by Bradley Suicide

“I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriously, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.”
– Penny Lane, Almost Famous, 2000

Am I always going to be the Penny Lane?

That’s the question I find myself asking again and again. As I have stated previously, I have a thing for rock stars (yes, I mean that in the literal sense of the term). Past experience has taught me to lump the good in with the bad and roll with it. Dating a musician is hard enough, then you add the famous component and you can imagine how complicated things can get. Emotionally, I am in a constant state of turmoil. There is never a dull moment, that’s for sure. But that’s also probably half of the appeal. The uncertainty, the roaming from city to city, being the pretty girl on the arm, and knowing that – even though there are thousands of girls in the audience screaming for him – I’m the one that’s with him. That ‘jet-setting never know what you’re going to get’ life is one that I love and feed off of. But I can’t help but wonder, am I ever going to be the girl that they settle down with? Am I ever going to get my rock star version of happily ever after? Will I be the one that gets all of the kind words, the sweet looks, the hugs and the kisses, but not the commitment in the end when all is said and done? Am I going to always be the Marilyn and never the Jackie?

This thought began to eat at me. Especially because at the moment I am seeing someone that I could easily see myself being with for the long term if the chips fall that way. The more I pondered this, the more depressed I began to feel. So what did I do? I called my very close friend from back home. As I sat on the phone with him and painfully explained the situation he came at me with a point that made everything snap into focus. Below is what he told me,

“Screw all of that. Stay strong and confident in who you are. Own it. Be it. Say, ‘If I’m a Penny Lane then fuck ya I’m proud.’ There are a lot of people who go through life in denial, trying to fool themselves as to who they are. You have to know about yourself and who you are. You can’t live a genuine life unless you know who you are. Then own it and be who you are. You don’t have to apologize for anything. I look at it like this: if someone doesn’t like me that’s cool, I’m not here because I need you to justify my existence. I’m cool with who I am. Self awareness is sexy. Don’t apologize, don’t lie, and don’t cover up who you are. I attract people who are like-minded. I don’t have to pretend to be someone else.”

Those wise words, from a wise friend made everything so much more clear. Why would I ever want to be something that I’m not? I am who I am, and if you can’t handle me as a Marilyn for the long term then you just straight up don’t deserve me. Plus I would probably end up driving you crazy with my drunken antics and blonde girl escapades that you would end up with a heart condition and losing your hair from stress. Maybe it’s just like Carrie Bradshaw said, “Some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with” (I swear, those Sex & the City writers had shit on point).

Since talking with my friend I have also realized another excellent side of this whole equation. Some women would be happy being the Jackie. Getting wifed up, having the 2.5 kids, the white picket fence and having dinner ready to go when the hubby gets home from his 9-5…I am just not one of them. If I had to settle down and have a “normal” life I think I would become a horrible bitter and depressed mess. Maybe trying to be the Jackie is the worst thing for me, trying to fit that mold would be me trying to be something that I am not, a square peg in a round hole sort of a deal. Part of me wishes that I wanted the perfect little life of being on the PTA, having the dog named spot, the whole package, because I feel like my heart would be a lot more protected and life would be a lot less complicated. I just can’t see myself being happy with it.

So screw it. I have realized that I want something different from the average bear in every facet of my life, so why would my love life be any different? I have realized that I am who I am. I am a complicated, crazy, fun loving blonde who wants to be young, wild, and usually drunk. I want the life that I want and I am not going to worry about where it takes me. And I’m not changing myself to court others’ approval. Things will work out the way that they are supposed to and I will end up with MY version of happily ever after someday. I am really not sure at this point what that is, but who says that I need to know right now? I firmly believe that when I find it, I will know its right. So what if I am the Marilyn or the Penny Lane? If you don’t like it then I don’t need you in my life, simple as that. I am owning this part of me. I am not ashamed and I am not apologetic about who I am. If you can’t handle me then we aren’t meant to be, rock star or not.

I don’t know where this pothole-riddled road will take me, but riding that road across the world in a tour bus or two has made for a pretty fun trip so far. Party on.

Xoxo
Bradley

Related Posts
Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater
Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater: Champagne Wishes And Rockstar Dreams

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Seizure

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for year. The problem is that she hates sex. Her ex-boyfriend abused her in and out of the bedroom. Now I don’t know how to return the desire. I am very passionate in bed but she is very monotonous and not very funny, and I think this is starting to affect me.

A: This is a hard situation to deal with I am sure. The best advice that I feel can be given is to make sure that the sex happens naturally. Don’t make plans for it because it will just put pressure on her and cause her to think and get stressed out. Make sure she is always comfortable with what is going on. If she has any triggers, then always avoid them. She will open up more and more when she feels safe and comfortable. Her self-esteem is probably shaken as well so help her to find her self-worth. Make sure she always knows how you feel about her, and how attractive and awesome you think she is. I think both physical and emotional comfort is the key to helping her to open up more during intimacy. If things don’t improve however, and it seems like they haven’t since you’ve already been dating for a year, you may want to encourage her to seek professional help.

<3 Seizure

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by Fred Topel

“You don’t want to be asking permission. Look how that slows you down.”
– Robert Rodriguez

Robert Rodriguez was always an independent self starter. He made his first movie, El Mariachi, for $7000 and kept doing things his own way. He started his own studio facility, Troublemaker Studios, where he’s shot Sin City, Machete, Predators and more. Now he has his own company.

Quick Draw Productions is a step above the production facility Rodriguez already has in Austin, TX. As a production Company, Quick Draw will produce sequels to Machete and Sin City, as well as remakes of Heavy Metal and Fire and Ice. This year Quick Draw partnered with computer giant AMD to use their technology for Quick Draw Animation.

Today’s movie lovers are reaping the benefits of many of Rodriguez’ innovations. He actually made Spy Kids 3-D before the current wave of 3-D films, and the green screen movie (like 300) was largely innovated on Sin City.

He was also a pioneer of shooting digitally. He gave George Clooney his first leading role in From Dusk ‘Til Dawn and he introduced stars like Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek and Danny Trejo to English speaking audiences.

During a trip to Rodriguez’ home base of Austin, I got to catch up with the busy filmmaker. This was even before he announced Sin City: A Dame to Kill For was starting production. But we had plenty to talk about with his new production company, animation studio, and even his own network. We also talked about the state of independence, since Rodriguez is now a major player in the industry.

Read our exclusive interview with Robert Rodriguez on SuicideGirls.com.

Liu Suicide in Blowing In The Wind

• INTO: Life and death.
• NOT INTO: Evil.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Life.
• MAKES ME SAD: Dickheads, cruelty, evil persons, sexism.
• HOBBIES: Art, music, and sex.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: Music, my man, my family, my animals, my friends.
• VICES: All.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: You know, enjoying life, music, movies, art, friends, wild sex, ice cream, beer, love (all kind).

Get to know Liu better over at SuicideGirls.com!

by Steven Whitney

On the June 8th edition of Real Time, Bill Maher took the Occupy movement to task. His was more of a pep talk than a scolding, but his message resounds clearly: If Occupy doesn’t start making a difference, and soon, it will become just another left-wing full-of-hope-fad that failed. And we Baby Boomers know all about revolutions and/or protests gone awry.

Ours was the love and peace generation –– Woodstock Nation, populated by flower children, hippies, and even Yippies (an outrageously theatrical political movement) –– who believed that to end the war in Vietnam “all you need is love.” We marched, occupied parks –– the term “flower children” originated in a Berkeley park that Governor Ronald Reagan wanted razed –– disrupted political conventions, got arrested (more than 13,000 in the D.C. May Day Protests of 1971 alone), performed street (guerilla) theatre, slid daisies down the barrels of rifles, sang, chanted, burned incense and candles, wore ankh necklaces, and visualized the end of war. Men burned draft cards and women burned bras. Protesters and students at Kent State and elsewhere were shot and killed. We raised awareness, got everyone’s attention –– “the whole world is watching” –– and it didn’t make a damn bit of difference. Well, we got better hair, better concerts, healthier (organic) food, and wider sexual freedom –– all good things. But the war ended only when the last American helicopter was chased out of Saigon by NVA troops –– no peace, no honor, just defeat. . . and more than 58,000 young American men and women KIA. The system stayed in place and Nixon started the slow erosion of confidence in our government.

It was the era that began the culture war that split America apart and still rages today. . . and it was the revolution that ultimately failed. It didn’t end any wars and it didn’t change America for the better. Indeed, we made it worse –– because we remained defiantly outside the mainstream, a nation that would have elected Robert Kennedy President in 1968 wound up with Nixon and Watergate, Ford, Reagan and Iran/Contra, the two Bushes (George the Elder and George the Stupid) and their Iraq fiascos, and a nation filled with crass capitalists who bought the system and kept it rigged. Down with Che and up with Gordon Gecko.

Obviously, raising consciousness or awareness wasn’t enough. Neither was singing, marching, dressing up in costumes, or any of the other creative means we utilized to spread the word. We had the right message, but –– to our everlasting shame –– we didn’t deliver it properly.

Many blamed drugs for short-circuiting our feel-good revolution. But even without drugs, the ‘60s revolution was doomed because we didn’t focus on reality, on how things work in the real world. All the peaceful protest in the world did not end the Vietnam debacle because Nixon and a Republican congress, backed by corporate war-profiteers, were in power. If we had not opted out, if we had concentrated on supporting Democrats –– from President on down –– in 1968, the war would have ended, Watergate would not have happened, and Republicans would not have had a nearly unbroken 28 years in power. Instead, our demonstrations and the resulting police riots at Chicago’s Democratic Convention that year scared the shit out of ordinary Americans –– the swing voters each party needs to win –– and they literally ran the other way.

Now we have a President who actually wants to end our extreme economic inequity. But we have a Republican party that blocks every effort in that direction.

At the same time, we have a huge and growing movement called Occupy that also wants to end our financial double standard. But Occupy is doggedly apolitical –– it doesn’t want to get involved. Occupy decries political parties and refuses to endorse candidates while encouraging its loosely-knit membership not to participate in the existing political system. It doesn’t want to change the system, it wants to replace it entirely. . . all the while remaining on the outside looking in.

It’s an understandable position – the Hippies and Yippies actually held much the same view. But it’s unrealistic and totally counter-productive to Occupy’s own goals. As we Boomers tragically discovered, it’s like sitting on the curb and watching Republicans march the American parade off the cliff.

It’s vital that Occupy not repeat our failures, and perhaps the best way is to learn from our mistakes. Like the unsuccessful Yippies, Occupy intentionally has no party affiliation, hierarchy or leadership. That’s certainly democratic, but who makes decisions and who speaks for you? Democracies need leaders –– hell, every revolution, every system of government needs leaders. Otherwise who inspires? Who mobilizes the millions of willing volunteers at your disposal?

Most importantly, you can get involved from both the outside and the inside – one doesn’t preclude the other. Just figure out the most effective strategies to get what you want. What’s at the top of your wish list? What are your top five positions? You must make it crystal clear for both yourselves and others what policies and positions you stand for. How do you propose changing a system that’s fixed from the top down? And how do you communicate that to swing voters?

Occupy should be the important political movement that America needs, but right now its policy of non-engagement is sadly evident. Just look at Wisconsin: Scott Walker –– a politician for and backed by the 1% if ever there was one –– won by a larger percentage of voters last week than he did before Occupy was born. What’s wrong with that equation?

What’s glaringly wrong is that Occupy wants to change things, but apparently doesn’t want to dirty its hands by participating in the albeit imperfect process currently in place, one that can nevertheless affect change. The $11 million that the Koch brothers donated to Walker might have been counteracted by the occupiers in the state had they mobilized fully, but instead Occupy by and large stood by and allowed money from the 1% decide the election. And Wisconsin is only a preview of coming attractions if Occupy remains on the political sidelines.

There is much moral clarity in the ideals Occupy cherishes. But only cowards shy away from their moral responsibility. More than two centuries ago, Irish philosopher Edmund Burke wrote: “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” It’s still true today. . . and the deliberate non-engagement of Occupy in party politics, is a de facto example of doing nothing.

So roll up your sleeves, Occupy – mobilize and swarm the neighborhoods of all 50 states. You need to make people understand the real issues at stake –– and that voting for what you view as the lesser of two evils is still better than not voting at all (and worse, aiding and abetting the GOP by default). You have to convince everyone in the 99% not only to vote but to vote in their own interests. If you want a better and fairer America, the first and most pragmatic step is to keep Obama in office and get rid of Congressional Republicans who are blocking his progressive agenda. You must figure out how to threaten Republican power bases in a meaningful way or nothing will change for the better.

The lasting effect of Occupy will not be how many “likes” their various pages receive on Facebook, or how many re-tweets their accounts get on Twitter, or how many livestream views their citizen broadcasters rack up, or how many people occupy a park, a square, or even the Washington Mall. Occupy can only be judged on how it changes the face of a country in the midst of the greatest political crisis in its history. In the end, Occupy’s worth will be valued by how much it gets involved and directly affects what could be the most important election of our lives this November.

Up to now Occupy has been sitting on the sidelines preaching to the choir. But now it’s time to exit your tents, stop banging drums in circles, and get your political act together. Run from the dugout onto the playing field and exert your grass-roots power to pressure the only system we have into working for all of us.

The Boomers who largely failed are rooting for you to succeed. We want you to restore a true democracy. But if you don’t get involved –– and Republicans win by default –– then you can kiss your aspirations goodbye. Possibly forever.

There’s a lot of heat on Occupy right now. . . and there should be. You’ve got to prove to skeptics that you’ve got the goods to help build a better and fairer America.

It’s time to deliver.

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