used to do a regular “Hardcore Zen” blog here at SG on all manner of topics relating to Zen. I’m a Zen Buddhist monk and I just published my forth book, Sex, Sin and Zen.

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When SuicideGilrs last spoke with The Daily Show’s Senior Women’s Issues Commentator, Kristen Schaal, she was in the process of doing exhaustive research for a sex guide she was penning with her boyfriend, Daily Show staff writer Rich Blomquist. Two years later, after much sweat, tears, soiled sheets and general stickiness – their rigorously field-tested manual, The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex, is in stores. In this excerpt, Schaal and Blomquist take a peak through a Glory Wormhole to give us an incite into the future of sex.

In the future, you’ll be having the best sex of your life, and your partner won’t even be there. No, you won’t be masturbating (at least not every time). You’ll be fucking each other thousands of miles apart with the help of remote stimulation devices known as teledildos.

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by Blogbot

This Sunday (10/3) on SuicideGirls Radio our very special in-studio guest will be Tonight Show and Onion News Network writer Todd Levin, who’ll be talking about his new book, Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk. Described as “the most irresponsible book written on the subject of sexuality since The Berenstain Bears Host a Key Party” by former Tonight Show host Conan O’Brien, the book is arguably one of the most unhelpful sex manuals on the market today. Featuring at best plain bad advice and at worst utterly inaccurate facts, the 232 page compendium of copulation disinformation is, on the plus side, as amusing as it is misleading.

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By Malloreigh

Dating is immeasurably frustrating. It’s not like the dating pool is huge to begin with – sure, there are lots of people out there, but we all have our tastes, our proclivities, our peculiarities. Sometimes we fall in lust with someone totally unavailable; sometimes the opposite happens; sometimes we like someone enough to date them and only find out after we’ve given away our hearts that they are fake poser liar cheating assholes. Ahem. Sorry, it’s not like I’m speaking from personal experience…

So imagine dating; imagine how difficult, how awkward, how soul-killing it is. Now, throw being a vegan into the mix. I’ve been on a few dates with people who chose to be totally offensive and disrespectful of my eating preferences. That, my friends, is a dealbreaker – so the next time you’re on a date with a vegan, don’t make any of those tacky jokes, and don’t try to feed your restricted-diet potential lover a bite of your steak at dinner – it’s just rude.

But wait, it gets better. Some vegans choose not to sleep with meat-eaters altogether. Some vegans go so far as to only sleep with other vegans. It’s a phenomenon called “vegansexuality” – and I think it’d be more common among vegans if it weren’t so damn hard to find other eligible, attractive vegans. But despite the extra effort involved – a vegan-only dating diet can be worth it in more ways than one. See, when your diet is poor – and this includes not only meat, but soda, alcohol, cigarettes – it affects your health, which in turn – pay attention! – affects the way you smell and taste. (Sometimes, it also affects your asshole factor. See above.)

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by Star Padilla

Want a drastic reduction in the number of men who bug you with creepy advances? I highly suggest you invest some money in a fake engagement ring, or maybe take it to the next level and buy the double band.

I’ve had some people give me a hard time in saying, “You may possibly be cheating yourself out of finding your soulmate by wearing that ring.” In all honesty, I’m not looking to meet my Mr. Right at some random bar – that’s far from what I imagine meeting my husband will be like. And I don’t want to date a dude I meet at a bar I’m a regular at, since that’d be super inconvenient if things didn’t work out (I mean, who would get custody of the spot?)

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