by SG’s Team Agony feat. Jaeci

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I’m in an odd situation that makes me feel like I’m living in some crazy romance sitcom. I flirt, a LOT, and normally it’s all completely harmless. Then one night my boss (who happens to be my age, early twenties, and one of those man whores that just oozes charm – he’s that kind of guy you just love to hate) took it from just being jokes to us actually messing around. There was no sex, just basic fun and teasing.

What do I do with this situation? Is there still potential for some fun, or has this whole thing just turned into a lost cause? And if it is a lost cause, would you have any recommendations for screwing with his head? I think some karma would be nice LOL!

A: Alright, my girl, there’s one major thing here that tells me how to direct you. I’ll even quote someone involved in the situation — you. “He makes this whole thing suck.” Hmm?

A “dirty little secret” affair, whether or not is a good idea, is supposed to be fun, sexy, and exciting. This doesn’t sound terribly fun, sexy, OR exciting. Get your wits about you, and play off his advances. When you really want to sleep with someone, you sleep with someone. He could have a million reasons for not pursuing a sexual relationship with you. He could be afraid of what will happen if you actually sleep together and eventually something goes wrong between you — sexual harassment claims, the leverage he fears you’ll have over him, etc. It could also be a case of someone wanting something they know they shouldn’t have. Or the classic thrill-of-the-chase syndrome, wherein the catch does not seem as interesting as the pursuit.

The attention you give him is for sure boosting his ego — but as it seems he’s got enough of that as it is, you can drop it. You definitely haven’t made any kind of case that would suggest that he is worth pursuing. Sounds like high time you stop responding to his flirtations.

I’m not saying to be mean. In fact, that would be foolish — he’s your boss. Be casual and friendly, but pour the proverbial bucket of cold water on your head and make your hots for him fizzle out.

Also, there’s no need for some kind of karmic piñata smashing where you swing blindly at the dude’s balls and hope to get him back for leading you on. If you like your job, don’t actively mess with your boss. Your lack of interest will be enough of a mindfuck for him. Just leave it alone, leave him alone, and you’ll silently put him back in his place — he’s your boss, you’re his employee, it could have been hot, instead it was lame. Go back to being on friendly terms, now everyone zip up your pants, it wasn’t getting anywhere anyway.

Lots of luck!

Jaeci

PS. I have had a boss-affair, I speak from experience, and I judge you not.

PPS. If you’re looking for a guy to sleep with, don’t pick someone “you just love to hate.” Seriously, lady! 😉

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

By Nicole Powers

The fiercely individual Madonna once observed that “life is a mystery” and “everyone must stand alone.” But for some that is tragically not possible. Conjoined twins Evelyn and Evelyn Neville (a.k.a. Evelyn Evelyn) are two such people; their uninvited union – and the uniqueness of their in many ways non-individual state – being both a blessing and a curse.

To say Evelyn Evelyn have had a tough upbringing would be a gross understatement. The pair lost their mother 12 minutes after their traumatic birth, and their early life took a nosedive from there. The girls’ father fell victim to an unlikely chainsaw accident shortly after their mother’s untimely demise, and thus the orphaned twins were left with only each other to rely on as they made their way in this all too cruel world.

Extended stints trapped in a chicken coup and held hostage by a child pornography ring meant the girls were robbed of anything approaching a normal childhood –– if that was ever a possibility given their Siamese status. However, after joining a circus and meeting some similarly conjoined pachyderms, Evelyn Evelyn got an inkling that their bond –– far from being a burden –– was something truly beautiful and special.

Having experienced relentless teasing and taunts for much of their life, the Neville sisters’ world was changed radically by the advent of social media. While in a dead end job filling out sweepstakes applications on behalf of an unappreciative motel proprietor, the duo practiced the songs they once performed with the circus and set up a profile on MySpace to showcase them. Unburdened by physical limitations and prejudices online, their music caught the attention of many, including singer, songwriter, and all round entertainer extraordinaire Amanda Palmer.

Inspired by their songs and by their struggle, Amanda recruited renowned folk musician Jason Webley to help with the project. Produced by Palmer and Webley, Evelyn Evelyn released their debut EP, “Elephant Elephant,” in 2007. Their heartfelt rendition of Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart” –– which served as the B-side of the vinyl edition –– brought them initial success and critical acclaim. A self-titled album followed in 2010, as did numerous sold out live dates.

Having recently returned from a triumphant stint at the prestigious Edinburgh Festival –– and with respect having firmly replaced ridicule –– Evelyn Evelyn embark on the next chapter in their lives with the release of a graphic novel based on their story. Written by Palmer and Webley, and illustrated by Cynthia von Buhler, it’s naturally being released in two parts (via Dark Horse Comics Inc.). Having not only redefined beauty, but what it means to be an individual, SuicideGirls caught up with Palmer to talk about Evelyn Evelyn.

For this interview SG’s editor, Nicole Powers, recruited her own twin siblings, Brenda Day and Samantha May. Though not conjoined, Brenda and Samantha do everything together and feel as if emotionally they are. They are therefore especially excited that Palmer and Webley are unleashing the power of multiples though their production work, and are exploring what it means to be an individual when you’re also one half of a whole. The following is a transcript of their online conversation…

Read our exclusive interview with Amanda Palmer on SuicideGirls.com.

Nymph Suicide in Wednesday’s Child

• INTO: Girls, boys, threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, domming, latex, heels, cute feet, piercings, bondage, modeling, the keyhole sessions, tattoo artwork, hair dye, vegan food, booze, brunch, sleepovers, Jägermeister, all things beautiful.
• NOT INTO: Meat, pot, U2, excessive body hair, buff guys, pants.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: See “INTO” and add: thunderstorms, late nights with good friends, AMP energy drinks, hostessing/playing housewife.
• MAKES ME SAD: Losing touch, animal cruelty, homophobia, labels.
• HOBBIES: Cooking, cleaning, fucking, partying.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: Cell phone, music, sex, Japanese food, my waterbed.
• VICES: I’m loud, shameless, have no free time, and am anal.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Watching tv/movies with my partner and my cat.

Get to know Nymph better over at SuicideGirls.com!