by SG’s Team Agony feat. Rydell

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: So my ex girlfriend (who broke up with me) unblocked my number and started contacting me again and started showing up at my house randomly. After having a few weeks to deal with being single I found I didn’t mind it, but now my ex is trying to get back with me and I’m confused as to what to do. Part of me doesn’t want to go down this road again, while another part of me doesn’t mind giving it another shot. Should I just tough it out and tell her I don’t want anything to do with her, or give her another chance? Thank you for your time and input.

A: Well honestly I think everything happens for a reason, whether it be that you get back with your ex or not. But I think the break up happened for a reason and you should examine why she felt she didn’t want to be in the relationship, and if you really want to get back into it or not. Usually second chances in relationships just don’t work out. Granted they can, but you both have to be very invested into making it work the second time around.

You need to sit down and weigh up the pros and cons of getting back into it versus staying out and starting fresh with another person. You also need to figure out if anything has changed that will make it more or less likely to work out a second time around. You may find some surprising answers, which will help to make your choice a bit easier. Just step outside of yourself and try to look at it from someone else’s point of view with no emotional attachment. Yes, that is hard, but it helps when making a better educated choice on your part.



I wish I could offer more guidance on this, but I don’t have enough info on your relationship dynamic, so I can only send you a wide range response, but I think it will get you on the path you need to make the right choice for you.

Rydell

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Rin

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: My girlfriend just broke up with me recently after four years of dating and almost a year of being engaged. I never thought this would happen but she just up and left for reasons she would never tell me.

With all that behind me, my real question is what to do now? I have tried going out to meet people but with no luck. I have tried online sites but they seem just as bad as going out for meeting new people. I do have a few friends around but just find myself so lonely all the time. I work from home which doesn’t really help. It’s a good job working on computers and I make great money, but it doesn’t help me meet people at all. I just don’t know what to do with myself and find myself fighting loneliness all the time.

A: Regrouping after the breakup of a long-term relationship can be very difficult. The first thing to address is your loneliness. You’ve mentioned you work from home and make a good income. If you don’t already have one, you should purchase a laptop and take as much of your work outside the house as possible. Even if it’s just for an hour or two a day, hanging out in a coffee shop and working will give you a nice dose of people. Choose a pleasant coffee shop, even if it’s out of your way. Maybe it’s in the neighborhood you want to live in, or maybe it just has a great atmosphere.

When you’re lonely, it’s important to reach out to your friends. They care about you and want to see you happy –– try to make two or three friend outings every week. Good friends are the backbone of getting through a breakup.

Because you work at home and are in a low place right now, you should consider adding some physical activity to your weekly routine. Exercise releases all sorts of beneficial chemicals in our brains, like serotonin and endorphins. Cultivating a feeling of wellbeing will definitely help with your loneliness and put you in a good place for when you do meet someone new. Joining a gym would be the easiest step, but you could also try yoga, team sports, or just go running in your own neighborhood. Lifting weights at home would also do the trick, though it doesn’t have the added potential social benefits.

Since you just got out of a relationship, give yourself some time to recuperate before you stress about meeting someone new. Make new goals — find things you can achieve on your own. Spend time figuring out what makes you happy, then do it! In a long-term relationship we can lose ourselves and it can be really empowering, when single, to find out what we want to do and just do it without worrying about the repercussions.

Maybe she was against you getting tattoos; maybe she didn’t like it when you went out with your friends and came home late; maybe she hated it when you played your favorite album on repeat for three hours straight. Now is your time to do whatever the fuck you want without needing the approval of another person. Discover the good parts of being single. It sounds contradictory, but it’s true! Sometimes being single is fun.

Hope those suggestions are helpful to you!

Rin

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Bailey, Rashel, and Vanessa

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I recently got out of an abusive relationship and I feel like I still can’t escape it. I moved three states away when everything disintegrated. He broke up with me via text message, in the same apartment, no less. We had lived together for two and a half years, and he was my life. Things got rocky towards the end, but as I was sexually abused and made to feel like my feelings weren’t valid, I came to accept that this was my path.

I don’t really know what I’m asking for here, and I’ve never asked for advice like this before. I’m an internalizer for sure… I guess I’m just seeking some guidance or a helping hand. I’m struggling to understand my own reaction, and that unsettles me.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Dalila, Kraven and Sassie!

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I have been married for 4 months and my wife is 7 months pregnant. (We got engaged before pregnancy.) My wife is pretty much turned off to sex at this point. I understand she’s uncomfortable and maybe not in the mood, but she is entirely turned off to the point where we haven’t had relations in 3 weeks, and it was dwindling leading up to the current drought.

I am being shut out on all levels of sexual contact. No old fashioned. No oral favors. Nothing! I’m trying to be supportive of her and not push it but at this point I’m thinking I’m not getting laid till Christmas. Please help! What should I do?

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Shaine, Lyxzen and Yulia

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I have this ex-boyfriend who is a alcoholic and every now and then he’ll calls me drunk and talks about memories of me and him, and tells me he wants to hangout with me. I still have feelings for him, and feel like he still likes me or something. Could I be right? We’ve both moved on and are with other people. What do you suggest I do?

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Friskey and Tita

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I wrecked my motorcycle almost 6 years ago, and it has left me paralyzed and in a wheelchair. I haven’t had a relationship since. I have always been a bit shy, but now I feel self-conscious about my “situation”. I feel like people look at me as though I am helpless. And its hard to find a girl who would rather ask me for my phone number than ask me if they can hold open a door for me. Most people see a person in a chair and their first thought usually isn’t “Oooh, I want some of that!” I’m pretty likable guy…once you get past the fact that I’m in a chair. How would you suggest that I go about getting women to want to date me? In all honesty, what would it take for you to date a person who was paralyzed?

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Atlea and Setsuka

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: So I have a little bit of a dilemma and I’m hoping you girls can help. For starters, I’m a 23-year old lesbian from New Jersey. I have never been in a healthy relationship. I was with a woman, we’ll call her T, from May ‘09 to Jan ‘10. It wasn’t exactly a healthy relationship, but I was in love with her. She treated me like shit. She cheated, lied, and was always out partying. I dealt with it because I didn’t think I could do any better. After she left me we didn’t talk for a while, but she always seemed to find a way back into my life, and me being me, I let her.

This August will be a year since I hurt H, and I have not given up trying to get her back. I have apologized to her so many times I have lost count. I realized I still love H and I would do anything to get her back. Problem is she barely talks to me. I know I hurt her, I know I was wrong, and there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t wish I could change that. She texted me about two weeks ago and said she was bartending at a new bar in my hometown and said she would like to see me. I went and the moment I saw her, my heart dropped. That was the true realization that I still love her. Ladies, please give me some advice. I would do anything for her…

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