Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q: I am a hopeless romantic that cares more than most, but one-sided relationships have taken a toll on me. I have been emotionally abused in my past four long-term relationships and I’m tired. I need to bring that spark back into my life. Having so much to give and nothing in return has been my curse.
I enjoy spoiling and tending to the needs of the one I love. However, it seems as though I find women who are negative, abusive or unfaithful. Why do women take my kindness for weakness? What does a man have to do to be happy and find the missing piece to his puzzle?
A. I once fell into the categories of ‘under-appreciated’ and ‘doormat’ until I read Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov. While I don’t have a men’s version to recommend to you, I can tell you the basic premise: Take care of yourself first.
More specifically:
1. Don’t always be available. Don’t always pick up your phone when she calls or text her back right away. Don’t agree to meet up with her last minute. You’ll become her back up plan if you’re at her beck and call for when she has nothing else to do.
2. Don’t neglect yourself or your friends to meet up with her. If you’re in the middle of fixing a shelf or watching football or whatever guys do when they’re single, or if you made plans to go out with the boys or help your friend move, and she calls you to go out, tell her you’d love to but you’re very busy and give her a couple of other days and times that would work and let her pick one.
3. Have a life! Have interests of your own. Go out with friends. Pick up some hobbies. Don’t you find it attractive when someone has passions and interests and activities? Yes, you do. So be one of those people.
4. Don’t act like every woman is The One. Not every relationship is going to work out. Don’t hang onto her because she’s filling a void. Fill that void by having a life, and if she’s not fitting into it, don’t be afraid to leave.
5. I know I just said it, but DON’T BE AFRAID TO LEAVE. Remember how I said you need to take care of yourself first? If it’s not working for whatever reason, breaking it off is doing just that.
6. Be good company when in her presence, and have minimal contact outside of that. Give her the space to show you who she really is. Will she treat you and your time with respect? Will she be okay with you having friends and interests outside of her? Does she have friends and interests of her own? Not smothering her will allow her to show you her best self.
7. Did I say don’t be afraid to leave? I did? Well, let me say it one more time. If she shows that she is lacking in any of the areas above, cut her loose. If she wants to monopolize your time when things first get going, imagine how crazy she’ll become once things get serious. Does she have a problem with your female friends? That doesn’t just go away with time. Does she expect you to drop everything and drive to see her at a moment’s notice all the time? You are her backup plan. Don’t try to convince her that you’re the one for her. Don’t tell her she should spend more time with you. Don’t do more things for her to make her like you more and show her how much you reward her for mistreating you. Cut off contact and carry on with your life. Don’t settle. You teach people how to treat you.
I highly recommend finding a book for men along the same lines. You don’t have to play games or be conniving. You have to take care of yourself and give her the opportunity to show you who is she and how she’ll treat you. Do that, and you’ll start attracting the right women while the wrong ones weed themselves out for you.
Yours in Agony,
A Mystery Suicide Girl
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