Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony0

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Lyxzen and Dalila

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I’m at a loss to know the best way to introduce some of my interests to the woman I’m dating. For a few years I’ve written fetish erotic fiction, and explored those fetishes in real life as well. I don’t want to have to keep these interests secret, but I’m also unsure about the best way to introduce them. Many are fantasy level fetish stories, but some are closer to reality.

Ideas?

A: First, let me say kudos to you for exploring your fetishes and fantasies, and wanting to share those with your partner. While even “vanilla” sex can be totally awesome, role playing, props, and exploring your personal limits can really make for an amazing bonding experience with a lover.

Now, relationships in general have a few basic ingredients that help things run smoothly. (No lube jokes just yet!) Communication, trust, and commitment are necessary for a strong relationship, and likewise for a truly rockin’ sex life. I really love that there’s no question here of whether or not you should share these stories and thoughts, rather your question is about when and how to bring them up. This says to me that you’re comfortable both in your own sexuality and the relationship itself, and that’s awesome!

How long exactly have you two have been seeing (or sexing) each other seems irrelevant to me, as long as you both feel good about the progression of things, so moving too quickly is most definitely a judgment call you’ll have to make. I typically like to get to know the sexual basics of the person I’m seeing before we traverse into any kinks, but sometimes it happens that your first interactions between the sheets are very charged and a little rowdy from the get-go!

I think the simplest and most comfortable way to transition into a conversation about your fetishes would be after an exceptionally awesome round of doin’ it. If you haven’t already, you might even try introducing things like hair-pulling, restraining arms or legs, or a well-placed ass-slapping during this particular bedroom session. Pretty tame, but all much easier to work in than elaborate rope bondage play, and more casual than pulling out a riding crop! Dirty talk is also easy to get into in the heat of the moment — but make sure to follow cues, because, while one woman wants nothing more to be called a dirty slut, another might be repulsed at those words.

After you’re both lying satisfied and out of breath (you animal, you!), make it a point to let her know how hot it was when you did this, or that it drove you wild when she did that. See how she responds. Let the conversation flow a bit, and ask her if she has any fantasies or fun things she’d like to try. You can keep her from feeling put on the spot by offering up something of your own that you’re interested in. (Be prepared for the possibility of her being intimidated by some of these ideas, so start with something more commonly practiced, like dirty talk or playful role playing, before moving into topics like humiliation, bloodplay, or CBT!)

I would give your lady some time to process the subject, and leave out mention of the erotic fiction at first, to allow a little more time for the conversation to blossom over the next few days or weeks. After you two have had a chance to get frisky a bit more, bring up the fetish stories as something you’d like to share with her, or ask if she’d be interested in reading them. Continue taking care not to make her feel pressured, as well as introducing the topics you think she will be most receptive to.

I am so pumped for you to make this leap with your sweetheart…There’s really nothing hotter than trying something new and exciting with someone you love and trust. Be safe and have fun!

– Lyxzen

Q: I’ve been having trouble coping and making friends since I’ve moved to a big city. I want to make friends but the people here are so different from my hometown. The problem is that I’m very shy, awkward, and not that attractive. What can I do to make things easier?

A: First of all, you need to make an effort. Unfortunately good things never come easily: hence as first thing, you need to collect all your strength and tell yourself that you’re well damn worthy.

You are not shy, you’re coy; and of course you are in no way awkward, you’re just a complex individual. Not that attractive? That could be an opinion. The truth is that you’re unique. And why does this coy, complex and unique individual not have friends? Perhaps you’re looking in the wrong places.

Sit down and think about your favorite hobby. Is it comics? Or jazz music? Whatever floats your boat, might float someone elses’. The internet is a great resource. Use it. Find a local discussion forum about something that you really like, and join in the fun. You’ll find lots of people that share the same interests as you, and conversation should flow easily. It’s indeed easier to talk about stuff you know and love, so start from there.

You can also make friends in your workplace. You are indeed going to spend lots of time with these people and building a good fellowship is key. Even if the city is new for you, and so much different than the one you grew up in, there is one thing that is appreciated all around the world: it’s a simple smile. Just be nice. Smile. Invite your closest workmate for a coffee break, and be yourself. Being nice and discreet is a valued quality, not everyone loves an over-confident loud mouth.

As for random meetings in bars, I’m quite against that. And I’m sure it’s not your cup of tea either. And offering a drink to a random girl can get way awkward, so I’d stay away from that. But, in case a girl talks to you, and a beautiful conversation springs, why not smile and ask if she fancies a drink? She might say yes, and you’ll spend a lovely half an hour chatting. Or she might say no, and you’ll have to swallow that and keep smiling. Really, it’s all about trial and error.

Once you get how people work in your new city, everything will seem easier. I also think that good manners, good vibes and a smile can make everyone more attractive.

Embrace it!

Dalila

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com